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September 24, 2016 (Originally posted on Blogger)

1996 Year End Song List Recap: Music In The Clinton Years (1/2)

I could just make Bill Clinton one-liners throughout this entire thing but they don’t work as well without the voice. Here’s the list on a website where you can change the list and make it completely wrong.

  1. Macarena (Bayside Boys Mix) by Los del Rio
    See, music wasn’t just dumb and annoying recently, stuff like this would hit the charts and dominate. I mean, still, better than some of today’s crap. And about as decipherable as today’s crap can be. Like, does anyone else know lyrics besides sdflkjsdkgjsdkgjehiosfgisopfjodf HEY MACARENA.
  2. One Sweet Day by Mariah Carey and Boyzzzz 2 Men 2 Furious
    Wow this is hella sappy. This is sounding like I should donate money to someone with all the people singing. And the video, the only thing it’s missing is like video of things on fire and starving people or something. One of these days they’ll remake this song into some charity single, when they’re out of uses for that one they use all the time.
  3. Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion
    Are all of these songs just gonna be like sappy romance things where the people rotate slowly in a circle? Like, why don’t they spin faster? It’s more fun that way. You could like accidentally throw someone into the speaker stack. Now that’s a dance.
  4. Nobody Knows by the Tony Rich Project
    So I gotta admit, when I was alive during this period, I listened more to oldies stations than anything, like 50s and 60s usually. And from the sound of things, I’m glad I did. What is with all this sappy crap? Titanic came out the year after, so I have no idea why the hell it’s all over this list.
  5. Always Be My Baby by Mariah Carey
    Okay still kinda sappy but at least better than the other stuff’s been. Like come on, romance shouldn’t just all be like depressing and making me want to sleep forever.
  6. Give Me One Reason by Tracy Chapman
    Is this blues? I don’t know. Kinda sounds like blues style stuff. This song’s okay by me.
  7. Tha Crossroads by Bone Thugs and the Harmony
    This is a lot of singing. Even at the start there’s like other people singing some other song. It’s a song about how all the rappers and friends all died. Pretty much.
  8. I Love You Always Forever For Reals No Take Backs by Donna Lewis
    This song kinda annoyed me. It’s too 90s in the sense where it’s not like overblown and garish but just... yeah.
  9. You’re Makin’ Me High, but also Let It Flow by Toni Braxton
    Okay so sometimes on this list there’s two songs in one location? Is this because people couldn’t download songs so they would only be sold in singles with two songs so they just counted both? Okay, so the first song. It’s all kinds of groovy. The second song. It’s kinda sappy. I don’t really remember hearing either of these before.
  10. Twisted by Keith Sweaty
    Yeah, pretty sappy still. Also for some reason ninjas attack in the video. I don’t get it.
  11. Come On And Ride It (The Train, That Is) by Quad City DJs
    COME ON AND SLAM AND WELCOME TO THE TRAIN. The singer in this sounds like the most excited bored person to ride this train that’s also somehow a spaceship in the video. Because it’s the 90s. That’s some choo-choo train. With like protonic hyperdrive thrusters or something weird. Inside like some city. Like wouldn’t firing such spaceship thrusters kinda explode the whole city? Whatever, it’s the 90s I guess.
  12. Missing by Everything But The Girl
    Apparently the girl is missing according to their band name, but there’s a girl singing? The original needs more cowbell. Some remix of this got high on the charts and you’ve probably heard it if you had radio in the 90s. Unless it was always tuned to the oldies like mine in which case in like the early-ish 2000s.
  13. Ironic by Alanis Morissette
    The ironic thing about this song is maybe how any of the situations in the song are questionable in terms of whether they actually fit the meaning of irony. If that scenario even counts as ironic. Some more so than others I guess.
  14. Exhale (Shoop Shoop) (Firing Laser) (Ancient Memes Version) by Whitney Houston
    This song’s pretty sappy. Or should I say shoopy? No, sappy, that one’s right.
  15. Follow You Down, and also ‘Til I Hear It From You by Gin Blossoms
    I consider this 90s parental rock because it seemed like the adults dug it but I didn’t. This goes in the case for both songs.
  16. Sittin’ Up In My Room by Brandy
    Yep this is a 90s song. I don’t know what else to say.
  17. How Do U Want It by 2Pac and K-Ci and JoJo, but there’s also California Love also by 2Pac but this time with Dr. Dre
    So when you had 2Pac back when hip hop was at a great time, yeah. See, it’s a rap song, but back then, rap songs would mean things more often than not. I don’t remember the first song as much, but I know for sure I’ve heard California Love. I like that one. That one has a video where Oakland became Mad Max somehow.
  18. It’s All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion
    This is practically a weird version of Total Eclipse of the Heart. Like, just the music and the video, but doesn’t go to such EXTREME levels as Total Eclipse. Like, if you’re gonna go all out, GO ALL OUT.
  19. Change The World by Eric Clapton
    See, John Mayer, you can’t just wait around forever and wait for the world to change, you have to actually do something. Though this is more of a love song than a whining about stuff song. This guy’s way better.
  20. Hey Lover by LL Cool J
    Yeah, this rapper guy found a lady to romance. Pretty much. But it’s LL Cool J. His name has Cool in it, so therefore it’s automatically cool or something.
  21. Loungin by also LL Cool J
    Yeah, this rapper guy found a lady to lounge with. Pretty much. But it’s LL Cool J. His name has Cool in it, so therefore it’s automatically cool or something. Again.
  22. Insensitive by Jann Arden
    Some guy was a jerk or something. Long story short.
  23. Be My Lover by La Bouche
    This is such a 90s song. Lyrics that are kinda just humming, some heavy synth techno beat, and also someone singing that isn’t just sampled. And random rap break. Also the artist name here reminds me of this store that existed but doesn’t now because Macy’s ate it or something.
  24. Name by Goo Goo Dolls
    Another parental 90s song. Yeah, not my dig but if you come from the 80s or before you might. Maybe. I don’t know.
  25. Who Will Save Your Soul by Jewel
    I remember hearing this song. And something about stuff. Yeah. Okay then. See I’m not the best commentator, it’s a song that’s okay but not like standing out a lot? I guess?
  26. Where Do You Go by No Mercy
    In the 90s every song had to just be some kind of dance song. Some guy asks where to go while some Spanish kinda guitar thing happens I guess. I’m really not sure.
  27. I Can’t Sleep Baby (If I (Don’t Pee First)) by R. Kelly
    Something about a breakup maybe. But at the end of the video he’s just running from this house like it’s going to explode and gets in a helicopter. What.
  28. Counting Blue Cars by Dishwalla
    I’ve heard this song before but didn’t know anything about who or what. It’s a rock song from the 90s, generally speaking. I never had much an opinion for it.
  29. You Learn but also You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette
    I know both of these songs. They’re both kinda about learning and knowing. Weirdly enough. Maybe why they were taped together on the chart. In the second one, you probably know how she makes this noise in the chorus. Just put that part on repeat and it’s a car alarm I guess. But overall she’s fierce. Like fiercer than Sasha Fierce or something.
  30. One Of Us by Joan Osborne
    That one slow song about how what if God was just some dude or whatever. Pretty much. You probably heard it somewhere before. Maybe on a TV show or movie because stuff.
  31. Wonder by Natalie Merchant
    I heard this song before but didn’t really pay attention. Kinda just there. I guess.
  32. Not Gon’ Cry by Mar’ J. Bli’
    I wonder if the song was just made so it’d all just be three letter words. But aside from that pretty slow and sappy.
  33. Gangsta’s Paradise by Coolio and L.V.
    So this paradise is about where it’s not really a paradise and there’s like a lot of shooting people and gang stuff and kinda just being stuck in some loop of things. With those conditions I’d much rather take the Amish Paradise provided by Weird Al.
  34. Only You by 112 and Notorious BIG and Mase
    See back in the day when you had more rappers with flow and message. Is this a Thugs Need Love song? Or some lovemaking song? I don’t know but it works for how it goes.
  35. Down Low (Nobody Has To Know (Where Pee Comes From)) by R. Kelly and The Isley Brothers
    A slow jam to take a long relaxing piss to. And I mean long. Why is the video so long. Long.
  36. You’re The One by SWV
    This band name sounds like a car. They’re also trapped in a video game and people are trying to play it like people play video games on TV shows in the 90s. But it’s a song to jam to all right.
  37. Sweet Dreams by La Bouche
    Another 90s super hot club jam. I remember when EDM as it’s called now was more danceable instead of I’m just going to stand here and pretend I’m excited.
  38. Before You Walk Out Of My Life and also Like This And Like That by Monica
    Another 90s slow jam with singing for the first one. And kinda the second one but that’s a bit funkier. And she sings into a fan without her voice going all weird. How does she do that? How does she do it when she wants her voice to be weird?
  39. Breakfast At Tiffany’s by Deep Blue Something
    Some people meet and they’re like okay what do we have in common I guess there’s this old movie. It’s not really about the movie. But the movie is apparently deemed worth preserving for posterity in the Library of Congress.
  40. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 (Sumpin’ New) by Coolio
    Here’s a hot club hip hop jam from none other than Coolio. Yeah. This can be gotten with. Definitely something to dance to.
  41. The World I Know by Collective Soul
    I confuse this with the Goo Goo Doll’s Iris, that one song that goes “just want you to know who I am”, because it’s that kinda sappy wussy kinda rock-like but not really rocking song, at least that other song though had a part where they kinda jammed slightly. Not this one, it’s just all whiny I guess.
  42. No Diggity by Blackstreet and Dr. Dre
    Before there was Backstreet Boys, there was Blackstreet. Also Dr. Dre. Now this is a truly bumping track. They like the way this woman works it, so they want to bag it up. Grocery bag.
  43. Anything by 3T
    Not to be confused by the company that makes tape, 3T is... a band I guess. This is sure a weird version of a Meatloaf song, but they’re leaving out the part where they wouldn’t do something either. Actually I don’t think this is related at all. They might try to do too much.
  44. 1979 by Smashing Pumpkins, Smiling Politely
    I like some Smashing Pumpkins but I don’t like this one. It’s too slow and whiny and stuff. They’re better when they rock out more.
  45. Diggin’ On You by TLC
    So apparently TLC went to Vegas which was orange for some reason on a helicopter, then they teleported down to the stage while it exploded. And this really overblown intro is followed by some slow jam that kinda sounds like I heard it at a dentist without the lyrics.
  46. Why I Love You So Much, but also Ain’t Nobody by Monica
    Well glancing at the list it looks like this is the last entry on here that’s two songs for some reason, I don’t know why they keep doing that. Anyway here’s Monica again. She sings in slow jamzzzzzz like the first song. And in jams that are slow like the second song, but also a rapper. Welcome to the 90s I guess.
  47. Kissin’ You by Total
    And the slow jams keep coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming. Yeah.
  48. Count On Me by Whitney Houston and CeCe Winans
    And they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and now I realize why I would listen to oldies most of the time as a kid.
  49. Fantasy by Mariah Carey
    I wonder how similar this is to that one where she threatens to hunt you down after a secret rendevous. Well that song starts with a nerd and not a scary clown like this one. Also this is more of a party song than a get inside the bed song. Also I’m pretty sure the backing instrumental used in this was used in a lot of other songs, like rap and more. Yes it was. Straight up ripped from this song called Genius of Love.
  50. Time for Hootie and the Blowfish
    Wait, it’s a song called Time by Hooting Blowfishes or something. I never really understood this band or this song. It’s just slow and they sound tired. Maybe they were just talking about being old. I don’t really know.
Okay, that’s half the list and holy crap there are a lot of slow sappy songs on here. What happened. Anyway I still have another half of this list to go through provided I don’t fall asleep too badly from the slow stuff.

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