It's a place all right.

July 16, 2016 (Originally posted on Tumblr)

2006 Top Song List Reviews: Last List Edition, Part 1

Well, here we go, the last list apparently hosted on Billboard’s site specifically. I don’t know why it only goes back this far there, but other lists exist. I guess let’s get straight to it after the read more break thing.

  1. Bad Day by Daniel Powter
    And topping this list is a whiny sappy song about how some days suck but that doesn’t mean you had to write a song about it. I mean come on. This almost ranks as high as another song on this list in terms of whiny and repetitive annoyances that were played way too much on the radio.
  2. Temperature by Sean Paul
    It’s this guy again, back when he was around more. He wants the right temperature Freschetta you from the storm. He can be the Popeye and you can beat them off. Uh oh. Yes I can hardly ever tell what he says.
  3. Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado and Timbaland
    It’s a song that made me look up what this word meant. And it’s fittingly on an album called “Loose”. Timbaland brings the beat like always. Weird how you get this song from the same lady who sang something about being a bird once.
  4. You’re Beautiful by James “Smoking A” Blunt
    This is that other song which is even worse in terms of whiny and repetitive annoyances that were played too much on the radio. Just some guy who takes off all his clothes and jumps off some cliff into cold water to try to swim for some reason. Yeah, I can’t stand this one. And there was some unreleased parody by Weird Al for a while that was eventually released somehow because the record company got all dumb and stuff, so then Weird Al broke their Wikipedia page in White and Nerdy.
  5. Hips Don’t Lie by Shakira and Wyclef Jean
    Her butt tells the truth. Even white boys got to shout, baby got back. Yeah, here’s another Shakira sort of song that comes in at least two languages. Not too bad here.
  6. Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield
    Before she was happy and feeling glad with a pocket full of sunshine, here’s... another uplifting sort of song. I guess that’s her style.
  7. Crazy by Gnarls Barkley
    This song got pretty big for some reason, maybe it was the funk beat, the singing, everything else, I don’t know. It actually got to the point where I thought it was getting played a little too often, and I still like the song. Also the video is a bunch of those ink blot things. But with stuff in them.
  8. Ridin’ by Chamillionaire and Krayzie Bone
    This song hits hard and doesn’t hit not hard. It’s so good the parody had to be done and that’s also a good one. It’s pretty much about the police always going after the people who aren’t white because of racism, but the lyrics go back and forth between “cops are after me just because I’m black” and “I’m actually intending some criminal activity and evading them”. So it’s a bit weird in that matter but still out there and well done.
  9. Sexyback by Justintimberlake
    Here it is again, back again, like sexy, apparently. Yeah. This happens when you do the lists backwards, you find the song peaks after the less peaks.
  10. Check On It by Beyonce and Slim Thug
    This song has rapping for some reason and also features one of the most monotone choruses I’ve heard while still having a few other notes. But it’s still Beyonce at her Beyoncest. Which is pretty much just about anytime.
  11. Be Without You by Mary J Blige
    She can sing, and she doesn’t seem to want to be without this guy. After some fight apparently.
  12. Grillzzzzzzzzzzzz by Nelly and Paul Wall and Ali and Gipp
    Of course, “grill bling” as it was called. Essentially shoving some jewelry mouthpiece into the mouth. I’m not entirely sure the reasoning behind this. Also may have been a Southern thing because the Southern type of hip-hop was big around this time. But it’s just weird. And possibly damaging for oral hygiene if proper care isn’t taken. This is a song all about it. And of course the video just has a lot of close-ups of mouths with stuff in them. What if they just ate the front of the camera off with their metal jewel teeth because it was some crazy strong power they had with the grill bling?
  13. Over My Head (Cable Car (Which Is Usually Overhead)) by The Fray
    Step 1 it’s these guys again, oh no. Step 2 he says the pledge wrong, like none of the words right, forget about whether “Under God” should be in there or not, he just completely botched the whole thing. Step 3 this is the video I thought of before that takes place in a school so I thought it was related to Jeremy. Step 4 I’m done with this.
  14. Me & U by Cassie
    Here’s some girl who sings words over some very basic beat made with like two Casio instruments on one Casio. That’s about it. I forgot this existed.
  15. Buttons by The Pussycat Dolls and Snoop Dogg
    Is Snoop there because they’re cats and he’s a Dogg? I don’t know, but he’s there. It almost sounds like they say “loosen up my butt and say”. Also when I saw this video before, I thought one of the girls was trapped in a giant condom and they farted really badly which made the fire appear on the ground while they were sitting on it. I thought a lot of things as a sorta kid.
    RUN! IT’S THIS GUY AGAIN! RUN FROM IT! This guy was whiny as heck always, this hard sorta club beat doesn’t help it. And some guy rips off of I Know What Boys Like.
  17. So Sick of Ne-Yo
    Wait, I meant BY Ne-Yo, not... well, actually, I don’t know, I don’t hate the songs, they’re just really not my thing. And he doesn’t like them either, at least in this song. Love songs and stuff. Then he went on to sing about like 100 more I guess.
  18. It’s Goin’ Down by Yung Joc
    Meet me in the club, it’s going down, give me 20 dollars. If you want a rap song, this counts as one. It has a very basic beat which is like five notes. And most of them are the same.
  19. SOS by Rihanna
    She needs someone to rescue her. From what, I don’t know. From not having sex? Again, I don’t know.
  20. I Write Sins Not Tragedies But I Do Write Pretty Long Song Titles Sometimes by Panic! At! The! Disco!!!
    So the bridesmaid says the groomsbride is a whore. I CHIME IN SCREAMING CLOSE THE FUCKING DOOR YOU BITCH, SICK OF HEARING YOUR SHIT. SHUT THE HELL UP OR I’LL POISON YOUR RATIONALITY. Overall this is a pretty good song. And they’re still making music. Also good.
  21. Move Along by The All-American Rejects
    A song about keeping going and stuff while this guy transitions between a million scenes at once in some sorta not really stop motion thing. Trippy video sorta I guess.
  22. London Bridge by Fergie
    Depending on the version you find, it’s OH SNAP or OH SHIT or OH HOT DAMN THIS IS MY JAM repeated every single line. Maybe not the last one. What is her “London Bridge”? Is it her butt? Her panties? Is it somehow not an innuendo? And did Kidz Bop cover this? I mean it is called sorta like that one song that kids listen do. Apparently not. I wonder if you can suggest songs for them to cover somewhere. And if you can, I bet it’s been flooded with requests for “Real N-word Roll Call” and other gangsta-variety raps.
  23. Dani California by Red Hot Chili Peppers
    This song’s not too bad. Though it kinda does draw a lot from Mary Jane’s Last Dance. There was no lawsuit even though some people said there should be one, but it turns out the same producer worked on both, so the producer would be suing himself and Tom Petty had no intent whatsoever to sue as well. It is a pretty good song, though not as crazy as some of their older stuff, it does have that vibe.
  24. Snap Yo Fingers by Lil Jon and E-40 and Sean Paul of the Youngbloodz, not that other Sean Paul
    This video could probably cause seizures, yet I don’t think they got a warning for it. Like that one really annoying Kanye West video. But this is Lil Jon doing his usual yelling with some guest rapping. That’s what Lil Jon does. Turn down for something.
  25. Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It by Dem Franchise Boyz and Lil Peanut and Charlay
    What are rap names. Also, this song is pretty repetitive. Lean wit it rock wit it lean wit it rock wit it lean wit it rock wit it lean wit it rock wit it lean wit it rock wit it lean wit it rock wit it lean wit it rock wit it lean wit it rock wit it lean wit it rock wit it lean wit it rock wit it lean wit it rock wit it lean wit it rock wit it lean wit it rock wit it lean wit it rock wit it lean wit it rock wit it lean wit it rock wit it lean wit it rock wit it lean wit it rock wit it lean wit it rock wit it. Just that for... however long it is. And maybe other words.
  26. What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts
    Is it this song? Yes. Yes it is. If you don’t like slow country that’s all sappy and stuff. And I’m not a fan of it.
  27. How To Save A Life by The Fray
    Step 1 SHUT UP. Enough of this song.
  28. Unfaithful by Rihanna
    So she’s singing about how she keeps going with some other guys but doesn’t want to? But she keeps doing it? And also doesn’t want to murder people. I don’t entirely get this. Also I don’t think she does slow jamzzzzzzz much.
  29. Not Chasing Cars At All by Snow Patrol
    Yeah, they’re just still doing nothing. Random dogs chase more things than they do.
  30. Lips Of An Angel by Hinder
    The tale of phone sex once again. Or something.
  31. Everytime We Touch by Cascada
    This is how EDM used to be. And kinda still is, but I swear the general way of it got more boring over time because there was less dynamic between the parts, however that works, like all the parts became too close to just being one kind of part. So, does EDM refer more to modern EDM and the older stuff is just “dance” or “club”, or is it just an encompassing genre for as long as synth beats existed? Also the singing part doesn’t seem like repetitively sampled. This song actually has a buildup and a payoff that are distinct enough in execution. Some might call it a “drop” but I just associate that with dubstep more. This one just becomes SWEET RAVE PARTY.
  32. Ain’t No Other Man by Christina Aguilera
    Well this song has energy. This definitely works as some kind of anthem maybe? And the lovers better not be presidents. Because there’s no other man. And the beat also seems to combine big band and disco somehow.
  33. Dance, Dance by Fall Out Boy
    Here’s a song from these guys. There’s not as many lyrics to mishear in this one though, but something about love on a “maduress”. It’s definitely some kind of rock thing.
  34. Gold Digger by Kanye West and Jamie Foxx
    It’s one of those Kanye songs I like. It has a strong beat, Jamie Foxx is providing some good vocals, and it’s about dealing with women who might be actually after money, like someone with a kid that wasn’t even from the guy who was paying support and all that, or maybe it was 18 kids, who even knows. And one of the girls in the video stabs really violently with this glowing butter knife or something. Overall, may not be a gold digger, but certain mannerisms imply as such and Kanye West is definitely not a “broke broke”. Except apparently he did become one because something happened about not investing right or something, like it involved Tidal maybe? I barely even know what Tidal is. I have never been able to really tell what’s going on with him. But if he needs someone to MS Paint a cover art real cheap I can do that.
  35. Money Maker by Ludacris and Pharrell
    Again, they could have made even greater songs together, but this I guess has to do.
  36. Ms. New Booty by Bubba Sparxxxxxxxxxxxx and the Ying Yang Twinzzzzzzz and Mr. Collipark
    BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY ROCKING EVERYWHERE BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY ROCKING EVERYWHERE BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY ROCKING EVERYWHERE FLOPPING OUT OF THE PANTS AND SLAPPING ITS CHEEKS AROUND THERE IS SO MUCH BOOTY HELP IT’S ATTACKING ME. If you want a song about butts, this is a song about butts. The video is an infomercial about these girls that want to learn how to twerk so they look inside this box that looks like it has dryer sheets in it but it’s really got like the Ark of the Covenant inside and when they see God or something inside the box they just start twerking. Yep, that’s a rap video somehow. It has butts.
  37. (When You Gonna) Give It Up To Me by Sean Paul, not the Sean Paul from Youngbloodz but the other Sean Paul, and Keyshia Cole
    The only words I know for sure in this song are “give it up to me”. The rest is Sean Paul talk. It might mean something but I need a secret decoder ring for this accent. Also I think this song was in a movie, like I’m Rich And You’re Poor But Let’s Dance Together or something.
  38. Lookadis Photograph by Nickelback
    LOOKADIS PHOTOGRAPH EVERYTIME I DO IT MAKES ME LAUGH. And nobody remembered the rest of this song. Because that part alone made them laugh. I guess it’s some acoustic thing about memories? I don’t know. BUT LOOKADIS PHOTOGRAPH.
  39. Because Of You by Kelly Clarkson
    It wouldn’t be a modern chart with Kelly Clarkson would it? If I want to be blunt about this, it’s a song about daddy issues. She claims it’s the most depressing song she’s ever written ever. Because there’s like actual history in there too. Yeah.
  40. Stickwitu by The Pussycat Dolls
    What’s a “stickwitu”? Oh, they just jammed words together and they’re trying to be loyal. But there’s like... five of them. Does this work? I don’t even know. They don’t have polygamy in every place because it sometimes doesn’t really work and sometimes when it does it’s just an illusion or something and the dude in charge put like shock collars on all hundred wives or something and then it’s just incredibly illegal and wrong and all that. I mean, I guess they can stick with whoever it is they’re after, sure, as long as that doesn’t happen.
  41. I’m N Luv (Wit A Stripper) by T-Pain and Mike Jones, whoever he is
    Apparently T-Pain is in love with a random stripper. For some reason. And then Mike Jones is there. Who? I don’t even know anymore. But he was around once.
  42. My Humps by The Black Eyed Peas
    Post-Elephunk Black Eyed Peas. Hmm. Well this pretty much defines something. Like a butt. Or boobs. Or both. Maybe other random lumps. Like... elbows. Or like when in the old days they tried to figure out how someone’s mind worked by measuring the lumps on their shaved head, those could be in there too. But it’s probably butts and boobs in this song. This song which is just completely and utterly blatant about things. But overall, this song is just utterly and completely stupid. It can’t be taken seriously. It’s practically a parody of itself. There’s so many brands named and it’s all about Fergie talking about her various body parts. Like the best way someone could actually parody this song is Alanis Morissette covering it in the style of some kind of depressing sort of ballad. And that takes it to a whole different level.
  43. Where’d You Go by Fort Minor and Holly Brook
    Remember when the guy who would rap on Linkin Park songs went to do rap on his own kinda? Yeah, this was one of those things. It’s something about going off on a career and ignoring family. If you wanted to look too deep into it, it’s like he left Linkin Park to do his own thing and they had to get him back, but I don’t think that was it probably.
  44. Yo (Excuse Me Miss (Attention Dear Madam I Would Like To Speak With You Promptly)) by Chris Brown
    This video has at least three songs, Run It, this one, and then some other one at the end for no reason because rap videos would just randomly do that around this time, like, okay, enough of this one song, just go to another right now for some reason. Anyway Chris Brown abandons his job at what is maybe a shoe store to pursue random women. That’s about it. And that’s the song.
  45. Walk Away by Kelly Clarkson
    It really wouldn’t be a modern list without Kelly Clarkson, so this list is even more modern or something. This is a much more upbeat song than the other one, but also saying that if someone be fronting, whatever that means, they can just get outta there. It’s time to G-O out the D-O.
  46. Laffy Taffy by D4L
    This is the weirdest term for a butt I’ve ever heard. Oh. It’s not the butt. It’s something else? How do you do that? Is that anatomically feasible? Anyway he’s comparing sex to candy. That’s new. That’s sarcasm. Also this song is pretty dumb and repetitive and the beat is like four notes on a Casio. Four notes might be generous.
  47. What You Know by TI-TIP-TP for my bunghole
    He’s explaining what he does as a rapper and person who raps about things he does. HE RAPS. That’s all I got.
  48. Dirty Little Secret by The All-American Rejects
    Some thing about sharing secrets on a sign. They invented pet shaming for people before pet shaming was a thing or something. Some kinda MTV rock song pretty much.
  49. Savin’ Me by Nickelback
    So this video’s about this guy who has like the power of the Shinigami Eyes in Death Note but he’s not killing people, he’s like finding random people and making them not die, but then his power like transitions to like other people and they get the power, so they see like how long people have until they’re just dead, but instead of being some weird unreadable number it’s like seconds, so it’s like the most backwards version of this Death Note thing ever. Also Nickelback is there with some song.
  50. Don’t Forget About Us by Mariah Carey
    Mariah Carey sings. And then some random guy says Y’ALL KNOW WHAT THIS IS. So, I guess, don’t forget about this. Sure.
Okay, that’s half of it done so far, the next part is... next. And then we’re done. For now. But you know it’s not actually gonna be done.

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