It's a place all right.

April 28, 2017 (Originally posted on Blogger)

Fifty Shades Of Edgier: The Book: The Movie: The Soundtrack: The Porn Parody

Why am I reviewing this? Because I wanted to review a soundtrack from a movie I don't plan to see. And what better than them trying to keep this whole WOW HE IS WHIPPING HER BUTT WHILE THEY SIGN CONTRACTS thing rolling, I guess.

  1. I Don't Want To Live Forever (But I Want To Live Darker And Edgier) by ZANY
    Yeah, no. Not this guy. I wasn't a fan of that one direction they took before and I'm not a fan of this direction either. What better to cap off your dark supposedly sexy movie with this whiny dude.
  2. Not Afraid Anymore by Halsey
    I'm not sure what you're supposed to call this electronic half-dubstep-ish kinda thing most music is now, it can't possibly be EDM because it's too slow or something.
  3. Pray by JRY and Rooty
    I don't see much of this JRY person on the store. They seem all right I guess. Out of the three songs so far this one's not bad. It has a bit of a beat and overblown-ness to it. Also someone called Rooty.
  4. Lies In The Dark by Love To
    Did I just figure out their name? Maybe. This sounds like they took some song from a musical and made that weird electronic sound with it.
  5. No Running From Me by Nestle Toulouse
    And here's some jazz club hit I guess. Not too bad here. Blues-y.
  6. One Woman Man by John The Legend
    So it's a guy singing about wanting someone to be a one woman man, but he's a guy, so wouldn't he be talking to a woman, telling her to be a one man woman, or is the girl singing through him to tell him to be a one woman man? I don't know. It's a song I guess.
  7. Code-Blue by The-Dream
    Does the movie suddenly become Smurfs porn? It exists. But here's a song that's slow and whiny.
    It's this guy. Yay. He won't be singing about cake. That's the other guy. Not Florida. But they also do that. Next song.
  9. Helium by Sialium
    Sia brings down the lights and has a little something for... piano I guess. She should have done this song while on helium.
  10. Cruise by Kygo and President Andrew Jackson from the $20 bill
    KWOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSS. More electronic not dance music.
  11. The Scientist by Corinne Bailey Rae Jepsen
    What if they changed this song out for SHE BLINDED ME WITH SCIENCE DOOT DOOT DOOT. MGSV sure had a lot of 80s music and more games should do that.
  12. They Can't Take That Away From Me by José Jamés
    Some kinda swing deal here I guess. Not bad.
  13. BIRTH. DAY. (SEX.) by Jurassic Park Cooper
    Sounds like it's trying too hard to be a sex song. And kinda drunk.
  14. I Need A Good One by The Avengers and Mark Asari
    Faster than other songs on here, seems like a sped up slow jam. Speeding up slow jams makes them go faster, so that works I guess? Bit of a groove.
  15. Empty Pack Of Cigarettes by Joseph Angel
    All he has are smokes that don't exist. He knows all he needs with them. So is it that someone's a smoker? Is it him? Is it her? Is it them? Do they agree?
  16. What Would It Take by Anderson East
    They saved all the lighter sounding stuff for the end of the album, like the opposite of an album, usually deeper tracks are deeper on the album. Like some song you hear sitting in a bar.
  17. What Is Love by Frances and not Haddaway
    WHAT IS LOVE BABY DON'T HURT ME EXCEPT THIS IS 50 SHADES SO INSTEAD HURT ME SEXUALLY. Some slow song about trying to figure out what love is I guess. Apparently "baby don't hurt me" really doesn't work for a movie involving a bunch of rough sex stuff.
And the other two tracks are just soundtrack things. Yay. We did it. It's a soundtrack to a movie I don't watch. I heard reviews of it that said the lead actress was playing her part kinda sarcastically which made it better. I would guess. Also why did they start releasing a bunch of old movies in generic 50-shades-esque covers, that just makes them look worse and like bootlegs. Even if there's vaguely sex in them and it's not like hardcore punching butt action.

(Back to blog index)