It's a place all right.

June 9, 2017 (Originally posted on Blogger)

50 Previous Shades Of Something: The Book: The Movie

Well I reviewed the second one so why not go back to the first one. After all, it's 6/9. Unless you're in Europe or something in which case just read this in September I guess. Or in another time zone because this went up kinda late in the day after all.

  1. I Put A Spell On You (50 Shades Of Grey) (From 50 Shades Of Grey) by Annie Lennox
    Here's a cover of this song. She sure sings it. And there's more piano than trumpet this time.
  2. Undiscovered (Also From 50 Shades Of Grey) by Laura Welsh
    It sounds like one of those songs where they took some gangsta indie beat and some lady sang over it instead. Like walking down some black and white New York back street.
  3. Earned It (50 More Shades Of Grey) (By The Way Also From 50 Shades Of Grey) by The Weeknd
    YOU EARNED MY PENIS. WEAR IT LIKE A MEDAL. WHILE I AM STILL ATTACHED. That might be what he was saying. At least I want to say it was. Otherwise it sounds like a waltz where people keep falling over.
  4. Meet Me In The Middle (Still 50 Shades Of Grey) by Jessie Ware
    This song sounds like an electronic flute from the 70s or 80s or something. It also sounds like a lullaby you'd hear at a dentist office.
  5. Love Me Like You Do (Citizen Kane, No Wait, 50 Shades Of Grey Again) by Ellie Goulding
  6. Haunted (50 Shades Of Spooky) by Beyonce
    Beyonce becomes a spooky ghost for this song. And goes ah-ah-ah-ah-ah like that Crimson and Clover song maybe.
  7. Salted Wound (50 Shades Of Salt If You're Annoyed By This Yet) by Sia
    See, it's Sia. She's doing the Sia thing. She has hair. The hair just floats there sometimes.
  8. Beast Of Burden (50 Beasts Of Burden) by The Rolling Stones
    And then this is just here. Okay then. I don't want my pizza burning. Extreme close-up of a badly rendered "person" licking their entire face off. Like when you get a game over in one of those weird Russian bootlegs that keeps changing the music between various techno club beats.
  9. I'm On Fire (50 Shades Of Why Does Every Song Have This) by AWOLNATION
    It sounds like someone's trying to play too close to the speaker and it's got some buzzing feedback thing. So it's a concert in Inception or something. Also HE'S ON FIRE HELP HIM
  10. Crazy In Love (50 Shades Of Crazy) by Beyonce
    It's the version without the UH OH BANANA and the KFC INSANE. I like that version instead. With all of the trumpets. And being lively. Not... this.
  11. Witchcraft (Remastered And For Once Not From 50 Shades Of Whatever) by Frank Sinatra
    Hey, it's this guy. See if you want romance this is a good song to have on. I guess they get classy maybe.
  12. One Last Night (From Guess What It's This Again) by Vaults
    YOU AND I GO wait that's One More Night. But they still go hard on each other. And they sign contracts. Sounds like that EDM kinda buildup thing.
  13. Where You Belong (Belonging To The 50 Shades Of Grey Soundtrack) by The Wkend
    It's this guy again. Sounding like he does. A lot of synth and singing with some kinda pitch.
  14. I Know You (I Also Know This Is From 50 Shades Of Grey) by Skylar Grey
    Get it, the name is also Grey here and the dude's name is also Grey. Sounds like they were trying to make a Bond film out of a bondage film.
And then the rest is original soundtrack stuff. So yeah. I'm still not planning on seeing this one either.

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