It's a place all right.

December 18, 2014 (Originally posted on Tumblr)

Top Billboard Song Charts of 2014 and Things: Part 4/4

The final stretch, we got this. I think. Charts.

  1. Leave the Night On by Sam Hunt
    Oh look, more gangsta pop country or whatever this new subgenre is. Still not my thing. Stop asking.
  2. New Flame by Chris Brown, Usher, and Rick Ross
    Can anyone use that music app correctly in a music video? Anyway it's slow R&B jams. With rap as well. Rick Ross the boss. The guy who jumped off a bridge to escape a speeding ticket in a different music video before he bribes the cop instead with a watch. No, really, the video for Speedin' still cracks me up.
  3. Love Never Felt So Good by Michael Jackson and Justin Timberlake
    So this is one of those songs where they take unreleased tracks with vocals and also made it a bit of a duet with someone else. Not bad. Not bad at all. They did pretty well with this one.
  4. Drunk on a Plane by Dierks Bentley
    I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THESE MONKEYFIGHTING DRUNKS ON THIS MONDAY TO FRIDAY PLANE! Okay, but really, it's all right. Country's still not my thing, but at least this one makes sense. And now I want to see Lil Jon do Crunk on a Plane.
  5. Birthday by Katy Perry
    ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY IS A BIG BOOTY HOE. Oh, wait, wrong song. But this is one of Katy Perry's better songs, why is it down here? I don't know. Pop music. According to Wikipedia, this counts as disco. Also, she's not just talking about birthdays. IT'S ABOUT SEX. SHHHHH. DON'T TELL ANYONE I TOLD YOU. "Big balloons".
  6. Bartender by Lady Cerebellum-- I mean Antebellum
    I'm still not a country fan but this is a pretty good country hit. Much better than... uh... whatever that one higher up was, I forget. See, this is what modern country jams should be like. Give it a listen if you want.
  7. La La La by Naughty Boy and Sam Smith
    There's kind of a weird sample of someone going lalalalalanananananalalalala but this is a good one. Good vocals and a good backing track. It's just... good.
  8. Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke, Pharrell, and... T.I., apparently
    Oh, it's this one. Yeah... I'm not a fan of this. And I'm not just saying that because if you like this song on Tumblr people yell at you a lot. It's just... not very good. Pharrell's done better. Again, Happy, Get Lucky, all that. And Robin Thicke has to go say he has a gigantic wiener in balloons. Is he overcompensating? Also I know T.I. more as those expensive calculators you have to get for college math. But they have like competitors now, in like Casio I think. Or you can just get an app for cheap, but they might not wanting you using your phone even if you're not looking up answers. Anyway, next.
  9. Do What U Want by Lady Gaga and R. Kelly
    I've noticed that when Lady Gaga does collaborations with other artists it tends to sound less weird and more mainstream. Regardless, not a big fan of this one. And, yes, R. Kelly sheets.
  10. Can't Remember to Forget You by Shakira and Rihanna
    I saw a version of the video without music and a lot of it was squeaking their butts on the walls. That was funny. Butt squeaking is funny. As for the song itself, it's an all right song I think.
  11. Amnesia by Five Seconds of Summer
    Is this that other boy band that's not One Direction? I forget. There must be a lot now. Well, like them, they did an acoustic song where they sing to a girl, I think. Though it seems to mainly be one guy singing, so maybe this is more like a normal band. I'm not sure. Again, I don't know artists. Not my thing.
  12. No Mediocre by T.I. and Iggy Azalea
    Let's make the obvious comment. I think this is pretty mediocre. And there's that buzzer beating guy again. I still don't really get that. It's just in most of the rap these days. And I see it coming most of the time.
  13. Come With Me Now by Kongos
    First, why the hell is this so low? This song jams! I'd put this in the top 10. Rock that accordion. I need more of this. It's like Southern-infused rock or something sounding like. ACCORDION SOLO YES ROCK IT HARD. Yeah so I like this song a lot.
  14. Believe Me by Lil Wayne and Drake
    Weezy F Baby and the F is for fscrew this song. I haven't been a fan of this rap guy. And Drake who started from somewhere and now he's here again.
  15. 23 by Mike Will Made It and... Miley Cyrus? Also some rappers
    So the 23 is referring to Michael Jordan. Except more specifically the shoes. And it's rap. Miley Cyrus raps. Well, she might as well. Doesn't change my opinion on this song. It's still meh. I never really have much to say about rap anyway.
  16. Beachin' by Jake Owen
    You know when I reflexively expect "BUZZIN ON THE MEAT" to pop up this might not be the most country of country. The guy even raps. I think. And it's not supposed to be "Bitchin'". I checked.
  17. White Walls by Macklemore, Ryan Lewis, Schoolboy Q, and Hollis
    I went into this expecting some kind of commentary about race and barriers and boundaries. I got stuff about Cadillacs. Well, at least that seems to be universal. But at least this isn't about the typical I GOT THE 40 INCH RIMS AND THEY SCRAPE ON THE PAVEMENT thing (he even mentions he doesn't have extra fancy rims), it's about just somehow getting a Cadillac and being proud you at least got that. So not what I expected, but not bad either.
  18. She Looks So Perfect by Five Seconds at Freddy's or Summer I don't know
    It's pop rock. Not the kind you shove in your mouth and it gets all fizzy. I don't see this one sticking around for long.
  19. Stay the Night by Zedd and Hayley Williams
    I think I like Hayley Williams more in Paramore. Again it's another sleepy remix-sounding song thing. This wave of EDM isn't my thing, I just gotta say.
  20. Partition by Beyonce
    All right, a song about hard drives! We haven't had a lot of music about computers since All About the Pentiums. Oh, wait, this isn't that? I don't even know what this is. I think she's singing about sex or something. And the song changes halfway through, okay. I haven't a clue.
  21. Studio by Schoolboy Q and BJ the Chicago Kid
    First question, did the lady in the video manage to use the app correctly? Maybe. And now the song. This guy wants to finish his studio jam before going home to have sex. Then this other rapper shows up and tries to steal his girl? I don't get it. He makes verses to get them naked by the end of this song. And then can't even finish a line and just kinda repeats "girl". Yeah. Rap. No buzzers this time.
  22. 0 to 100 / The Catch Up by Drake
    Why is it so hard to keep one song as one song instead of like twelve? There was that thing with I'm A Bee by Black Eyed Peas for one thing. But... it's rap. I can't rap. I mean I can't make good opinions on rap not really following the genre. But I also can't rap. All I can do is quote Knuckles. Unlike Sonic I don't chuckle. Even though that wasn't Knuckles rapping.
  23. I Don't Dance by Lee Brice
    Slow country and things. Not my thing. You can tell I'm kinda getting tired of going through the whole list here.
  24. Somethin' Bad by Miranda Lambert and Carrie Underwood
    More country! But not slow. I'd put this higher up among the country on this list, yeah. Still no Bartender, but hey.
  25. Adore You by Miley Cyrus
    From her album FrankerZ I mean BangerZ, there's this... ballad-sounding thing. I'm not a ballad person. But you gotta admit, this is kind of a decent song. And it's not all like LOOK SEX IT'S SEX IT'S NOT DISNEY ANYMORE. Not my thing, but better than some things.
Okay, and that is the entire list, I'm done. I don't want to do this for another year, which is good, because it takes a year for this to happen. Also I'm not a good song reviewer. If I could move around the list, I would, but honestly all the list has is a summary of airplay and requests and stuff like that, so it's popular, not opinion of best. There's some great stuff scattered throughout that should get higher on the charts, so I guess that's up to you I guess. Cool.

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