It's a place all right.

December 8, 2015 (Originally posted on Tumblr)

Archaeological Dig of 2012′s Year End Songs - The Upper 50

Doing this again! Because bored. And 2015′s final list is imminent but not right now. So here’s 2012′s year end list and I’m going to ramble about songs because I find that enjoyable for some reason.

  1. Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye and Kimbra
    I remember this song being played a lot. It got old for me. It’s not too bad a song though. Also in the music video you get to see Gotye’s nipple. Scandalous. But it’s about people getting painted on and losing touch, too.
  2. Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen
    I think people once compared this to Friday but it’s not really close to that at all. Just played a lot. And it was kinda a weird meme at one point probably. Not one I really like though, it’s pretty silly at least.
  3. We Are Young by Fun Period and Janelle Monae
    Tonight, they are young. I thought I covered this on 2013′s list but I was thinking of a Ke Dollar Sign Ha song instead. Great now I used my joke for when she shows up on this list. But that song did show up on that list. This one didn’t. Anyway it’s singing about tonight, how they feel young and are gonna do some cool stuff. It’s not really my favorite song but it’s all right.
  4. Payphone by Maroon 5 and Wiz Khalifa
    Kind of a slow song about how Adam Levine is trying to call with a payphone, which apparently still existed in 2012, and then Wiz Khalifa expresses his distaste for the very song he’s about to rap on. Man, screw that noise. Or something like that. Again, not really a song I like. Wow that’s kind the pattern for this list, stuff I kinda got sick of I guess.
  5. Lights by Ellie Goulding
    Okay, a song I can be all right with, kinda mellow, but kinda energetic. She’s got some range, can’t deny, and here’s reason why she kept showing up on the charts for years to come. Usually on like EDM remix-sounding songs of sorts. Which this sorta sounds like but I guess that’s just the synths, there’s not too much “repeated empty space” for your normal EDM track these days.
  6. Glad You Came by The Wanted
    No, I don’t want that. This is the song I was thinking of when I mentioned songs that just use the last word of the line in the next line, and this one pulls it off correctly although a bit cheesy. However I’m not too big on this one, it’s a bit too EDM-y in the repetitive sense. But all right thing at least, there’s more music to the music.
  7. Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You (Makes You (Stronger))) by Kelly Clarkson
    Kelly Clarkson, still relevant. Yes I know I’m going backwards but you know. Again it’s an anthem about being powerful. She seems to do this a lot.
  8. We Found Love by Rihanna and Calvin Harris
    Doot doot doot. We found love in a hopeless place. Times a lot. And that’s the song, plus something about yellow diamonds. Isn’t that like topaz or something? Another Rihanna track and/or EDM track I’m not really too fond of.
  9. Starships by Nicki Minaj
    Starships were meant to fly. I’m not sure what else the relevance is for the song. If you’re a G, you’re a G, GG. She’s not paying her rent so she’ll have to live out of her starship. Which is higher than a motherfather. Gentleman. I forget when that song was or if it even charted.
  10. What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction
    It’s a song by a boy band aimed towards girls who always think they’re ugly even though they’re fine. Yep. Also it could pretty much just be “You’re beautiful because you’re not ugly” for the whole song and it’d still be in the top 20. 10 even.
  11. Wild Ones by Florida and Sia
    Sia sings on this track. And Flo the Rida is himself. It’s a party jam. But HEYA HERD YOU WERA WILD ONE sure stands out more than the other parts.
  12. Set Fire To The Rain by Adele
    This song is crazy, you can burn the rain, it’s made of gasoline! YEAH! FIRE RAIN! But really it’s a pretty good song, she can sure sing, as heard on her other songs. Which are pretty good too. Even James Bond good apparently.
    Great. As in... greeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. Hey if you ever wanted to see male jiggle physics this may still not be the video for you. It’s braggy and annoying and I think that was their point. How can you take them seriously? You don’t.
  14. Some Nights by Fun (Decimal)
    Some nights. One night I covered this, I know it. He screws with autotune and that’s about my favorite part.
  15. Wide Awake by Katy Perry
    If you ever encounter someone yelling FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLING FROM CLOUD NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE they got it from this probably and aren’t doing too well at it. I have to admit out of all the Katy Perry I find this one all right. Nice backing track for her LOUD VOCALS. Or maybe the volume was just up a lot.
  16. Good Feeling by Florida the Florida
    The theme song to one of Ubisoft’s E3 thingies. They just like to have random dances. I think that was maybe the year when they also had the best show because nobody else really had a good show or something like that. Weird. Anyway I feel okay about this song, it’s another Floridian Party Jam (TM).
  17. Whistle by Flo the Rider
    He likes to wet his whistle. By wetting his whistle I mean getting it covered in saliva, and the whistle is his penis instead of his mouth. When I was a kid for some reason I thought wetting ones whistle meant they were going to take a piss, I’m not sure how I thought of that because I don’t know of anyone who can whistle through their penis. If I meet one I’d also prefer to not know. But anyway this song’s about oral.
  18. One More Night by Maroon 5
    This was on one more list at least, I covered it, and YOU AND I GO dadadadadadada. Meh.
  19. Drive By by Train
    This is the wussiest gangsta rap track I’ve ever heard, they even say it’s not a drive by. Also it’s not even gangsta rap. And randomly in there, OOH THE WAY YOU DO ME is the most out of place filler rhyme they had. But could you imagine doing a drive by on a train? That’d be intense and probably not even close to anything. Maybe somehow western. You know like the train robber bandits who rode horses next to trains, were they doing old school drive bys?
  20. The Motto by Drake and Small Wayne
    YOLO THAT’S THE MOTTO, YOLO THAT’S THE MOTTO, YOU CAN DO IT OTTO, GOING TO THE GROTTO, SOMETHING SOMETHING BLOTTO, HASHTAG YOLO, YORLOR, YOOOOURGHLAAARUGH, YOOOAOOGAHGOAGHLHAGHGHALLGALGALGHALGLHAGLH. Yes my mind vomits when I think of this song that launched a decade and then some of stupidity that made people think, if the Mayan calendar won’t kill us, it’ll be stupidity. By standing under a clearly unstable and falling over giant stone calendar for one thing.
  21. Where Have You Been by Rihanna
    Oh. This. I STRONGLY PREFER the original version that isn’t a mess of EDM and wanting sex lots. That song goes like, I’ve been to Shreveport, Davenport, 2Fort, 2Fort, 2Fort, 2Fort, 2Fort, 2Fort when you get stuck on a standard TF2 server. But man you can’t just take a Johnny Cash song and do that kinda weirdness with it. Come on man. Or girl.
  22. Everybody Talks by Neon Trees
    It started with a whisper, kissing her made his lips hurt, he can’t even chit chat but wants to go to the Love Shack Baby, maybe he should get his lips checked out first. His mama’s gotta backtrack on that. I think I didn’t hear some of this right but I’m sticking with it. It’s a good jam.
  23. Take Care by Drake and Rihanna
    Something something AHAHAHAHA something else AHAHAHAHAHAHA and so on, then it’s pretty much a slow ballad of some kind. Not feeling it.
  24. Titanium by David Guetta and Sia
    Oh, it’s one of these EDM songs where you have a good singer but then it’s just all this droning beat for about 10 minutes and you really only have like one major clip of the actual singing. I’M BULLEPROO, NOTHING TO LOSE, FAR AWAY, FAR AWAY, DADADADADA BIKING FOR AN HOUR, RIDING A HORSE WHILE BIKING, WILD WILD WEST, BIG WILLIE STYLE IN THE HOUSE, why did I suddenly go to Will Smith? He should be on this chart. He should have rapped in Men In Black 3, not MIAMI EQUALS. Get jiggy with that.
  25. I Won’t Give Up by Jason M-Raz
    It’s slow-y and sappy and ballad-y and I just can’t listen to this kind of thing. It does those three things well at least but I can’t. Just can’t. I need something to go on.
  26. It Will Rain by Bruno Mars
    It’s slow-y and sappy and ballad-y and I just... actually I can tolerate this one a bit more but still. I like a bunch of other of his songs more.
  27. Mercy by Kanye West, Big Sean, Pusha T, 2 Chainz, and I forget who else if there’s anyone but probably, like who’s that yelling guy
    I don’t know what’s with that yelling in the beginning. Then some guy talks about Lamborghinis and then you get this stupid ad about this guy who looks like a weird Mark Pliers and he wants you to fail all the school and buy an expensive car so you’re broke instead of investing in things. Then Ness says OKAY. And Kanye West says HUH a lot. There’s ass puns everywhere if there’s even puns. Then I switched over to Gold Digger which I actually enjoy. Broke broke broke broke broke. How I went from messing with a broke broke to a gold digger.
  28. Boyfriend by Justin Biber
    If I was your boyfriend I’d still take colossal dumps on the toilet because a man has business to attend to. Also this song is kinda... meh. Definitely meh.
  29. Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO and about 50 emojis
    Party rock is in the house. What is party rock. How can party rock be in the house when they’re outside. Throw a rock at it. It’s a song all right. Every day I’m hustling.
  30. Too Close by Alex Clare
    And I’m just too close WUBWUBWUBWUBWUWBUBUWBWUBWBUWBUWUBWUBWUBBUWBUWUBWUWBBUWBU LOUD NOISES BUY INTERNET EXPLORER BECAUSE WE HAVE DUBSTEP NOW WUBWUBWUBWUBWUWBUWB and so on. If browsers were music, IE would be horribly loud dubstep, Firefox would be like this really long old prog rock thing, Chrome would be some kinda extended house track, Opera would be... opera, Edge would be... modern pop, Safari would be playing bongos on a butt, Netscape would be classical, and Tor would be sirens outside your door because even that won’t hide your super illegal activity. So I guess a rap song. With sirens.
  31. Part Of Me by Katy Perry
    If you hear someone yelling THIS IS A PART OF ME THAT YOU’LL NEVER EVER EVER GONNA TAKE AWAY FROM ME it’s from this. It’s an all right song. And in the video she joins the army for some reason. Because army stuff. I don’t know.
  32. Young, Wild, & Free by Snoop Dogg, Wiz Khalifa, and Bruno Mars
    The theme song from the stoner comedy that it’s suggested you actually have to be stoned out of your mind to actually enjoy, by the movie itself, from a talking weed thingy, that’s pretty much it. The punchline is SMOKE WEED EVERY DAY. And Snoop didn’t even sing that line, I think it was Nate Dogg. But Snoop memes. There’s some crazy good Snoop remixes out there of even anime songs. Somehow.
  33. We Are Never Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever (Ever Ever Ever) Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Getting Back Together by Taylor Swift
    You heard her. It’s over. When she dumps someone, she dumps them HARDCORE. Ever ever ever ever ever. Never. Ever. Ever ever ever ever ever ever.
  34. As Long As You Love Me by Justin Booby and Big “Ass” Sean
    Too bad I don’t. I know, it’s just “cool” to not like his songs but honestly I’m just not a fan, I don’t throb for heartthrobs. Also I’m kinda not that demographic.
  35. Turn Me On by David Guetta and Nicki Minaj
    WHY IS THIS VIDEO SO SCARY, THE CGI IS LIKE THE UNCANNY ASSCRACK AND WHY IS THIS DEAD ROBOT SINGING AND SCREAMING, AND NOBODY HAS PARTS. Also this is the song where she says I JUST WANT YOU TO FART ON MY YOUNG and I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I. And that’s a horse ass. I thought she had her ass replaced with a horse’s until I rewindededed the video. But you know for a song with both David Guetta’s EDM and Nicki Minaj’s rap sort of thingy it’s not bad actually.
  36. Moves Like Jagger by Maroon 5 and Christina Aguilera
    I can only get through this song when I think of them singing “I got those moooooooooooooobs that saggin”. I’m not sure what moves Mick Jagger did or does or do. I think he’d have like this giant mouth though, unless that was the other guy, I don’t know. This is such a dorky song. Not in the best way either.
  37. Blow Me (One Last Kiss) by P!nk
    Get it, it’s like she’s saying to blow her as an insult, but she wants a kiss, or something. Though for all we know it’s all passively and/or directly aggressive. She’s got her style.
  38. Good Time by Owl City and Carly Rae Jepsen
    You don’t even have to try, you can have a good time at Good Burger home of the Good Burger may I take your Good Burger. And eat it. A HOT TIME PARTY TIME JAM TIME from that guy who sang about fireflies to a bunch of toys and that girl who maybe sorta wanted to call you. Shows they can do something different... that sounds kinda like other songs. Weird how that happens.
  39. Give Your Heart A Break by Demi Lovato
    Don’t wanna break your heart, don’t wanna heart your break, don’t wanna break your break, don’t wanna fart your heart. Her songs involve the heart a lot, you’d think she’d be a cardiologist. What if you replaced the word “heart” with “fart”, that would be something. Fart attack. Anyway this one’s okay.
  40. Ninjas In Paris by Jay West and Kanye Z
    A song about ninjas who infiltrate the Eiffel Tower for some reason, and... oh, wait, I filled in that blank wrong. Oh. Okay. Anyway this is about two rappers who rap about being in Paris I guess. Don’t let me into my zone. Kanye Zone. It’s a game. Play it I guess. Shaboi.
  41. The One That Got Away by Katy Perry
    It’s Katy Perry’s song about IN ANOTHER LIFE when she wanted to be with the guy (or girl, depending on your interpretation of I Kissed A Girl) in high school I guess. But didn’t. And they became a fish and got away.
  42. Feel So Close by Calvin Harris
    Dododo, dodododo, oh, wait, that’s Feels So Good by Chuck Mangione, as heard many times on King of the Hill. This one, is... uh... EDM stuff where this guy wants to feel close. And somehow the forcefield is keeping him close instead of sending him flying like in the movies.
  43. Someone Like You by Adele
    HOT PIANO JAMS from Adele. She really can sing. And that’s good. Not sure what else to say that I haven’t covered, slow jams.
  44. Scream by Usher
    Usher sure isn’t yelling much for a song called SCREAM. He should try that. Make a metal album that’s also somehow R&B.
  45. Rack City by Tyga
    Rack City, as in a city made of boobs, shelves, or what? Either way he says it about a million times in the song so at least you’ll know the name of this city of racks. And for the record, Titty City has a bit of alliteration or something to it, would have been much better.
  46. Domino by Jessie J
    Something dancing in the moonlight, when it’s pizza make it Domino’s. No thanks. It’s okay at best. This song’s all right too I suppose, but you can’t eat a song. Actually I wonder how someone could now. I found a list about songs about eating butt though but let’s not do that.
  47. Gangnam Style by PSY
    Whoops, Gangnam Style. I’ve already covered it, it’s a weird K-pop song that was popular because us Americans love those wacky antics of those wacky Asians because a lot of our TV and music is dumb. It screwed up the YouTube view counter too.
  48. International Love by Pitbull and Chris Brown
    Pitbull talks about love in Miami, Florida, Mr. 305, Mr. Worldwide, and some places that might also be outside of Miami. Now picture that with a Kodak. And Chris Brown is there for some reason.
  49. Home by Phillip “The Phillip” Phillips
    Pretty sure I covered this on the last list. Sometimes these songs can last a while. All about getting home.
  50. Without You by David Guetta and Usher
    So you have Usher singing Usher stuff and David Guetta doing EDM stuff and I don’t think I’m too fond of this song. How did this song cause an earthquake? Also that’s not how plate tectonics works, did you ever watch Bill Nye? As a kid I found those parts in the old 50s sitcom really weird. Maybe scary somehow. Maybe it was the camerawork. That show rules. Like science does. Also it really sounds like he’s singing WITHOUT YOOOOOO. YO WHAT UP.
That’s the list for now, the next list will be even listier, seeing if I still get the numbered list thing to work right with the weird formatting thing.

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