It's a place all right.

December 13, 2015 (Originally posted on Tumblr)

2015 Year End Song List Recap Thing Part 2

It’s also the last part because it’s easier for me to just drop everything into two parts instead of four because the numbered list formatting is something that’s a little hard to stick, but otherwise, yeah, here’s their list, and this one’s mine. But continued.

  1. Only by Nicki Minaj, Drake, Lil “F Phenomenal Weezy” Wayne, and also Chris Brown
    Okay so why is this a weird version of Saw? Is this some extreme interpretation of 50 Shades? Is this what the parents think 50 Shades is? Also this is a set up for a punchline. Grocery bag. This is weird. Nothing but various N-words and bitches are allowed in whatever this song is. Also everyone wants to seem to either do Nicki Minaj in this video or be done by her. Sure. You do that. I’m going to another song now.
  2. Elastic Heart by Sia Latah which is probably not the last name if there is one even
    Another jam by Sia with some crazy interpretive dance moves going on, this time featuring Actual Cannibal Shia Labeouf just doing it as well as the dancer from the last video Chandelier. It’s certainly an art experience. A kind of song one can truly get down to with emotions.
  3. Cool for the Summer by Demi Lovato
    This summer was insanely hot, don’t know how you got cool here. I was almost on fire for part of it but it was stopped in its tracks though that was one literal hell of a summer. I mean not me but like where I was, very close call. This song’s structured like an EDM track with like the low point and a buildup, this time not wussing out and actually having something worth calling a drop. Take me down just like a domino. Mind on my money and money on my mind. Don’t ask your mom. This song can be called a party jam and good despite the temperature being inaccurately represented here.
  4. Renegades (Not Of Funk) by X Ambassadors
    While it doesn’t go as hard as Renegades Of Funk, it’s a great jam. I’d say number one jam but it’s 54 on this list I guess though I think it was higher on the weekly lists.
  5. I Don’t Mind by Ursher and Juicy “Addicted” J
    He always calls himself “Ursher” so I figured why not. Anyway here’s another one of his songs where he sings. “Shawty” and “money money money money money money” and all those words. Also a guest rapper because why not. Party like it’s your birthday even though we don’t give any care about it being your birthday or not. I don’t really mind this song but I don’t wanna give it a lot of listens either I guess.
  6. Love Me Harder by Ariana Grande and Th Wkend
    What do you mean this wasn’t on the 50 Shades soundtrack? I don’t know, guess Mr. Week Ned or whatever his actual name is had enough songs there already. Either way here’s a loud pop song about do more love I guess. I don’t know, next thing.
  7. Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift
    A video about making a video probably. She wants to be your wildest dreams. Especially after the apparently inevitable breakup as she mentions. She knows what’s coming and wants to haunt you forever. Or something. Like a crazy ex. Or an oh, whatever that is. Speaking of... (Pretend maybe that Ex’s and Oh’s follows this so it makes sense but that song should really be higher, whoops, should save that for when I get to it, moving on now.)
  8. Stay With Me by Sam Smith
    This song sure has a lot of ramp up and choir and all that. However I already covered this one.
  9. You Know You Like It by DJ Snake and AlunaGeorge (all one word)
    Was this on the soundtrack to some Planet of the Apes movie I didn’t see? I’ve really only seen the first one I think and then the remake of the first one with the weird ass ending, you gotta see the ending at least it’s just like what the heck and why is this even. So anyway was there some scene of like chimpanzees twerking in some club at some point after they eat all the humans or whatever happens? I don’t know. I also don’t really know if I like this song or not, it’s kinda just there.
  10. Uma Thurman by Fall Out Boy
    While you could argue that Adele beat them to the punch having a song about Uma Thurman by mishearing the lyrics to “Rumor Has It” as “Uma Has It”, that’s not really a good argument. Also I don’t think Uma Thurman was ever in anything really Munsters-related yet for some reason the song just takes that riff. And it’s also more referring to Pulp Fiction Uma Thurman, even with some weird inconsistencies with the lyrics there apparently. I heard this song a whole lot over the summer. It’s all right, worth a few listens but hearing it every 10 minutes can take a drain on things, too. Dang top 40 stations, more like top 4 stations.
  11. 7/11 by Béyoncé
    Wow this video is shot badly. Also this song is made badly. Smack it in the air. Jump up and slap your butt I guess. What does this have to do with convenience stores? Or is this just about July 11th? Or November 7th? Put up all my hands up, really? How many hands do I have. Am I a squid? Aren’t those tentacles? Why is Beyoncé making weird club songs about butt slapping and what I can only guess is about sex in a taxi? Why is her foot a phone? Is this a callback to Telephone where blowing up her phone is a disaster? I’m not even sure anymore.
  12. The Heart Wants What It Wants (And It Wants To Come And Get It (Nananana)) by Selena Gomez
    It’s another one of these songs about love where guys leave and stuff and I can’t get into these, they’re slow and all.
  13. Girl Crush by LittleBigTownPlanet 2
    By now they’ve definitely left their pontoon (boat) and now there’s girl crushes. Though it sounds more like jealousy over someone cheating on them. I don’t think that’s really how a crush works. Unless she wants to go girl on girl with this and totally screw over that guy because screw him, but not literally, not at all. One heck of a weird ballad if anything here.
  14. Slow Motion by Trey Zongz
    UH I LIKE IT LIKE THAT KEEP WORKING THAT BACK YOU KNOW HOW TO ACT SLOW MOTION FOR ME. Not that song, but kinda the same topic here. Something I can’t get into though as cool as seeing random stuff in slow motion can be.
  15. Drag Me Down by One Direction
    This song might not be meant to be a drag but it feels like one to me. All these boy bands and the like, where they’re like actually still boys and not adults or something I guess. How old are they and how old was N’Sync when they did their thing? I don’t know.
  16. Truffle Butter by Nicki Minaj, Drake, and Lil Wayne
    “Shall I butter your truffles, good sir?” “By all means you shall, very good top shelf!” “Certainly, sir, I shall only use the finest butter on the finest of truffles for you are the finest of masters.” Make that a rap song and it’ll be way better than whatever the heck this is. Also it turns out that the Urban Dictionary insight on this term is just gross, as usual. Stick to the fancy people talk.
  17. One Last Time by Ariana “Rio” Grande
    It’s a video about the end of the world but not as good as REM. By a long shot, really. I can’t get into this though at least they all got blown up extremely violently probably. It’s a fictional video, it’s fine to do those things I guess. But not really.
  18. Chains by Nick Jonas
    First he was jealous and now he’s in chains. Great. Also that dog has so much slobber. Also more clichés. Yay. Is he only half as powerful as one brother instead of having both? Or does Disney own the rights to them being brothers or something?
  19. All Eyes On You by Meek Mill and Chris Brown and Nicki Minaj and there’s only three here.
    Is you drunk and is you had enough? Well, have you had enough grammar lessons? And not just country grammar, whatever that even is. All these songs you got to like some. This isn’t really one.
  20. No Type by Rae Smemmerurd
    They don’t have any type, except for when they only like a certain type of women. I guess. Who are even these guys anyway. I’d much prefer the country-western star called Ray Shumar.
  21. Riptide by Vance Joy
    This one’s okay I guess though yeah, very much indie-sounding and weird and sing-y. Also don’t sink the world’s wolf. That’s not a good thing to do apparently. Still all right. No wolf-sinking.
  22. Classic Man by Jidenna and Roman GianArthur
    I’m the classic man in the classic school, I rescued 17 chickens one day. Why does this have to be like a rap song that sounds like a Buzzard made the Beat? We need to bring back that classic swing sound, electroswing maybe.
  23. Ex’s and Oh’s by Elle King
    Here’s a hot number one jam, I will say that even though it’s not even that high on all the charts but it’s great. Rocks hard, sings hard, hards hard, all that good stuff. Bring this song up more. Listen to it. It’s good. Get more of this stuff in there.
  24. Dear Future Husband by Meghan “The Train” Trainor
    Dear future husband, don’t marry me. Oh no, you caused a time paradox, don’t do this, nooooooooo. And then this song never existed. The end. This was the song that Hey Mama did better apparently. No wonder I forgot. And then that one part that’s like aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! SOULJA BOY TELL EM DOT COM DOT ORG DOT GOV. Oh well. I guess that’s it for Meghan Trainor for this chart because that’s all the songs I’ve heard of OH WAIT NO THERE’S MORE TO COME.
  25. Marvin Gaye by Charlie Puth and Meghan “The Booty Train” Trainor
    EW. THIS GUY SOUNDS NOT MARVIN GAYE AT ALL. NO. NO. NO. NO. DON’T COME ON TO A GIRL LIKE THIS, IT SOUNDS GROSS IF YOU SING IT IN THAT WHINY TONE. It’s almost as bad as “MMM THE WAY YOU DO ME” in the non-gangsta drive-by song. Sam Smith could pull that off more, both lines, maybe, but maybe not do those anyway. Also “Pooth”. That’s apparently the right way to say it. “Pooth”.
  26. Like I’m Gonna Lose You by Meghan “Song Chain Booty Train Booty Bass” Trainor
    Like I’m gonna lose you. Said in the most sarcastic tone ever. It’s a song all right but yeah, not my type here. Of song. As far as shape and all I’m pretty open for discussion I guess.
  27. Habits (Stay High (420 Blaze It)) by Tove Lo (Tove High)
    I did this song. It was... something I guess, I still can’t really do this one.
  28. The Hanging Tree by... James Newton Howard who is a composer, and then Jennifer Lawrence who is an actor, from Hunger Games, Ya Ya Ya, Ya Ya Ya, Hunger Games
    This song makes more sense in context probably. I’d say it probably fits in the movie. This sounds like it went there more. Did they play this on the radio a bunch? Because it really gets hella orchestral at some points and I don’t know if many non-Internet and non-satellite stations really play much from movie soundtracks. Who knows, it could be anything, maybe the movie counts, because Vines apparently count now. Also there’s a remix by the Rebel Alliance in the movie or something. And then by browsing through YouTube I found this really stupid video called LEFT SWIPE DAT which is apparently some anti-smoking PSA that makes you less attractive if you have a smoke in your face. It’s so dumb. Also isn’t Truth kinda funded by the tobacco corporation anyway, by lawsuit, government, or otherwise? No wonder they had the money for such a dumb video.
  29. Coco by O.T. Genasis
    I’m in love with the cocoa, I drink it when it’s cold out. There’s your inevitable Kidzzzz Bopzzzzz version. Still sounds better than I SNORT LOTS OF DRUGS AND I GET ADDICTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED. This guy has nothing on Dr. Rockzo, who does cocaine.
  30. BANG BANG by Jessie J (not Juicy J), Ariana Griande (not Rio Grande), and Nicki Minaj (not NOT Nicki Minaj)
  31. Lay Me Down by Sam Smith
    LAY ME DOWN BEFORE YOU GO GO SOMETHING... ELSE... I GUESS. Not that song at all. Does this guy sing hymns at churches or something because this sounds like it could be one with like more words about Jesus probably. But not just replacing the word “baby” and otherwise with Jesus.
  32. Tuesday by I LOVE MAKONNEN and also Drake because I guess you need a rapper people know first now
    Going up on a Tuesday, going down on a Wednesday, Thursday something I don’t know, Friday, something again, Saturday do it again. What even is this song. It almost seems like the video you’d put out as a joke but not really. What does this guy’s name even mean? Is this somehow Japanese? What is a MAKONNEN? We may never know, like Tootsie Roll Pops, until some scientists actually figured that out apparently. Can scientists figure out rap? Can they see the juicy taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch or whatever that is?
  33. Hit the Quan by iLoveMemphis
    What the hell is a Quan and why should we hit it? Oh, great, first search result is for some dumb Vine contest. Why must Vines be so stupid? I could take a massive dump on a phone and make it a Vine and it would be a true meme. The hottest coolest meme hot meme cool memeness. That just sounds bad.
  34. Downtown by (deep breath) Macklemore, Ryan Lewis, Eric Nally, Melle Mel, Kool Moe Dee, and... Grandmaster Caz (deep exhale) (hits face on keyboard)
    estgoisdhbsgehiogisssssssshg Oh wait right this song. It’s a good song. Macklemore does it again. Get on a moped and ride, it’s awesome. Also this video was also filmed in his home state, though not quite Seattle this time. And it has the singer from Foxy Shazam which you may know of the song called I Like It, a song about the biggest black ass he’s ever seen. And he likes it. I like that song too, it’s crazy. On topic, I like this song, too, it’s Downtown done right I guess.
  35. House Party by Sam Hunt
    Hey I found the country. Of course it’s bro country sounding, of course. Where my country gone? This isn’t the party I want. I want to party with something like Foxy Shazam or Macklemore, how about that.
  36. Ayo by Chris Brown and... some tiger? They really let a tiger loose in the studio? That can’t be right. Oh. Tyga. Of course. Chris Brown and Tyga.
    What’s an Ayo? Is that a car or am I thinking of an Audi? Also they really did let a tiger loose in the studio going by the video. And people are dumping money into their pools and taking pictures of gold toilets. Well I can sure tell what kind of song this is. Not just any rap song, a bragging rap song. The weird thing is I’m not even sure if they’re trying to be ironic or sarcastic or what in the video.
  37. Kick The Dust Up by Luke Bryan
    Is this some real country? Uh... well it’s less bro-sounding at least, so that’s a start, but still a bit of pop stuff thrown in there. I’ll give it that at least.
  38. Blessings by Big “Gigantic Ass” Sean and Drake “Degrassi Joke” Drake and apparently also Kanye West
    Blessings on blessings on blessings on lessons on lessons on lessons on reverends on reverends on reverends on and on and on and on. What is this even about. Is this about being lucky or just saying he deserves everything ever or what even? Can I get those rap scientists?
  39. Budapest by George Ezra
    Budapest is the capital of Hungary apparently. His ass in Budapest, his aging treasure chest, a Golden Grahams piano, and a “deeveedoh” for you, whatever that is. This song’s not bad. I’d jam it.
  40. Chandelier by I Sia
    This song again. Still all right, still one heck of a choreography.
  41. Heartbeat Song by Kelly Clarkson
    Yes, she’s still around. She knows how to stay around at least. Also what’s with all these songs that say what they are? When’s “Bragging Rap Song” and “Boy Band Song Dedicated To Some Various Undefined Girl”? Also saying that she’s going to play it. Right now I’m writing a review of this song that I don’t quite know what to feel about it, wherein there’s good and not so good parts I can form an opinion on but can’t merge a coherent one. Now I am deciding to move on to the next song in the list.
  42. Don’t by Ed Sheeran
    Here’s a good song I like by this guy, but it’s on the list from last year, so my recap is brief. Way down here.
  43. Ghost by Ella Henderson
    I KEEP WALKING WITH A GHOST, I SAY PLEASE, PLEASE DON’T EXIST. Oh, wait, it’s not that one. This is the other one. YOUR GHOST DOES SOMETHING SOMETHING OTHER THAN THAT, GIVE UP THE GHOST, WHICH MEANS JUST DIE, WELCOME TO DIE. Yeah this song can be pretty dark if you think of it in that way. Don’t die. And don’t think of this song too darkly like I just did. It’s really more of an ex thing probably. Don’t kill your exes. Or ohs. Whatever the situation was in Scott Pilgrim may differ. In my search I also found a song by a band called Ghost I think I may have actually heard before. ARE YOU READY TO ROCK???
  44. Here by Alessia Cara
    So if you search in Google for “here” then it just pulls up a map of generally where you are. Interesting. Perhaps spooky. But that’s GeoIP for you. So she doesn’t seem to want to be at this party because nobody’s really responsible and it’s just awful company apparently. It kinda sounds like a PSA that some sample keeps talking over. She’s got better company. And they’ll kick a lot of proverbial butt. It’s something I can get with. I don’t go to many parties myself unless it’s a sort of responsible thing I can get down to.
  45. Waves by Mr. Probz
    I’m all for an instrumental jam but this has too many lyrics to be instrumental. It’s not too bad either way. There’s also a remix, but it sounds so similar that I don’t know which one was on the radios all the time. Is it even a remix? Not sure.
  46. El Perdon (Forgiveness) by Nicky Jam and Enrique Iglesias
    So this song has two versions, English and Spanish, and I don’t know which one they mean here, but I guess it just depends on which language you understand more maybe. Or if it sounds better in one than the other. I mean they call Spanish a Romantic language, but that’s partly because of the roots of it. But it’s also called the language of romance, too, so yeah. But I think French is, too. I don’t know. So this song sounds okay but what is with these sorts of songs and that weird synth drum line? I swear it’s almost as iconic as that tuba and trumpet thing is for other Spanish songs that I hear all the time on those stations that you can get in like any state.
  47. She Knows by Ne-Yo The Yo-Yo and Juicy J The Addicted
    Great I’m only a few seconds in and the first instrument sounds like farts. And then some baby goes GAH??? What even is this. Why are there just random stripper poles in the drug store? Are they selling some really good drugs in there that let you see invisible strippers? What about the library? Is this the power of reading? Are they reading porn? As in not looking at the pictures but reading the stories? And in the park with picnics? I can’t even explain that one. This song’s okay at best but this video is just so hilarious. Just constant baby noises over fart trumpets and all these pole dancing ladies in random places and I don’t know I mean I don’t know if it beats fat rapper jumping off a bridge and causing a tidal wave but this is some hilarious stuff. You gotta see this one. But maybe not at work because there’s butts everywhere.
  48. Night Changes by One Direction
    Bands can break up over what seems like overnight. There’s your night changes. Well they call it a hiatus where they want to get solo careers going but still. Who knows. Anyway this song I don’t really go for. So yeah.
  49. Back to Back by Drake
    The Back to Back I know is a weird song from Sonic Rush. I like that one better. This one’s just kinda dumb. Also it’s another one of those songs that’s about rappers yelling about other rappers who aren’t as good or rich as them or something. All of those things are just like political ads but generally less shouting and blatant but almost as stupid in practice, however I don’t think many politicians could keep a rhythm, so at least there’s that.
  50. How Deep Is Your Love by Calvin Harris and some Disciples
    Is this a weird art film that’s based on the Fifth Element or some kind of EDM track? Maybe it’s both. Who ever knows in this strange land. I don’t have too much to say about this. It’s an EDM track with some stuff. That’s all I’ve got.
Well that’s the whole list, I guess we’re done, until next year. Or if I go back to the past even further and really dig up the archaeological sites with dinosaur tools. Find some ancient seeds and stuff and do the paleo diet thing. Have a dinosaur ranch so you get all the food groups. Or the dinosaurs just eat you maybe. Or maybe it’s just an amusement park. Like it somehow went right even though I’m sure they unleashed carnivorous dinosaurs on a major city and weren’t nuked by the government to make Godzilla happen. How did they ever let that pass? Anyway songs are over so time to finish this list for real. It’s done. Yep. Go home. I guess. Unless you are. Then stay there. Unless you got things to do. Then do those. Sure.

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