2016 Year End Song List Recrap (Part 1 of 2)
Well, provided we don't get nuclearly obliterated within the month, we'll have generally survived the year. Just be done already. Some nice things did happen after all but yeah, it has been so back and forth. Anyway here's a crappy new formatted list that will probably lag your computer if you click it and it also probably autoplays video so maybe click on this list instead which is on Wikipedia, just filled with ads about their PBS pledge drive or whatever the hell it is.
- Love Yourself by Some Guy
More like fuck yourself. No really love is a needed thing right now, in the face of likely demonic overlords coming along next year through some kinda rituals, though if you want to side with them instead of any other option by all means, but I'm just not a fan of this song. Also there were too many memes and they were generally the worst memes. Except like the one about getting in the bag and anything that came from New Leaf as well because they're cute. It's weird how Metal Gear Rising Revengeance predicted this year from the necessity of purging bad memes to something about grating America. Anyway I don't really hate this guy, just don't find any of his songs interesting from any time period. From BABY BABY BABY OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH to generic.
- Sorry by The Same Exact Guy
Like that one whiny ass song said, it's too late to apologize. Eh eh eh. How Canadian. But not quite pronounced like you'd expect for a Canadian. I don't know, probably not a bad idea to have silly jokes regarding Canadians in case I have to run like hell over there while being on fire or something.
- One Dance by Drake and WizKids and Kyla
Here's Drake because he sits on a building I guess. He sings or raps or sing raps. He's everywhere, like Thomas. I'm bored, move on, next question.
- Work by Rihanna Montana and Drake and the 99 Problems
What a surprise, it's Drake again. And Rihanna not talking fluently so she's going WURWURWURWURWUR DURDURDURDURDUR and the video is just the song played twice but I think the second time she's trying to have sex with Drake through his clothes or something.
- Stressed Out by 21 Pilots
Oh look we found something that's not totally dumb. I like this song, I'm just the right generation to understand it as it happened and yeah. I had to go make money. Thankfully I've had some luck with that finally, file under good things from this year. I hope to keep it that way. Anyway this song has wordplay and all that stuff and a nice tune to it. I like when music more resembles music. I went and got this album when it was like a buck online, worth it and then some. I like Lane Boy also.
- Paanda by Desiigner
There are no pandas in this video and there are no Fairly Odd Parents in the video for Tiimmy Turner. Otherwise this looks like rap I guess. Rap harder and put more things in the video.
- Hello by Adele
She's outside. Saying hi. I think this was on the last thing. It's all right, despite my lack of enthusiasm for slower stuff, it's not bad.
- Don't Let Me Down by The Heavy Smokers and Daya
This song kinda lets me down, it's that kind of EDM that I don't go for. Not the worst of it but still.
- CAN'T STOP THE FEELING!!! by Justin Timberlimber
This song's not bad. It's from this movie about putting on the trollface though. Or the coolface depending on which way it's facing, I think. There's some classic memery. But not so classic it's a dancing baby.
- Closer by The Chain Drinkers and Halitosey
Here's more EDM that I can't get into, but more so I can't get into.
- Cheap Thrill$$$ by $ia and $ean De Paul
For some reason they're showing the version with Sean Paul. I like the version without better because the song works without some guy going dubudbdubdubudbudbudbudubudbd DUTTY BUTTY FARTY NARTY SHARTY. It's not a bad song that way. The Sean Paul additions make it awkward. He's just the right temperature Freschetta you from the storm. UH OH.
- 7 Years by LUKAS GRAAAAAAAHAM
One time he was a baby and then he was an adult and then he'll be old. He doesn't want fame but then some guy just yells his name. Whatever then. Move on, next question.
- Needed Me by Rihanna Bananna
Nah, not a fan of this. No catchy annoying hooks like ELLA ELLA ELLA A A A A A A or ASS ASS ASS AND AM AM AM. By the way I hope everyone's enjoying Pokémon S&M.
- My House by Florida House
I almost skipped over this one because I'm tired and it's pretty inessential in pop music. Welcome to his house. It's not your house. Go home. Not to my house either.
- I Took Some Drugs In Mexico Or Wherever by Mike Posner
Apparently the last time we heard of this guy was many years ago about some song I forgot what it was called but I came across that on one of the throwback throwup lists and it was about someone who was acting cooler than they were. Cooler Than Me, that was it, a song that sounds like a bragging song but is more like a counter-brag. Now he has a giant scary screaming head and some guy named Seeb or whoever remixed this song so it wasn't as whiny-guitar-sounding and this was on the charts a lot. It's about him wanting to go somewhere in life, I guess. Being more successful than the guy who had a hit years back and nothing much since.
- Work From Home by Fifth Harmony and Ty $
Well you can work from home or you can twerk to work. And back home. Ass-powered transportation. Runs on farts and booty bass. Which is also farts. At least sounding like it. Anyway it's pop, it's poop, whatever.
- This Is What You Came For by Calvin and Harris and Rihanna Yo Mama
No it's not. This is the kind of music I leave from. EDM with stuff that's not much dancing. I'd rather crank up hardcore rave. I'll go for that.
- Cake By The Ocean by Do The DNCE 1-2-3-5
Here's a song I like unapologetically and unabashedly. It's fun, it's a party jam, it's generally about sex probably or really moist cake. At least the video is about cake, somewhat. But probably about sex. Moist sex. Ew. Somehow that sounds worse than standard sex, but you kinda do need some moisture after all. AWW SKEET SKEET MOTHERFUCKER
- Me Myself & I by G-Eazy and Bebe Rexha
It's a guy rapping and some lady singing the hook, I've seen this format before. It's not too bad, at least more energetic than you'd see from a lot of rap. BABABABABADABADBADBABDABDABSDBSDFGKLJDjsdlkfjsdfjsdkljfksdjflkjdsfj
- Ride by 22 Pilots
Another song by these guys, I'm all right with this one though I'm not sure if I'd place it high among their songs.
- Heathens by 23 Pilots
Take it slow. And don't confuse this with any other Suicide Squad songs. Like that one about cars even though there wasn't really a purple Lamborghini in it, but there was the Joker and some really fat guy in a mask, or whatever the rest of the songs were, I looked over that album earlier. I think there was a weird cover of Bohemian Rhapsody? Anyway, not bad, again, not sure where I'd rank it. It sure gets played a lot though.
- Pillowtalk by Zany
It's this guy who split off from One Direction in his own direction but not really. It's kinda about sex maybe. But not great. Also I actually called him "Zany" as a typo but I'm keeping it, it works. If only he were zanier.
- Stitches by Shawn Mawndes
Fucking all your bitches, snitches getting stitches. If only that was the song instead of whining about not having love. Make it hella gangsta.
- Hotline Miami by Drake but in a chicken mask
I know when something blings it's covered in diamonds. So he covered his phone in diamonds and is thinking this girl's not loyal when he's the one who left or she's just doing normal things. It's weird. I swear this was on last year's but then again Drake's just around forever.
- Cold Water by Major Lazer and This Guy Again Really and Moe Syzslak
Dump some cold water on those titties. Then rub them. Rub titties. I liked when Major Lazer did crazier stuff. Like Pon De Floor with the dry humping and Pon Pon Pon De Floor with that Japanese singer and that Bubble Butt song about deviantART ass inflation and floating girl heads that had like 5 heads on them. I'm not sure what the appeal of this Canadian guy who was a kid once is aside from selling records to some kinda girls?
- Send My Love (To Your New Lover (And Not You (Or Me (Or The Mailman (Or Mailwoman))))) by Adelelelele
In this video she's a singing ghost clone layered on top of herself. Send my love TO YOUR NEW LEHELEEEEEHHH. TREAT HER BEDDADANYCAN. Almost like she wants to get into yodeling.
- Roses by The Chain Roses and Roses but not Outkast
Roses really smell like poop. More pretty average EDM that thinks the D means dull. Someone just do like a hardcore dubstep remix of Outkast's version.
- Treat You Beddadanycan by Shen Menden
BEDDADANYCAN. He wants to treat a girl like not a jerk. So what. Other people do it too but they don't make dumb songs about it. Adele did a better one that's barely related to this a couple songs back.
- Too Good by Drakehanna
More like... not good. It's like they're fusing. Like one of those celebrity couples that lasts like a month but sometimes longer.
- Low Life by Future and the Weekends
It's the guy who sounds like Autotune ran through Autotune and another guy with weird hair. Meh. Even if Future is practically the future of rap/R&B/some other thing at this rate, I'd wanna go back to the past, to listen to songs that aren't so shitty but still sometimes suck ass.
- What Do You Mean by I Mean Get Out Of Here
Yes you can go now, please. I mean would you rather have an annoying pop singer who gets in a lot of trouble or a tamed generic sort? Honestly I'd prefer they didn't get in a lot of trouble anyway but you know, if a song's annoyingly funny in a way then at least there's that.
- The Hills by Weekend, The
The promo single for the Hills Have Eyes movie that didn't exist is still dumb.
- Just Like Fire by PINK!
She's like fire. Like a girl on fire. And that's a horse ranch. Apparently this was in the sequel to the remake of that one Alice in Wonderland movie that was all weird because Tim Burton was involved somehow, and by proxy, Johnny Depp. I forgot both of those existed.
- Broccoli by DRAM and Lil Boaty
This video has broccoli in it at least. Before becoming about butts. And the guest rapper is generic. DRAM has some silly and fairly genuine things to say though, more of this guy and less of generic rap please. Weird how the better acts have to tie into the more general types to get airplay. And how the guest is leading the single. And has some dumb lyrics.
- Don't by Bryson Tiller
Okay I won't. But this guy goes to Hotline Bling Miami and then it's a rap song. I guess.
- Dangerous Woman by Ariana Rio Grande
She's singing. And it shows her butt too. If a butt is partial nudity and boobs are full nudity, how much nudity is one boob? Is that also partial? Either way she's clothed. And singing.
- Jumpman by Drake and the Futures
Jumpman jumpman jumpman German German German. It's about... I don't know, rap I guess. Don't think this really involves Michael Jordan. He's involved more with Hanes I think.
- I H8 U I <3 U by Gnash and Olivia O'Brien
A weird slow song for some reason and some guy who sounds like white Future without Autotune up the ass. Like he could probably rap. I guess.
- Here by Alessia Cara
She'll just be there while you're at some party with infinite drugs. I like this song. Also it has random quotes in it and kinda sounds like some rap song that keeps advertising its producers but it's not.
- Same Old Love by Selena Gomez
She's sick of the same old love and I'm sick of dumb pop songs. This one's... average? Not great average though.
- Controlla by Drakea
I'm going to take the controller from Drake. He's played too much Melee.
- Like I'm Gonna Lose You by Trainer Megan sent out John Legend!
Yeah, like I still would care about this song.
- One Call Away by Charlie Pooth
This song feels dumb to me. The Chingy song of the same name is... less dumb?
- Let It Go by James "Not Michael" Bay
From the hit movie Frozen, it's not this song. I don't remember hearing this one or if I did I switched the station.
- NO by NO
NO GO AWAY
- Never Forget You by Zara Larsson and MNEK
I don't remember hearing this one though. Seems somewhat indie though.
- Let Me Love You by DJ Snake and WHY IS THIS JUST OLD TIMES BUT HE'S NOT A SMALL BABY NOW
Really, if anything, he's even more generic now. DJ Snake sings through his keyboard.
- Don't Mind by Kent Jones
I guess I don't mind, not a lot of strong feelings. Except the feeling to just punch a Casio a lot to make rap beats.
- H.O.L.Y.S.H.I.T.B.A.L.L.T.I.T.F.U.C.K.A.S.S. by Florida Georgia Bush
Why is it that when country gets somewhat high on the list it tends to not really be that much country? I expect to see a lot more actual country hit the list if all the liberals leave the country and we'll have hits like Fucking My Tractor In Her Vagina Because That's Not Gay. Okay not really. But really if you wanna put country on the list make it good and not bad.
- We Don't Talk Anymore by Charlie Pooooooth and Selena Gomez
They don't. I don't see much reason why they should either. This song's kinda boring.
All right, that's one half of this dumb list done, the next is next of course.