It's a place all right.

December 17, 2014 (Originally posted on Tumblr)

Top Billboard Song Charts of 2014 and Things: Part 3/4

Over halfway, gotta keep this up, right? More from the charts.

  1. A Sky Full of Stars by Coldplay
    I'm not really into Coldplay. After hearing this, I'm still not really into Coldplay. It sounds like normal Coldplay but also modern EDM stuff, so honestly can't say much about this one.
  2. Don't by Ed Sheeran
    First I thought this was Justin Timberlake again, but it's not. This sounds funky in a good way. Also I thought he was in One Direction, but apparently more just wrote some songs for them. See, I don't know anything about modern music artists aside from they come out with songs and things. And that's generally what I know most of any.
  3. Na Na by Trey Songz
    Why is he talking about his nana in this way? That's just-- Oh, he's not? That's not what he means by "na na"? Oh. Anyway, buzzard on the bee like usual. And not the kind of supposed jam I can jam with. Is it bad that I can predict when the buzzing buzzard comes in on a rap intro?
  4. Hot Boy by Bobby Shmurda
    Just so you know, the real name of this song is "Hot (insert n-word here)". Yeah. That's what Google told me because I don't normally listen to rap. I was hoping for maybe a bit of a progressive track involving gay romance or something, but I guess not. It... sounds like a rap song to me. I don't know if I can say more than that because I'm not big on rap unless it's the old-school style.
  5. Hold On, We're Going Home by Drake and Majid Jordan
    Started from the bottom and now we're home. I guess. I swear I heard a song like this before but with some guy going HEY HEY HEY throughout. And not (Keep Feeling) Fascination. Speaking of which I'm not too fascinated with this song.
  6. Sing by Ed Sheeran
    I keep having to Google these songs and then realize, oh, hey, I've actually heard this. Now this song really reminds me of Timberlake. It's much funkier and it's definitely a hot jam. I think this should have been the higher up one. SING! LOUDER! REALLY LOUD! YELL IT! DON'T EVEN SING ANYMORE, JUST YELL A LOT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
  7. Radioactive by Imagine Dragons
    Oh, this is where that song went. This should be higher than Demons. It's got a heavy beat and it pretty much paints a good picture of a desolate time and environment. Also Weird Al did a parody about being inactive. Where's Weird Al on the charts?
  8. My Hitta by YG, Jeezy, and... Rich Homie Quan?
    Again, you're going to have to substitute one of the words for another word for the real title. Yeah. Rap. It's a thing. Buzzards and bees. Again, not much to say, as you can tell.
  9. Cool Kids by Echosmith
    Echosmith, not Aerosmith. It's about trying to be like the cool kids, but in reality you should just be yourself, maybe, I don't know. Nice to see new bands, but I didn't get into this one much.
  10. Hey Brother by Avicii
    It's Avicii again. Why do you keep trying to mix country and EDM. Admittedly, this one has a better break, but still, it feels so limited. And not entirely dance-y.
  11. Trumpets by Jason Derulo
    Oh, you thought there were a lot of trumpets before? Well, here's all of them. Even Hoenn quivers at the thought of this many trumpets. Unfortunately no skull trumpets that I saw. In the music video though I guess the theme is he's about to get some but then TRUMPETS ALL OVER IN YOUR FACE THIS IS THE ROUTE THEME. I don't get this song to be fair. Better than his others on this chart though, at least. Kinda.
  12. Animals by Maroon 5
    MOTHERFUCKING ANIMALS-- Oh, wait, that's not this one. This one has Adam Levine. And the rest. It's all right I guess. Still kinda stalker-y but well...
  13. Burnin' It Down by Jason Aldean
    Oh, wait, this is country? Oh. It sounds more like R&B. With a country singer and lyrics. This... this kind of country I can't get into. Nope.
  14. Play It Again by Luke Bryan
    This sounds more like the country I've heard before. But... still, not my thing.
  15. 2 On by Tinashe and Schoolboy Q
    Fuzz all over me! Maybe that's what they're saying at the beginning of all these rap-type gigs. Because it's fuzzy because... rap stuff and... I don't know. Or they have cats. Yeah, cats get fuzz everywhere. Oh, right, the song. It's a thing with a beat and stuff. At least with singing.
  16. Dirt by Florida Georgia Line
    I think we found where all the country went. It just kinda shifted and settled toward the bottom of the list apparently. Anyway at least these guys are singing about country stuff like... dirt? And home I guess. But come on, there's more to country than dirt. There's at least, uh... tractors? And... horses? I don't know.
  17. Love Runs Out by OneRepublic
    I swear OneRepublic is hitting the jams lately. YEAH! JAM THAT PIANO! And the drums too. I can get into this. I don't know what else to put here but it's good stuff, check it out.
  18. Bottoms Up by Brantley Gilbert
    Country, but with kind of a rap drum thing going on. I'm not sure what's up with country or why it keeps branching out into rap-type deals. Maybe it's time to make a new subgenre. Maybe it already exists. Anyway, get it drunk. Or something. Not much else to say.
  19. Shower by Becky G
    First I have to point out in the video that she doesn't even use the app right, she just pokes the middle of the screen and it somehow works. Magic. Hollywood technology. Make a GUI out of Visual Basic to track the killer's IP. Anyway it's a song, can't say I'm too into it, but it's way better than a lot of the stuff and I'd place it higher on the charts.
  20. Me and My Broken Heart by Rixton
    I thought I heard the initial tune to this before, and I know where now, it's Lonely No More. Aside from that, the loud pop vocals kinda startled me for a second. And I'm probably going to forget this song and go back to Lonely No More in my mind, that's just how my brain does. I think I like Lonely No More better.
  21. Animals by Martin Garrix
    So this is where the "motherfucking animals" are. Honestly, I'm glad this is lower than the other song called Animals, because this is just dumb. Tick tock dodo do dododo dodo do WUBWUBWUBWUBWUB MOTHERFUCKING ANIMALS... dinky donky donk donk. She got a donk. It's like anti-dubstep. A big buildup and a very disappointing finish. And this song is overall disappointing. It's just noise. Not even good dance music. I'd sleep to this. I would try sleeping to it to prove a point but I need better sleep and I'd rather not go insane listening to dumb things on loop for 8 or so hours. I would rather listen to dubstep. I kinda enjoy dubstep ironically because it's meant to be played loud. This has to be played loud so you can hear it. It builds up and just kinda peters out, no payoff, no earth-shattering wubs, nothing. All there is is just the dinky noises. The dinky noises that are like hitting a xylophone made of bamboo or that thing where you hit your cheek while your mouth's open. This is not what I want from EDM. I want something like Daft Punk. By the way where is Daft Punk? Or were they on last year's chart? Get Lucky was awesome, that needs to be on here, and higher. Way higher. That was hella funky and great. Pharrell can sing, you know this. Happy's at the top for a reason. Anyway, enough of this dinky donk track, moving on.
  22. Lifestyle by Rich Gang and (Rich) Young Thug and Rich Homie Quan and Rich Boy Winston using a Full Restore on his Zigzagoon or something I guess maybe but not really
    I expected to hear a buzzard on the meat intro, I didn't hear it. So at least there's that. Other than that, another rap song I can't say much about.
  23. American Kids by Kenny Chesney
    WE'RE THE KIDS IN AMERICA (WHOA) oh wait wrong song again. I keep thinking of songs I like. Hey, at least it's some more upbeat country that isn't about clubbing. I think. Maybe? Well at least it sounds more country.
  24. Brave by Sara Bareilles
    First thoughts, this sounds a lot like Roar. But a good bit better. At least it doesn't rip lines from Eye of the Tiger. I'd say this works better with its message than just going for a more generic "you can do this" thing.
  25. Sweater Weather by The Neighborhood
    First things first, this should be much higher up. It's the realest. Maybe not, but it's still good. One love, two mouse, no shirt, one house, etc. It kinda makes me want to wear a sweater, and I don't really wear those. I wear sweatshirt-type hoodies. They're legit. Anyway this is a nice song, and for some reason it shifts to a slower pace about halfway, and just kinda drifts off. So it's a bit interesting in that regard, maybe to help break up the constant rhythm you get used to. Let's see more from this group.
And that's three quarters down, one more to go. The whole dollar will be finished and stuff. Soon.

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