2010 Old Song Thing Part 1/2
Well, here we go again. Even older this time. I don’t know why I’m drawn to these. Maybe yelling at songs is somewhat cathartic or whatever the word. Here’s the list, and below are my thoughts.
- Tik Tok by Ke$$$ha
Oh. This wasn’t a great year for things was it. When this is up top. Well it’s kinda not great at all. Did people think the world was going to end this year instead of 2012 and forget to do effort in songs? I don’t know. But this is pretty low effort. Wake up like P. Diddy somehow and drink a bunch of liquor to brush your teeth, which the hygienic effects of which are questionable depending on how much they eliminate plaque and gingivitis.
- Need You Now by Lady Antebellum Cerebellum Brain Joke
Country being this high up? Yeah they were kinda desperate for something good and popular to put on the charts it looks like and went for a fairly decent country song, though a little bit sappy for my taste.
- Hey, Soul Sister by Train
I bet this supposed soul sister would come up with a better song than this one. Maybe even in the soul genre. That’s about all I’ve got. This was annoying on the radio and stereo.
- California Gurls by Katy Perry and Snoop Dogg because why not I guess
Okay you spell California right but then misspell “girls”? And I highly doubt this is part of a movement like the whole “womyn” thing. Seeing what happens in the video. Girls being trapped in candy for some reason and then they face off against Snoop Dogg and Katy Perry has to equip the BOOBAGE OF WHIPPED CREAM to shoot everyone. It’s kinda like the Austin Powers thing with the robots but it’s whipped cream instead of bullets.
- OMG by Usher and Will I Am Not
Usher stole this from Homer Simpson. I’m not kidding. When the charts are so desperate for hits they swipe them from a cartoon show then you’ve got a problem. And even so Homer has more tone to his song than in Usher’s. But I guess that’s what happens with Will.I.Am involved. Or just William. Don’t abuse punctuation.
- Airplanes by B.O.B. and Hayley Williams
I really could use a wish, or could have back then, to have better songs chart. This one got annoying pretty fast. I like Hayley Williams more with her band because that’s not a bad get-together there.
- Love The Way You Lie by Eminem and Rihanna
No you don’t. This song is kinda nonsensical. They’re both big liars. Or Rihanna’s just there to be backup vocals. Either way I don’t like this one.
- Bad Romance by Lady Gagagagaga
Finally, a song I can... tolerate. If only for being so catchy and weird. And a REALLY LOUD BASS SYNTH LINE. It’s all right I guess.
- Dynamite by Taio Cruz
I raise my ass up in the air somehow screaming out my ass. More like this song is kinda ass. Not entirely so but it’s a pretty standard club song I guess.
- Break Your Heart by Taio Cruz and Ludacris
He’s only here to break break your break break your break break your break break your break break your break break your break break your break break your break break your break break your break break your break break your break break your break break your break break your break break your break break your break break your break break your break break your heart like a broken record. Ludacris is all right though, he has good stuff.
- Nothin’ On You by B.O.B. and Bruno Mars
Beautiful girls all over the world have nothing on this one specific beautiful girl somewhere in the world that they’re talking to. So if they’re not talking to you, YOU AIN’T GOT NO ALIBI, YOU UGLY. That’s not a good message to send out. And this song’s not too great either, at least by what I like.
- I Like It by Enrique Iglesias and Pitbull
THAT’S THE BIGGEST BLACK ASS I’VE EVER SEEN AND I LIKE IT A LOT. Oh, wait, that’s a song I actually find fun. But I’ll admit this song here is at least pretty high energy even being a general club song. Must be what Enrique brings to things. But remember, tonight he’s BONING YOU. Like that OTHER song. Which is INCREDIBLY RUDE. Yeah... No. Anyway.
- Bedrock by Young Money and some guy named Lloyd
This has to be one of the dumbest rap songs ever. The whole song is a joke about a pun about being Fred Flintstone and living in a town called Bedrock. And say it with me...
GROCERY BAG.
Yeah. This is THAT song. This was not a good year for songs.
- In My Head by Jason Derulo
IN MY HEAD YOU ARE HAVING LOTS OF SEX WITH ME. There. That’s the entire meaning of this song. Headcanons. Really perverted ones. But a lot of people have them. They just don’t always write songs about them. For good reasons.
- Rude Boy by Rihanna
COME A RUDE BOY BOY TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT BOY BOY BOY BOY TAKE BOY ELLA A A A A A NANANANANA COME ON. Yep, this sure is a Rihanna song with a lot of loud repetitiveness.
- Telephone by Lady Gaga and Beyonce
A weird song and a weird video. If you blow up Beyonce’s phone it’s a disaster. And somehow Lady Gaga having a cooking show about poison isn’t. Absolutely no sense. Lady Gaga’s singing type of thing contrasts well with Beyonce’s LOUD YELLING SINGING.
- Teenage Dream by Katy Perry
Still a teenage dream despite being all legally aged and stuff. Somehow. I covered this song but yeah, nothing too much here.
- Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars
So... this sounds almost exactly like Nothin’ On You. And it pretty much is. Just that it focuses more on trying to make light on things a girl might be insecure about as opposed to COMPLETELY SHUTTING DOWN EVERY OTHER GIRL. Dang weird ballad type junk stuff.
- Cooler Than Me by Mike Posner
And now a song that just straight up calls out the type of girl who thinks they’re the best but is about the same level as anyone else. Well we’re starting to get into some different things at least. Compared to most of the list so far this is actually pretty all right. And I suppose it can stand on its own too. So there you go.
- I’m A Bee by Black Eyed Bees
The official soundtrack to Bee Movie. I wish. This follows that movie by a couple years at least. Maybe it was inspired by the movie. For whatever reason this song is two songs because even they were getting bored of their own songs by this point. The first part is this dumb slow bit that just repeats I’M A BEE over and over and then it gets into the second part which barely lasts any time but is more danceable at least. Still pretty dumb though. But it is a good thing to repeat if you are a bee for real.
- Empire State Of Mind by Jay Keys and Alicia Z
If you Google it, it tells you that it’s written in the key of F-sharp major. Weird response. This might not even have a video because all I find are those dumb Windows Movie Maker lyrics videos and live concerts. Also this is one of those remixes or something that someone raps over. Great. It’s pretty average though at least Alicia Keys can sing. So maybe look at the version that’s just her.
- DJ Got Us Fallin’ In Love by Usher and Pitbull
According to the video, the DJ also controls time. Why not make a song about that? TIME DJ, STARRING SOME ACTION HERO. RATED PG-13 FOR THE KIDS. Sure be a lot more exciting than this song. Also Pitbull does that stupid joke about Flintstones in Bedrock. Was everyone just obsessed about this joke? Was that why music was really bad this year?
- Billionaire by Travie McCoy and Bruno Mars
This song is pretty decent at covering the subject matter of just wanting to be successful. Though I’m still not a great fan of this one. It’s kinda... not far-reaching enough. A better song that’s come out more recently is Whales by Hail Mary Mallon. That one takes the dream to much more of an extreme. And satirizes the hell out of it.
- Not Afraid by Eminem
He’s not afraid. Of something. Because I don’t know what. I tune out of this song pretty quick. Not one I like.
- Replay by Iyaz
So this short person becomes a song inside his head and his iPod is broken. That’s the literal sense. Of course it’s a song about thinking about some random girl constantly. Funnily enough, this song being replayed a billion times was way more than enough for me to know I didn’t really like it.
- Sexy Chick by David Guetta and Akon and the Acorns
Well, it’s actually called Sexy Bitch but YOU CAN’T SWEAR ON TV I GUESS. This song is stupid. It sounds like a sexless robot trying to figure out sex. It’s very LOUD AND REPETITIVE.
- Breakeven by The Script
I’M FALLING TO PIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECES YEAH. This sounds straight out of the 90s when they had all those upbeat but downbeat guitar kinda rock-ish guy singing songs. I forgot it was a bit more recent than that. It’s... okay I guess. I don’t hate it. I don’t love it. It’s there and okay. Which on this list makes it one of the best songs somehow.
- Your Love Is My Drug by K€sha
Like this for example. Not great. Never really been a fan of this.
- I Gotta
Pee Feeling by Black Eyed Pee
I got a feeling that this song isn’t really great but it’s certainly better than bee sex or whatever that last one was. And that other stupid pixel song where Kotaku thinks all Minecraft people hate music. Also apparently there’s two Saturdays in a week. They need to go to school again.
- Fireflies by Owl City
The video for this is like the wussy hipster version of Toy Story. It got played a bit too much. By a lot. It’s not great by my opinion but you could do much worse. Like a bunch of other songs on this list.
- Say Aah by Trey Songz and Fabolous
So this starts with him sounding drunk about nobody moving his car? And then he’s all like telling this girl to go AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA like here comes the airplane and apparently the airplane is full of liquor and might eventually become a penis. And beat the body like a conga? What the hell do these people do? Are they implying incest with Homer and Bart Simpson now? Or apparently it was supposed to be Marge but I heard Bart. But they just want this girl’s mouth open so they can shove things in it. Sounds like the expected thing I guess. Wonderful. As in no.
- Find Your Love by Drake
It’s this dumb song. HEY HEY HEY IT’S DRAKE AND NOT FAT ALBERT. Like this one time so there’s this fighting game called MUGEN that you probably heard of where it’s just like whatever characters they made up and I saw a video where Fat Albert was fighting Blaziken. Weird as hell. But this song is dumb I think.
- Alejandro by Lady Gagagagagagagaga
This one’s repetitive but tolerable. Don’t call the name don’t say the name Alealealealelaelalelalealealelelaleallealelaleaeajandro. There’s much worse from Lady Gaga. But catchy enough I guess.
- Ridin’ Solo by Jason Derulo
FEELING LIKE A STAR I DO A THING AND THEN SOMETHING ELSE I’M SOLO I’M HAN SOLO I’M HAN SOLO I’M HAN SOLO. FEELING LIKE A THING AND THEN THERE’S A STORMTROOPER AND WHY DOES THIS GAME EVEN EXIST I GUESS FOR THIS SONG I’M HAN SOLO. KINECT IS DANCING AND PLAYSTATION MOVE IS SOMETHING ELSE AND THE WII EXISTS I GUESS I’M HAN SOLO. NOW HERE’S LANDO CALRISSIAN OR HOWEVER YOU SPELL THE NAME HE’S NOT HAN SOLO I’M HAN SOLO. ALL THE OTHER GAMES ARE PRETTY BAD BUT AT LEAST IT’S HARD TO MESS UP A DANCE GAME THOUGH THIS IS JUST WEIRD AS HELL I’M HAN SOLO I’M HAN SOLO I’M HAN SOLO. Oh yeah the actual song, uh, well, it’s not too bad I guess but Kinect Star Wars happened and you can’t forget it. As much as you want to. Great to put words right on everyone’s crotch and ass so you stare right into them.
- Just A Dream by Nelly
I remember this video, he invented hovercars for some reason. And stuff exploded. And the giant One Ring summoned Sauron and Satan at the same time. Exploding cars are cool I guess but I can’t get behind the song otherwise.
- How Low by Ludacris
Apparently Ludacris becomes a ghost and if you twerk enough Ludacris shows up. That’s pretty much what this song is about. And why is there randomly chipmunks? Is that supposed to sound good because it just sounds hilarious.
- Like A G6 by Who Even Cares Too Many People
I hate this song. Next song.
- Carry Out by Timbaland and Justin Timberland
A song about getting Chinese takeout? Maybe??? Or a girl becomes food. Eat the booty like groceries. Gross. It’s a butt not a peach even if they look the same. ME YOU YOU ME ME YOU YOU ME ME YOU YOU ME ME YOU YOU ME ME YOU YOU ME. It’s okay at best.
- Haven’t Met You Yet by Michael Bubbly
Don’t confuse this guy with Robin Thicke for no reason, this guy at least seems to have a sense of respect or something. And he’s looking for a Russian unicorn maybe. Let me focus on the actual song before I focus on that one. It’s all right. That’s about all I got.
- Club Can’t Handle Me by Florida State and David Gutter
Apparently this song was in 3D for some song about dancing. They can dance ON TOP OF YOUR FACE. But here’s a very typical club song. And that’s all I have to say about that. Very club-like. Clubs you in the face with some kind of beat. I guess.
- Down by Jay Sean and Lil Wayne
BABY ARE YOU DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN. No. I’m not. Why is Lil Wayne here.
- Bulletproof by La Roux
Before Sia sang and the whoever the remix person was made that boring, there was this song. And this song was also on Kinect Star Wars. But not as “iconic” as I’M HAN SOLO. This is really synthesized. Throw in a Casio solo or something. Just like HAN SOLO. And of course because this was 2010 there’s like a bunch of Team Fortress 2 remixes with the Heavy because he says the word bulletproof once.
- Whatcha Say by Jason Derulo
So like back in the day there was this show where someone got shot and the song played MMM WHATCHA SAY, and then there was a comedy bit about it later, and then it became a meme of some kind and now you can’t take it seriously anymore. And then this song happens and now you can take it even less seriously. Some guy singing over it isn’t going to fix it. It just makes it worse.
- Baby by Justin Baby and Ludababy
BABY BABY BABY OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JUST SHUT UP ALREADY. Okay anyway here’s the song everyone hates. The end. Why is Ludacris here.
- Whataya Wantaya From Me by Adam Lambertaya
This guy was on American Idol once. I think that’s all I really remember. And that he might have been gay, but this was like 2010 so the media just loves to find gay people whether or not they are. Even today. Even if they just tell someone directly that they’re gay the media is all like HEY EVERYBODY I’M LOOKING AT GAY PORNO and then there’s like 20 sex tapes about having sex with tapes. But anyway here’s a song that I remember existing and I wasn’t big on it either way. Like out of all the American Idol people like the most successful would be the first one Kelly Clarkson and the rest would be people who left the show early probably, like this was one of the guys. There was also Daughtry before.
- Mine by Taylor Swift
Taylor Swift arms a mine in your car if you threaten to leave her, because you don’t leave her, she leaves you. Actually, no, this isn’t that. This is still when it was still country-related. So, country song, a guy who was hers but now isn’t probably, I’m pretty sure. That’s about it.
- Only Girl (In The World) by Rihanna (A Singer)
MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE THE ONLY GIRL WHOEVER EXISTED. Yeah, I looked at this one last list.
- Live Like We’re Dying by Kris Allen
So if you live like you’re dying do you just lay around in a hospital bed or bleed all over the place? That’s a question I guess. Nanananananananana HEY MACARENA! HEY! No, really, this is a new version of the Macarena where you die I guess. It’s a horror film. Macarena OF DEATH. Rated PG-13 so you can bring your girlfriend I guess. But really, this song just reminds me of the Macarena so much.
- Hard (Like A Penis (Get It)) by Rihanna and Jeezy Louise-y
AYAYAYAYAYAYA AYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY AYAYAYAYY AYAY AYAYAY AY AYYAY AYA YAY A YA YA YA YA YA YA Y A YA YA YAY A YA YA YA YA YA YA YA Y AYA YA YA YAYAYAYAYA. AYYYYYYYYY. SIT ON IT. This song is about the rain not letting up and the rain is her songs. The rain comes down so HARD you might need an UMBERELLA. A A A A. So pretty much a bragging song of sorts.
- Young Forever by Jay-Z and Mr. Hudson
So here pretty much Jay-Z raps over a song that existed. I thought that was mainly Kanye West’s thing. Oh, wait, he produced it. That’s why. And... I don’t really know if the rap really adds much to the existing concept. I think it’s just there to be there, I guess. Because this is 2010, anything goes in music.
And there you have it, halfway through this... mess. Yeah, it’s a bit of a mess. Some interesting, some... much less so. And there’s still a whole other half to this. Good luck to me I guess.