It's a place all right.

December 15, 2014 (Originally posted on Tumblr)

Top Billboard Song Charts of 2014 and Things: Part 1/4

Okay so a friend is doing a review of some songs of the chart by Billboard and now I feel like going through the songs and saying if I'm okay with them I guess. What is music. Let's find out.

  1. Happy by Pharrell Williams
    It's a happy song, I don't mind that, and it got maybe too much airplay when Despicable Me came out because it was a promo single for that movie in a way, but it's not burdened with ads, and the video only features the Minions for like a few seconds, not like those videos that only feature clips of the movie randomly so it's like an AMV thing. And then for some reason they did like an infinite music video and it was split into hour long chunks because I think they were trying to do the Guinness World Record of longest music video. Anyway I think this song's all right.
  2. Dark Horse by Katy Perry and Juicy J
    This song starts out with some squeaky voice going OH NO and that's the best part. I want that part on loop. Then Katy Perry talks about being a dark horse then a rapper raps about how he got addicteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed. I'm not the biggest fan of this song but it's corny at least.
  3. All of Me by John Legend
    I've heard better songs from this guy that use more piano. Those are cool. I like the piano. But this song kinda comes off as a kinda generic love song. I guess it works but I'm not into this kind of song.
  4. Fancy by Iggy Azalea and Charlie XCX (which means like 90-10 in Roman Numerals? I don't know)
    First things first they're the realest. Okay? Okay. And they're so fancy I already know because they talked about it a lot with all the airplay this got. Then they break hotels. Fancy hotels I guess. I don't know. Not my kind of song.
  5. Counting Stars by One Republic
    This song's all right by me. It's about just saying, screw this job, I wanna follow my dreams, even if we go broke from it. That's cool. And the tune's pretty nice, too. Kind of the opposite of that one song where they said they're going down, which was like the anti-pep song.
  6. Talk Dirty by Jason Derulo (who doesn't sing his name this time) and 2Chainz
    Look, if you're going to get with foreign women, you should at least make an effort to learn the languages. And the trumpets signaled the return of Hoenn. That's all I've got.
  7. Rude by Magic!!!!!
    Why are they so rude? I don't know. But they keep asking if they can marry this girl even after they've married her and he says screw you I'm going to marry her anyway. He'll get written out of the will I guess, oh well. This song's kinda annoying I think.
  8. All About That Bass by Meghan Trainor (wants to battle)
    It's all about that ass. Ass effect. Not treble. Which might mean boobs. Or skeletons. I'm not sure which yet. I like the retro style but maybe I just like oldies too much. I do like the idea of how it's about you don't have to be all skinny. That's all right by me, but I might have heard songs about this before that I liked more.
  9. Problem? by Ariana Grande and Iggy Azalea
    Let me put on my coolface. Le Reddit meme army is here. All that stuff. Anyway, she can sing, I like it when people in music can sing really well. Not a bad song to be fair. Nice melody and beat.
  10. Stay With Me by Sam Smith
    Oh, it's this song. I swear I've heard a lot of songs but don't know the name or artist. Anyway good song, slow-paced but it fits. Yeah. I like when songs add more singers as some kind of choir. Makes it more epic-feeling.
  11. Timber by Pitbull and Ke$$$ha
    I keep thinking she's saying she's yelling too much and yelling "tumor". Then I remember when Arnold Schwarzenegger says "it's not a tumor" in that one thing. Anyway it's a Pitbull song, Mr. 305, Mr. Worldwide, Miami, Bontego, Awaleo, other foreign-sounding places that might not exist. It's a party song I guess, but not one I'd jam to much.
  12. Pompeii by Bastille
    You know when you have all this history in the names you might have a cool song. This one's pretty cool but kinda weird. Chanting backing vocals and some intense drum beat on top of it all.
  13. Shake It Off by Taylor Swift
    I keep thinking of that other song called Shake It Off when I see this, but I like that one more than this one. Then I also remember the 80s song Shake It Up. Just shake everything I guess. I'll take a medium shake with fries. It seems forgettable to me because I keep forgetting which one this is.
  14. Am I Wrong by Nico and Vinz
    It's a nice song, but it sounds like some other songs I've heard. Maybe it's the genre, I don't know. Still an all right one.
  15. Turn Down for What by DJ Snake and Lil Jon
    It's really the music video that makes this one. There's explosive humping and sentient boobs and someone once said it's how you represent Lil Jon in a video without having Lil Jon in the video. It's a lot of yelling and wubs so you know what to expect, but it's pretty explosive in general.
  16. The Monster by Eminem and Rihanna
    I actually like this one. Mainly it's about the pressure of fame and all that, but there's monsters that make us go crazy and all.
  17. Say Something by A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera
    I can't get into deeply sad songs like this one, just to start out. But it's an all right one. It's also good to see Christina Aguilera on something that doesn't make her look like a pop robot like that one album.
  18. Team by Lorde
    It's pretty cool but I don't know why. See that's why I'm not a music critic, I can see things that are cool but I don't know why they're cool. It's a good one, though, just take that from me.
  19. Let Her Go by Passenger
    This would have a good mellow melody if it wasn't for the singer sounding whiny to me. I don't know why, that just bugs me for some reason.
  20. Royals by Lorde
    Another Lorde song so soon. I still like this one. Again, just a cool style here. Ya ya ya.
  21. Let It Go by Idina Menzel
    I wonder if Frozen fans will ever let this one go. Probably not. Well, I've heard it, and it's worthy of being a musical number. It got airplay, too. And not just on Radio Disney. Does Radio Disney even exist anymore? I think I saw it once but it was on an AM station and not FM, so maybe it's just conservative talk radio half of the time because that's a lot of AM stations, at least where I grew up.
  22. Wake Me Up! by Avicii
    WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO GO SOMETHING SOMETHING WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO GO SOMETHING SOMETHING TONIGHT I'M GONNA HIT THAT HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH No but really I like that song better than this one. I don't know what it is about Avicii but it's dance music I want to sleep to. It's so repetitive, and more repetitive than other dance music, at least it seems like that to me. It's all dododododododo we're cowboys now ride onto the dance floor. Cotton Eyed Joe worked better for that.
  23. Demons by Imagine Dragons
    It's a little... slow for my taste. When you follow up the hard hitting plodding rhythm of Radioactive with something that sounds like a ballad sort of, it's... well, I don't know. Just not my cup of radioactive goop or whatever.
  24. Story of My Life by One Direction
    I can't get into Directionism or whatever the movement's called. Not just because of the Twitter fans, but because I'm just not a fan. It's a pop song I can't really see more than just pop. I like that one song that says "one direction more and more and push it" better. Apparently that song's called Straight Ahead by Tube and Berger. You may have heard it before but go listen to it.
  25. Chandelier by Sia
    I don't mind this one, it's got a good composition and a great singer to boot. I thought it was Rihanna at first but it's not. It's different. And I like that.

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