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September 24, 2016 (Originally posted on Blogger)

1996 Year End Song List Recap: Slow Jams In The Whatever Years (2/2)

Okay, let’s just get this year done so we can keep going back to the past to listen to music that might suck or not. And here’s the list I guess.

  1. You'll See by Madonna
    Oh, you'll see. YOU'LL SEE! Well here's Madonna. She does stuff. Sometimes it's movies but most are gonna prefer the music if they even like that. And go figure this is a slow and sappy song about her not needing someone I guess. What the heck is with this year and sappy stuff. Titanic didn't come out until the next year.
  2. Last Night by Az Yet
    Boy bands and blue screens. Also lyrics include "last night/I was inside of you/.../while making love to you". Well no duh there. That's kinda how sex works. Was this scandalous back then? Before someone was ripping off clothes to find boobs on TV?
  3. Mouth by Merril Bainbridge
    Wow something that's not all lovey dovey-- Oh, wait, this is about making out, but at least it doesn't sound all slow and stuff. In fact it kinda sounds like someone jamming on one of those toy piano things. And the video keeps showing some guy with special effects maybe doing beatboxing.
  4. The Earth, The Sun, The Rain, The Snow, The Sleet, The Hail, The Mail, The Femail, The Femur, The Hemur, The He-Man by Color Me Badddddddddd
  5. All The Things (Your Man Won't Do) by some guy named Joe I guess
    Well this is better than the last one but not by much. It kinda sounds like having sex in a dentist waiting room. Or optomometrician's place or something. You know, doctor music.
  6. Wonderwall by Oasis
    Well here's ANOTHER slow song, but... turns out this one's not bad. It also kinda rocks. See, slow songs don't have to be all sappy and gross and stuff. They can be... not that.
  7. Woo Hah!!!!!!! Got You All In Check by Busta Rhymes
    Here we go again with the classic hip hop, finally things picking up a bit. Busta Rhymes busts all the rhymes. Classic crazy stuff with the practically signature fisheye lens.
  8. Tell Me by Groove Theory
  9. Elevators (Me & You) by Outkast
    Did you know Outkast existed before Hey Ya? They were so fresh and so clean before that as well. All right all right all right. Classic hip hop jams once again.
  10. Hook by Blues Traveler
    In this episode of Groove Theory, Blues Traveler examines how pop music works. But for this song it's not just the hook that gets you, it's that squeaky harmonica break they put into all their songs and stuff. Because that's what they do. Not bad, but of course, pop song chords, something something music.
  11. Doin' It by LL Cool J
    Doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well. I represent Taco Bell Dorito Shell. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Who doesn't know this song aside to just repeat "DOIN' IT WELL" a lot at least.
  12. Fastlove by Georgemichael
    Well at least it's not a slow song, but it's not exactly fast either. Also what's up with Life In The Fast Lane? That song's pretty slow but it's about fast stuff. Someone should make a song that's called some kinda slow thing and it's just extremely fast and they're singing and rapping really fast and all that stuff.
  13. Touch Me, Tease Me, Grab Me, Fondle Me by Case and Foxy Brown
    This also apparently has Mary J. Blige. And this song is apparently about the Nutty Professor. Not the classic one from like the 50s or something, the one with a lot of fart jokes. Yeah, that's what you wanna think of when you wanna get your sex on. Unless you're into the whole fart thing because this is the Internet. And I think the Ying Yang Twins rapped about that before at some point. Of course the thing was like he'd have the other form where he was the suave guy I guess. This is weird. The 90s were weird.
  14. Tonite's Tha Night by Kris Kross
    Not the best-spelled title, here's some rappers. I think they're trying to sound like Snoop Dogg. It's kinda like if Snoop Dogg split off into like a bunch of smaller and less smooth clones. And they probably smoke some kind of micro weed or something.
  15. Children by Robert Miles
    Here's some kinda EDM track. But it's the 90s so it's okay instead of being dull and noisy and undanceable. You know, back when tracks had actual buildups and stuff instead of the opposite of drops which was at its extreme with dubstep and followed by its immediate opposite soon after.
  16. Theme From Mission: Impossible by Mission and the Impossibles starring Adam Clayton and Larry Mullen
    Hey it's that song. DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA THIS LETTER WILL BLOW UP IN TWO SECONDS. And then the guy's still reading the letter so it blows up his face and stuff. But it's the 90s so of course it's the hot remix edition with sick beats and hardcore rave and dubstep drops except that was later but still.
  17. Closer To Free by BoDeans
    I may have heard this song somewhere once but I don't know the band. It sounds like that 90s adult contemporary rock thing.
  18. Just A Girl (But Still In A Band For Now) by No Doubt
    Before being a singer in some kind of solo career, she was a singer in a band. And I kinda like that band. It rocks and stuff.
  19. If Your Girl Only Knew by Aaliyah
    She was a singer all right. Definitely has that 90s vibe and all that. I'm not sure what else to say. It's the kinda music around these times.
  20. Lady by D'Angelo
    So many slow jams. At least this one has a bit more jam in it.
  21. Key West Intermezzo (I Saw You First) (No You Didn't) (Yes I Did) by John Mellencamp
    There's also a lot of that adult contemporary type stuff. Was it for people who were adults in the 90s or who are adults now but grew up in the 90s?
  22. Pony by Ginuwine
    Also known as that song where the guy is burping a lot and sometimes there's a police siren. But if you can hear the lyrics over that weirdness, he's referring to his penis as a "pony". Okay, I get the whole horse reference but if you're trying to impress a lady don't you wanna use a bigger horse in your analogy? I mean, sometimes it might not be the size, it's what you do with it, but you don't wanna give yourself a little more credit?
  23. Nobody by Keith Sweaty and Athena Cage
  24. Old Man and Me (When I Get To Heaven) by Hootie McBlowfish
    A song that's about maybe some war or something. It wasn't Vietnam by then. Or maybe just a song to not do that and look at the sun or something. But good luck hearing a lot of the lyrics with these guys. I had to look over things and it's just that adult contemporary jam.
  25. If It Makes You Happy by Sheryl Crow
    A song about feelings. Something about trying to have someone be happy but asking why they're being sad about it.
  26. As I Lay Me Down by Sophie B. Hawkins
    As I lay me DOO DA DA DA BA BA BLAH BLAH SKDFKLSDLKJFKLJDF. Trying to sing over yourself back then had mixed results.
  27. Keep On, Keepin' On by MC Lyte and Xscape
    This was a catch phrase at some point in time, if it was this time period or some older one, I don't know. This was also on the soundtrack of some movie I never heard of. It's some kinda rap thing I guess.
  28. Jealousy by Natalie Merchant
    This lady sings about jealousy and stuff in a kinder tone than Alanis Morissette would. Still a bit fierce with content though.
  29. I Want To Come Over by Melissa Etheridge
    After she wanted you to come to her window, she now wants to come over to your place or something. I don't remember this one as much as the window song though. If I've heard it before.
  30. Who Do U Love by Deborah Cox
    An aggressively not as slow jam about some guy who left a lady. It's very 90s in production and has a backing track that if not for the singer, might be a dance jam in a dentist office.
  31.  Un-Break My Heart by Toni Braxton
  32. This Is Your Night by Amber
    Now we're back to the sweet 90s rave party or something. I like when EDM is danceable and less like some fan you have on when you sleep so you can ignore more noise.
  33. You Remind Me of Something by R. Kelly
    A toilet. There I made the pee joke. This song also reminds me of a toilet.
  34. Runaway by Janet Jackson
    My run-run-run-run-runaway. TRUMPET/KEYBOARD/WHATEVER SOLO DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT Okay so it's not that one. This song sounds kinda foreign but with a singer in English. Just more putting random foreign instruments in there.
  35. Set U Free by Planet Soul
    The 90s were probably great for both rave parties and wanting to go to sleep. This is the former. Though it's a bit more of a dull EDM track for the era.
  36. Hit Me Off by New Edition
    Here's a group that was new back then. One of the boy band type or something like that. With groove and all that theory stuff.
  37. No One Else by Total
    The backing track for this is loud and horny. It's hard to hear the singers because of that. That's pretty 90s if you ask me.
  38. My Boo by Ghost Town DJs
    So this one became popular again recently because of Vine memes. Vines are so weird. They'll have to split movies into a billion 5 second parts because of Vines. It's some track I guess.
  39. Get Money by Junior M.A.F.I.A. and Notorious B.I.G.
    That classic rap with flow and everything. I miss when rappers actually rapped more. Instead of drowning robots every day and then not even saying anything right, just rap without saying anything I guess.
  40. That Girl by Maxi Priest and Shaggy
    This samples that one song with the beat and things. Apparently called Green Onions. And some singing guy is there but I recognize Shaggy with his voice that sounds like some alien rapper trying to imitate another alien, it's hard to put that in words but it's fun to imitate.
  41. Po Pimp by Do or Die and Twista
    Twista is this guy who can rap really fast and it still sounds like words. He later was on a song called Slow Jamz where he was the fastest one there. Go figure this one's also a bit of a slower one, or maybe it's like some kind of time dilation thing where he raps so fast the rest of the songs just seem much slower than they are. As far as Do or Die, apparently there's some guy named NARD.
  42. Until It Sleeps by Metallica
    Metallica is this band you've probably heard of. In this year of slow jams, it's nice to have something that rocks and stuff. Even if there's some mellow parts.
  43. Hay by Crucial Conflict
    Hay is for horses. And apparently this group of rappers, who apparently smoke it. Getting all up in this hoedown and getting all down on a hoe or something. This is a strange song all right. Old school hip hop was pretty great.
  44. Beautiful Life by Ace of Base
    This group sure sounds like they wanna have a party when they're not talking about some girl who wants all the babies or not turning around.
  45. Back for Good by TAKE THAT! OBJECTION! HOLD IT!
    More slow sappy stuff. The beginning sounds like it came from Free Falling. Otherwise no.
  46. I Got Id by Pearl Jam
    It's not a fake ID, it's some kinda psychological concept or something. We've had slow jams, and now here's Pearl Jam. It does jam.
  47. Soon As I Get Home by Faith Evans
    And now here's even more slow jams! Because this is just that year.
  48. Macarena by Los Del Rio
    SLDKJGLKFSDJGLJLESGJSRKLGLSKGLKJSDFJKL HEY MACARONI. Oh, wait, this was already on here. But first it was some remix. Now this is apparently some original or something somehow. Then at some point some guy made a weird version where he screams FUCK MACARENA and then it turns into some hardcore rave. What the hell is the 90s.
  49. Only Wanna Be With You by The Hooting Fishblow
    Adult contemporary dudes who do songs, this is the one you've probably heard. You'd think a band about some guy named Hootie and some fish would be more crazy but it's a bit mellow for that.
  50. Don't Cry by Seal
    A rose kiss this is not. So it sounds less like a medieval jam but still a groove of sorts. Is there a groove theory on how Seal came from the ancient times to sing ancient songs with state of the art instruments and lyrics and stuff?
Okay, that's it. Finished all those slow jams. Now we can step even further back. It's gonna get weirder. And it's gonna get older.

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