1986 Year End List Review Thing: 80s Songs Or Something (2/2)
All right, finishing up this list then.
- Two Of Hearts by Stacey Q Of Hearts
I JUST WANT YOU TO FART ON MY YOUNG. I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I NEED YOU. Really though, that bass synth. TWO. OF. HEARTS. BIRTH. DAY. HEARTS. So anyway, the 80s. This samples herself more than Kanye West probably would himself.
- Crush On You by The Jets
Is this the flash dance? This was probably in a lot of movies about saving the rec center from becoming some kind of evil mall because you know teens never hang out in malls.
- If You Leave by Orchestra Maneoaueverores In The Dark
Now this was definitely in a bunch of 80s romance films, probably. Some ballad about some lady not leaving. You want cheese, this is a sandwich.
- Invisible Touch by Sega Genesis
It's Phil Collins. But with a band. And not Tarzan. She seems to have an invisible top SHELF. She needs to have an invisible tough SHIT. SYNTH BREAKDOWN SOLO. JAM THAT CASIO.
- The Sweetest Taboo by Sade
I don't remember hearing this one before, but it's a slow jam for getting nice and slow and down together for getting down and dirty maybe.
- What You Need by In Excess
INXS sounds like some hardcore rock metal punk thing, but there's a lot of saxophone here for that. This is WAT you need. According to the song. A pretty iconic 80s song.
- Talk To Me by Stevie Nicks
TALK TO ME TELL ME YOUR NAME SHE BANGS SHE BANGS SHE MOVES SHE MOVES. So here's Fleetwood Mac with none of the Mac but plenty of Cheese. Or Fleetwood. Whatever it is. Goat cheese??? You can talk to her at least.
- Nasty by Janet Jackson
Ew, nasty. Here's probably a dance groove. It sounds like someone banging a lot of trash can flutes. But it's generally synths. Also there's a lot of choreography on some street set. You can buy your flautas. I once thought they were called flatulas. Because Mexican food causes farts or something.
- Take Me Home Tonight by Eddie Money
TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT, I WANT YOU TO TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT, TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT, be my little baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy~~~ The whole song is the guy except for the few parts where it's a lady.
- We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off (To Have A Good Time (But We Can Still Drink)) by Jermaine Stewart
A song about good clean fun. And preventing AIDS by only doing dry humping. And getting drunk. But not so drunk they have sex. Then decades later it got covered weirdly and that versions INSISTS that you have to strip down and show your penis and boobs together. But that doesn't prevent AIDS as effectively. Use more condoms. Use a condom on your condom. I don't know if that's worse actually.
- All Cried Out by Lisa Lisa Lisa Lisa Lisa Lisa Lisa Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam
More slow sappy songs WAIT SET THIS PLACE ON FIRE YEAH BURN IT ALL DOWN FIGHT THE POWER INTENSE SHREDDING SOLO. I wish.
- Your Love by The Outfield
Bubeblebleblelbelbulbulbu I JUST WANNA USE YOUR LOVE TONIGHT. Abegebgebebgbegebebgbblu. Really the accent or whatever here makes it a little tough to hear individual words.
- I'm Your Man by WHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really only know this group for JITTERBUG WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO. This sounds very generally 80s and montage-y.
- Perfect Way by Scritti Politti
I haven't really heard of so many of these groups but I've heard the one song or so. This dude sounds really high pitched. That's all I can really hear, the pitch. And the breathing too hard with every syllable.
- Living In America by James Brown
Hey a pretty patriotic song. And a pretty groovy one because James Brown. Something so patriotic you wouldn't find much of lately unless it was on EXTREME COUNTRY stations. Also this was in a Rocky movie. Was it the one where he fights this Russian cyborg after it murders his friends? Yes it was.
- R.O.C.K. I.N. T.H.E. U.S.A. by John Cougar "Mountain Lion" "Not Tiger" Mellencamp
Hey another pretty patriotic song. You know what other word has four letters and ends in CK? Duck. Weird how they spell ROCK in the USA but he says rocking in the USA.
- Who's Johnny by El DeBarge
WHO THE FUCK IS JOHNNY TELL ME RIGHT NOW!!! Apparently it's the robot from Short Circuit. But they couldn't get the budget for the entire robot for the video so they just stole the arm. Then it's about the court case about them stealing the arm.
- Word Up!!!!!! by CAMEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THAT CODPIECE. That's the word. Such a word that the video for Back And Forth was just started by the codpiece floating in space. Straight up funk here though. Funky like... codpieces I guess.
- Why Can't This Be Love by Van Halen
POWER BALLADS. ONLY $59.95.95.99.95.59 FROM TIME-LIFE-WARNER-AT&T-MCDONALDS RECORDS. WITH JUST SEPARATE SHIPPING AND HANDLING AND YOU GET 20 MORE CDS A MONTH. BADOPOPDOPODPOPDOPDDOPDODPODPODOP
- Silent Running (On Dangerous Ground (And Deadly Farts)) by Mike Plus Mechanics Equals Some Band
WHY IS THIS VIDEO SO LONG. IS THIS THRILLER. IS THIS INDIAN THRILLER. GIRLY MAN. RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP YOUR MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. But it's all for this slow-ish song about something I guess. And then the video has a bunch of songs.
- Typical Male by Tina Turner
Typical male with all of the... penis and misogyny and whatever else guys do. Beer or something. Trying to get it on with a giant shoe for some reason.
- Small Town by John Kitty Cat Mellencamp
Born and raised in a small town, something something small town, what else rhymes with small town. I grew up in a small town but I didn't write a song about it.
- Tarzan Boy by Baltimora
The lyrics say "oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh," but it sounds more like OOEEUEHHHEOHEOEHEHOEEEEHOEHOEOHAAAAAA.That's all the lyrics you need to know. Because I forget the rest and what matters most is the chorus. So 80s. Possible overtones.
- All I Need Is A Miracle by Mikechanics
Part of that INCREDIBLY LONG VIDEO, they need a miracle that is also you. Pretty much it.
- Sweet Freedom by Michael McDonalds
It's this guy. He sings in that voice. It's quite the sort of song you'd see on a beach in the 80s for some date.
- True Blue by Modanno
She has a latte and she's going to rap about it. But instead she's singing about blue guys. The Blue Man Group maybe.
- Rumors by Timex Social Club
This group is about those watches? Rumor has it. Uma has it. Uma Thurman. It's some guys singing about don't do rumors. But maybe also buy watches.
- Life In A Northern Town by Dream Academy
Like Northern Exposure? AWAYAHAHAHAHAHBABABOBABABABOOABOBAB. Yeah, I've heard this one. A lot. Might have also been on some car commercials.
- Bad Boy by Miami Sound Machine
BAD BOY WHAT YOU GONNA DO WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU. COPS FILMED LIVE ON LOCATION. THE COPS ARE REAL. THE CASES ARE REAL. JUDGE JUDY IS REAL. However this isn't that song. It's different.
- Sleeping Bag by ZZ Top
Every girl's crazy for a sleeping bag. She's got a sleeping bag and knows how to use it. Just looking for some sleeping bags. They have beards and guitars and somehow manage to keep the two from getting tangled all the time. That's talent. Also their music and stuff. And somehow being related to Hank Hill because that is a weird show.
- Tonight She Comes by The Cars
This is 80s and possibly sexually connotating. And sounds half like they're trying to make it sound Chinese. Don't know if I've heard this one before.
- Love Touch by Rod Stewart
Rod. Touch. The video quality is so bad on this one I found, it's like someone recorded a VHS with a half-broken reel to reel and played it over AM radio. I know the 80s had technology. Anyway this is some kind of ballad I guess.
- A Love Bizarre by Sheila E.
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ1234567890. Turns out this is also a Prince song because it definitely sounds like one and I checked.
- Throwing It All Away by Sega Mega Drive
This sounds like he's singing to Tarzan in some kind of ballad. The Tarzan Boy? This sounds more like Phil than the rest of the band.
- Baby Love by Regina Monologues
Some 80s song about love and babies. It sounds like an 80s song.
- Election Day by Arcadia
The president election was in 84, not 86. It was Reagan vs. Mondale. Guess who won that by a landslide. If your answer is "Who the hell is Mondale" then you're onto something. I think this song becomes less about elections as it goes and just becomes more weird 80s stuff.
- Nikita by Elton "Long" John
An incredibly long song by who else by Elton John because screw standard single length I guess. It's about Russia because the Cold War and stuff. But also somehow a ballad. And isn't a lot of piano.
- Take Me Home by Phil Collins
So this one is definitely just Phil Collins this time. TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT I DON'T WANT TO SEE THE LIGHT BE A BABY. It's not that one though, that one was earlier, it's some more Phil Collins-y thing instead.
- Walk This Way by Run-DMC and Aerosmith
Here's when music got crazy and tried to combine rap and rock. More specifically old school hip hop and hair metal. It worked somehow. For some reason I remember this not memorable song where I think they were claiming they were making a video like Walk This Way had for the collab, but it was just really crappy and bad and wasn't even close to rock. Naturally it had Lil Wayne, but also Robin Thicke who has a tiny penis. Two people who I don't tend to want to see alone even, let alone together.
- Sweet Love by Anita Baker
Hello Moe's Tavern yell out "I'll eat a booger". I had to find the {Actual Video} to find the video. Sure is a ballad here.
- Your Wildest Dreams by Moody Blues
So unlike Taylor Swift's version which is about her haunting all your nightmares forever because you dumped her, here's a different kind of moody. The blue kind. Not a group of blue men. But it's what it is.
- Spies Like Us by Paul McCartney
This guy who isn't really related to a bunch of rappers made a song for this movie that came out in the 80s. I saw it, pretty all right, it was pretty much what you'd expect given who's on it, comedy and all. And this is the theme song so it's kinda like the Ghostbusters thing. Spying makes someone feel good and someone else feel creeped out.
- Object Of My Desire by Starpoint
Well, welcome back to the 80s. She's got desires. And wants to be made love to. By that desire object. Who might be a person.
- Dreamtime by Daryl Hall
All of the Hall and none of the Oates. Pretty 80s hair rock in here. Not quite metal. But there sure was a lot of hair in the 80s regardless.
- Tender Love by Force MDs
You know something's going down when someone forceful is tender. Sometimes you have to fuck her gently. What a song that one is. And this one, I don't know, sure is a ballad though.
- King For A Day by Thompson Twins
There sure were a lot of 80s songs in the 80s. None here quite as 80s as certain other songs but yeah. That's kind of it. You hear a lot of something and it's harder to figure it out.
- Love Will Conquer Al by Lionel Richie
Oh, it's All, not just Al. So he sings in a car about love being a force of some kind. Like it has some kind of power. So it's a song about the power of love. With less skateboarding.
- A Different Corner by George Michael
It's the guy from WHAM. Apparently was already doing solo stuff at this point. Artists would do that a lot. This video sure is some kind of art too, it's all art film-y. And it's one heck of a ballad sort of thing. This doesn't really wake me up to go go.
- I'll Be Over You by Toto
Over in Africa that is. I know they did other songs and I know those songs. Why does this video start like Seinfeld with some random riff and a close-up of an apartment window? It sure looked like they were going to rock but then here's a really sappy song.
- Go Home by Stevie Wonder
Of course the last song on here tells you to leave. This is the kind of funk soul stuff you get from Stevie Wonder.
All right, that's a list from the 80s done. Next, uh... well, you'll see.