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July 16, 2016 (Originally posted on Tumblr)

2006 Top Song List Reviews: Last List Edition, Part 2

And this truly is the last part of the last list as far as the ones that are hosted on Billboard’s site itself. Let’s just get this overwith.

  1. Sexy Love by Ne-No
    As opposed to unsexy love? Okay then. It’s just another one of these songs I don’t listen to for reasons.
  2. U And Dat by E-40 and T-Pain and Kandi Girl
    T-Pain wants to get to this girl and her booty. And also her monkey for some reason. She just has one. And then E-40 is there wanting to do the same.
  3. Far Away by Nickelback
    And everyone was just hoping they’d stay far away from the charts. People just don’t like the band for reasons.
  4. What’s Left Of Me by Nick Lachey
    This guy sings a slow song that sounds like one of the slow songs of this era. Like a different one. Either way, not a fan.
  5. So What by Field Mob and Ciara
    This guy did things a lot, or at least said to, but this girl doesn’t care. Because it might be false. That’s the gist of things. And it’s a rap song too.
  6. Do It To It by Cherish and Sean Paul, not Sean De Paul but the Sean Paul from Youngbloodz again
    A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A ELLA ELLA A A A A A. LEAN WIT IT ROCK WIT IT LEAN WIT IT ROCK WIT IT LEAN WIT IT ROCK WIT IT. DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT TO IT. And then dance with Kryptonite. So they listen to 3 Doors Down in the club. This song has a lot of random repetition, especially in the rap part.
  7. Black Horse And The Cherry Tree by KT Tunstall
    I remember when she was around and had songs on radio and stuff. Also this song is about symbolism, not innuendos, apparently. Not a bad song though.
  8. There It Go! (The Whistle Song) by Juelz Santana
    You could just call any song the whistle song if it has whistling in it at all. This song’s about whistling I guess. And this kid gets a whistle that teleports women to him. And then the video just randomly becomes another song. Because this is 2006 and videos can never be one video, they need to be a million other videos, put the entire album in one video.
  9. Shoulder Lean by Young Dro and TI-TTY
    If I didn’t know better I’d think it’s about some lady called Shodaline. They also sound very bored in this rap. Why do rappers get bored so easily? Is 24/7 exposure to sex and women and drugs and whatever else getting old to them fast?
  10. Unpredictable by Jamie Foxx and Ludacris
    Jamie Foxx sang a lot around this time. He can sing though. There is charm to this song I suppose.
  11. My Love by Justin T.I.mberlake
    More love again, as seen in the last list I covered.
  12. Shake That by Emineminem and Nate Dogg
    Another Eminem song about butts. To shake the butt specifically for him, as well as Nate Dogg. That’s really about it. Not a whole lot to the song aside from that. Some kind of butt rap. If butt rock was rock about butts, this would be the rap version of it.
  13. Pullin’ Me Back by Chingy and Tyrese
    Here’s a song rap about love but it’s two people this time. One sings and one raps. Yep. What else would I say.
  14. Bossy by Kelis and Too Dollar Sign Hort
    Here’s what happens when you start a song by mashing Casio keys and then put some drum loop on it. Would this milkshake bring the boys to the yard, or just the boss? And of course this has diamonds on the neck and the grill. It’s all of the rap jewelry.
  15. Chain Hang Low by Jibbs
    I wonder if there’s a Kidzzzz Bop version of this song and if it’s just the original sung by more kids because this song is also kinda sung by kids. And then there’s a rap about a wearing a chain that hangs dangerously low and could possibly get caught on things so it probably violates all sorts of OSHA regulations in terms of necklaces in the workplace. Specifically 24 inches low. For all we know the OSHA guidelines are 23 inches or less and he’s just being slightly defiant.
  16. Smack That by Akon and Eminem
    Eminem must really like butts and collaborations because this is the second collaborative butt song in a row (sort of) on this part. And this one stuck around later too.
  17. One Wish by Ray J
    You can call him Ray or you can call him J but he wishes you’d shut up about it. And I kinda wish I didn’t have to go through so much of this type of R&B, I don’t hate it but when there’s a ton of it then it gets kinda old.
  18. Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down by Fall Out Boy
    We’re going DA DA IN A LOOLYGOROUND, and sugar we’re going down swinging, I’ll be ANOTHER GUN IN A BULLET, I KNOW YOU GOT COCK LET’S COCK IT AND PULL IT. If you wanted an intro to this group who might slur all of their words sometimes, here it is. This was definitely a song for a while.
  19. Gimme That by Chris Brown and Lil Wayne
    So this is a song that existed, and they somehow were on the same song, but in the sense that it’s mostly a song and then some rapper shows up sometimes. No wonder Friday blew up briefly. Yeah, no idea. Again, one wish, you know.
  20. I Know You See It by Yung Joc and Brandy ‘Ms. B’ Hambrick
    So for some reason this fake British guy is on MTV Cribzzzz the bootleg edition. And this rapper barely tries to sing. Either way it’s a long bragging rap. But can he see why kids like Cinnamon Toast Crunch? It’s the sugar. Obviously. Who wouldn’t see that. Same for like any sugary cereal. Just eat sugar itself or something.
  21. Who Says You Can’t Go Home by Bon Jovi
    Here on the opposite of MTV Cribzzzzzzzz Bon Jovi becomes a Habitat for Humanity. And there’s also some country singer out of nowhere. The song is about going home but the video is about making a house. To go to, I guess.
  22. Too Little Too Late by JoJo
    If I knew more JJBA stuff I’d just fill this section with it. Okay I know a few, like ZA WARUDO and how to end a show with Roundabout and licking cherries while going RERORERORERORERORERORERORERO. But this is some kind of song instead. Yeah, I can still only think of the other Jojo.
  23. Touch It by Busta Rhymes
    Do you like Daft Punk? Well here’s Busta Rhymes busting rhymes over like a few seconds of it on loop with some drum thing. But not exactly his maximum speed either. Or maximum crazy.
  24. Rompe by Daddy Yankee
    This song isn’t about a rump. You’re thinking of Culo, another song by someone else. This song is about breaking things. They break things in the video. And I don’t know the rest of the words because it’s some other language. Like the one about gasoline. All I got was gasoline from that one.
  25. Deja Vu by Beyonce and Jay-Z
    Beyonce names drums while Jay-Z goes UHHHHHHHH. Then Jay-Z names drums. Then Beyonce does her Beyonce thing. She’s Beyonce all right. Beyonce. I’d say it’s one of her better hits probably.
  26. Life Is A Highway by Rascal Flatts
    Yes, this is a cover, and apparently it was done for Cars. Cars is that old? They’re still pushing it like it just came out though. Well until the Finding Dory thing happened then we’ll just have fish for a while. So anyway it’s a song. I might like the original better but not sure how I feel about that one either.
  27. Call Me When You’re Sober by Evanescence
    And my mind just wants to fit WAKE ME UP throughout the chorus. Definitely the kind of music you get from Evanescence, though, no matter how you misspell it.
  28. Jesus, Take The Wheel by Carrie Underwood
    Some kind of slow country, you know, not the kind of music you’d think of when you’re screaming for Jesus to steer for you in some action-packed chase scene.
  29. Show Stopper by Danity Kane
    Apparently this Danity Kane person is multiple people. This either sounds like the show never started or it would drive the show to a grinding halt as this is pretty much just a song to strip to, probably, and if nobody strips to it, it’s just awkward.
  30. Get Up by Ciara and Chamillionaire
    Yes, that Chamillionaire. Also known by a bunch of names that Bowser from Mario goes by for some reason. And he’s still riding dirty. Apparently. Meanwhile Ciara does things like the things she does.
  31. We Be Burnin’ by Sean De Paul, not that other one from Youngbloodzzzzzz
    This is probably about weed. And smoking it. Every day. Unless it was on the radio then it was just vague club activities. Like I guess they want to smoke women and liquor instead in the non-weed version. Then there’s those neon decorated trucks like from Japan even though this is some desert somewhere.
  32. Hate Me by Blue October
    Maybe hate is a strong word but I don’t think I heard anything by these guys that I liked. So yeah. This included. It just seems too not-hardcore for how you might think these guys might sound.
  33. You And Me by Lifehouse
    More slow sappy music song things I don’t wanna listen to this.
  34. Beep by The Pussycat Beeps and Will I Beep
  35. I Think They Like Me by Dem Franchizzzze Boyzzzzzzzz and Jermaine Dupri Sun and Da Bratwurst and Moderately-Sized Bow Wow
    It’s a rap song. But it sounds like to me like they’re saying FART AND THEY LIKE ME. And then raps over himself like three times somehow. Also for some reason this references the Sprite commercials where this figure would stand around but it’s some random guy from the label or something?
  36. Say Goodbye by Chris Brown
    Chris Brown does a song by Chris Brown or whoever writes for him. That’s it.
  37. Waiting On The World To Change by John Mayer
    Stop waiting and start doing you stupid idiot, the world doesn’t change itself, it just gets worse if you don’t do things, so like in a decade from there everything will be garbage and you’ll just want to burn everything. Also this song sucks. Still.
  38. Soul Survivor by Young Jeezy and Akon
    Akon sings gangsta and Young Jeezy is there to help. That’s about it.
  39. Pump It by The Off-Color Pee Joke
    So this is pretty much a surf song where they rap over it. You can just listen to that surf song, the rap doesn’t really add much at all. Apparently it’s been in Pulp Fiction.
  40. When I’m Gone by Emineminemineminemem
    Eminem raps about his daughter. And how he goes on tour. And sometimes those don’t match up. That’s about the summary.
  41. Hung Up by Madonna
    Madonna does a song that sounds like it’s a remix of one of her songs or something. And there’s a lot of choreography in the video. Actually I don’t think this is a bad pop song, it has a beat and a tune, it fits. More melody than a lot of the new modern pop songs for sure. Doesn’t sound quite 80s but sounds 90s kinda. Well then again the 80s and 90s kinda blended into some weird conglomeration of style and stuff. Like before the Internet really got started.
  42. Stay Fly by 36 Mafia and Young Buck and 8 Ball and MJG
    I don’t know why it was trying to give me the chopped and screwed version, to change that back to the normal version I’d have to speed it up as much as nightcore is sped up and then remove the stuttering, or just go search for it on the Internet. But he has to stay fly-y-y-y-y-y-y--y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-a-a-a-a-aa-aaaa-a-a-a-a-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa until he daaa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aa-a-aaaaaaaaa-a-a-a-a-a-a-aa-aa-a. And the beat is repetitive from some other song.
  43. Love by Keyshia Cole
    A song about love. And how good it can be. She sings all right. It’s one of those soul type songs. You put the record on the old Victrola or whatever reads records and make love for as long as the song goes.
  44. When You’re Mad by Ne to the Yo
    It’s this guy again. Gonna sing about a lady. A song about a lady. And trying to make it seem like he’s not cheating whether or not he is or something. And is turned on by when she’s angry somehow. Angry sex. On mobile phones. You have a fling with the slingshot and get catapulted into sex. I guess. Then it becomes a movie for some reason and it’s just porn.
  45. Why You Wanna by TI-Calculators Are Expensive
    This is that rap song about why do you want to do things. Like why did you copy this song from the 90s or something that I recognize from that one episode of King of the Hill where all the fat kids are on the runway modeling clothes and these guys throw donuts at them. Apparently Gypsy Woman by Crystal Waters. La da di la di da.
  46. Stupid Girls by Pink
    A song about how back in this period there was a big influx of supposed female role models that focused on like strict media-mandated sex appeal and how that might not be enough ambition for things. Would a 50 Cent video dancer be a better potential candidate for presidency? I have no damn idea. You’d have to get to know them first. That’s the important thing, you gotta do more than stare. And, no, that doesn’t mean get grabby.
  47. Feel Good Inc. by Gorillaz
    A song I can feel good about. I like the Gorillaz and how they’re supposed to be mysterious cartoon character concept artists but everyone just knows who they are anyway. Also I like their music. It’s inventive sorts of rap hybrid jams.
  48. I’m Sprung by T-Pain-Ow-Ow-Ow-It-Hurts
    Did Akon “the Don” just call T-Pain “Pizzle”? Maybe. But if you want autotune, here it is.
  49. Do I Make You Proud by Taylor Hicks
    This guy was on American Idol once. I just know Weird Al’s version better, along the lines of Do I Creep You Out. That’s about it for me.
  50. For You I Will (Confidence) by Teddy Geiger
    I don’t remember this song. I just checked it and I can believe why. White dude acoustic guitar song. Yeah. Not my jam. I don’t even know how you jam to this. Unless some college dude has a girl on his chest or something. Like, fused to it. Like in Total Recall or something.
Well, that’s it for all Billboard has to offer on their lists, now I’d have to search elsewhere for ones older than 2006, which is apparently too old. As for what I’m gonna do next, I don’t know, I have ideas, but we’ll see what I feel like doing.

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