October 20, 2017 (Originally posted on Blogger)
Reviews Album View
He started from Degrassi and now we're here looking at whatever this rap/hip-hop/R&B? album is. I bet I won't really get it and not really like a lot of it. See when I look at rap I keep thinking of what I'd listen to in the 2000s era when MTV2, which had music then, was showing me this whole movement of primarily Southern hip hop so I'm seeing groups like Outkast or the Ying Yang Twins and such. Nowadays I'm not really paying attention to the rap stuff but now it's just all over the charts more than ever and to the point where country people are even trying to rap. It's weird. But anyway here's this guy rapping. HE RAPS. And sings I guess.
Also because I'm doing this as part of some rating group thing, you're actually going to see songs RATED. I know, right? Numbers on some kind of scale (0-10, but for some reason allows one each of a -1 and 11) where higher ones mean I like something better. Really I only did this so I could do that rating group thing but this is the only way I can slightly cohere my thoughts into something I can understand.
- Keep The Family Close
So this song starts with some talking and people coming inside from winter? Is this like that Pokémon album where Ash comes in and Misty's all like DID YOU GET MORE WOOD and Ash is all like OHHHHHHH YEAAAAAAAAAAH but they they just sing instead of having sex like everyone thinks they do even though Ash is stuck in a stable time loop. And likewise, Drake starts singing here. Something about a car that looks like a Bentley but isn't and it's from Chrysler? I have no idea what those even look like, any car that's not radically different is just another car to me. Overall the backing track is fairly atmospheric, and then it ends with him screwing around with the drum machine a little which I find funny. He should have just mashed all the buttons a lot and then it becomes dog noises for part of it. [RATING: 3] - 9
NUMBER 9. NUMBER 9. NUMBER 8. BURP. NUMBER 8. BURP. NUMBER 8. BURP. This one is apparently for the dogs. Are there really high pitches we can't hear? Also rhyming "good" with itself twice, "good" start. Also you can make a 6 into a 9. Nice. This one's a bit more monotone and boring than the last one. He should have kept screwing with the drum machine. Instead this just ends with recording outside in the rain. I don't know if he's trying to make a soothing album to make you sleep with rain noises. [RATING: 1] - U With Me?
Nope. Not with this so far. PICK UP YOUR DAMN PHONE. Actually never mind this conversation isn't really going anywhere. JAM THE PHONE INTO YOUR DRUM MACHINE. DRUM WITH THE PHONE. At least this one's less the same throughout but still kinda is. And it has backwards piano at the end. [RATING: 1] - Feel No Ways
IS THIS VAPORWAVE? On purpose? Why is this guy talking over my vaporwave? On purpose? He also goes "yeah" a lot so much it even got sampled in the backing music. [RATING: 2] - Hype
I think when making this track he found a nice song but then put all the notes in the wrong order. Like he's trying to play a melted harpsichord wedged with a drum machine. Also he's sure this album is already a classic. It certainly got "mixed or average" reviews or something like that. Also some random guy in the beginning inside your right ear talking about hype. [RATING: 0] - Weston Road Flows
All I really got from this is that he celebrates Earth Day and his birthday, and also apparently candy bar wrappers are entirely pointless. I guess he likes his chocolate all stuck and melted together trying to scrape it out of the delivery truck while trying not to attract swarms of bees or something. For a rap, which is essentially someone talking over music, there was certainly a lot of non-variation in the whole time going. [RATING: 0] - Redemption
Will this redeem the songs I found kinda boring? Probably not, this also sounds kinda like that. Am I supposed to listen to this right before going to bed so I can sleep? Maybe I'm missing the point, the whole thing about sitting on the end of the building is like something you do in a dream so maybe it's an album where you sleep? I guess he also doesn't like poop. Number 2 is apparently unforgivable. [RATING: 0] - With You (with this Party Next Door going on)
Apparently not to be confused with a Lil Wayne song featuring Drake of the same name. This one features AUTOTUNE MAN who sings. I can't tell if it's Drake or the party. At least the backing track is nice music for loading your Wii games or something. [RATING: 1] - Faithful (with Pimp C and a bunch of consonants shoved together)
CHECK 1 2 1 2 BITCH. That's how you should do a mic check, call the listener a bitch. This girl is apparently expensive. I ain't saying she's a gold digger, but Gold Digger is better than this by far. It's pretty quiet throughout. [RATING: 0] - Still Here
I guess he is. This sure is a lot of album. Drake attempts to mumble rap before going back to singing. Then out of nowhere the pretty much same-y track suddenly turns into what sounds like some kid kicking a car that's trying to start. I guess he just started screwing with the drum machine again. After that he says nothing until someone talks over rain sounds. [RATING: 2] - Controlla
If Drake was a controller he'd be a joystick that's kinda stuck with a drum machine taped to it. Also random AIRHORN out of nowhere. Just in case you fell asleep. Also toward the end the beat kinda goes away until someone says "cheese". Then some guy just starts yelling for some reason. [RATING: 1] - One Dance (with Wizkids and Kyla, which do not form Wiz Khalifa when combined)
This has a girl singing in it, some guy talking over a walkie talkie, the girl sings again and gets stuck going WEH WEH WEH WEH WEH WEH WEH WEH WEH until someone just shoots up the track to get your attention again. No, put down the gun, the gun is not a drum machine. Yes it might have a drum magazine but no. I think the way the beats and songs just kinda go on they have to do crazier stuff to keep people paying attention. [RATING: 1] - Grammys (with the Future of the Grammys)
The Grandma Awards, all the music that causes grandmas to yell about turning down that hippie crap. Drake is yelling a lot here. He also says "TOP 5" repeatedly. Except number 2, because poop is worthless. Then the whole rest of the track is Future talking about random stuff where if I try at all to decipher it into a language my head hurts a lot. Also I just realized this album is from Young Money Entertainment and Cash Money Records. Soon there will be a label just called MONEY MONEY MONEY. [RATING: 0] - Childs Play
This is either about a murder doll or that bag of candy you can get at the store around this time that has Tootsie Rolls and stuff in there. Or about loose women having sex with entire basketball teams. And bouncing either basketballs or female body parts. They almost had a beat that wasn't half asleep here. [RATING: 0] - Pop Style
More like poop style. Apparently he has enough chains to become "Chaining Tatum". Is it more than two to do that? Is 2Chainz actually on the lower spectrum of chain amounts worn at one time? I've seen A-Team after all. The TV show. The classic one. Just saying that in case there's multiple shows in the works. [RATING: 0 (for the song, not the A-Team, which is a great classic show like a Saturday morning cartoon but for real)] - Too Good (with Rihannon)
More like... not very good. Is this the precursor to Work? Or as she calls it, WURWURWURWURWURNANANANANANANADADADADADADADADA. At least you can tell what she says here. [RATING: 0] - Summers Over Interlude
Oh good this one's short. It's some kinda soul track? Yet even this makes me kinda sleepy, but maybe that's just after effects from the other stuff. Then it turns into a radio at the end. Also it's not Drake singing. Short but sweet I guess, I wonder what if this album was half soul music not by Drake and the other half was Drake just screwing around with drum machines. [RATING: 5] - Fire & Desire
You know a romantic singing part is kinda less romantic except to chipmunks if you speed it up like that. I don't get why rappers/rap singers/R&B-ers do that. Or slow down the clips either. It just makes it sound funny. Also does a real-ass woman mean her butt isn't enhanced with some kinda silicone thing? What does that mean for her boobs? [RATING: 1] - Views
TITLE DROP. FINALLY. No. No. No. No. YEAH. Aside from that weird joke at the start it's pretty standard fare. Then again even with that joke. He just says YEAH a lot. [RATING: 1] - Hotline Bling Miami (somehow a bonus track even though this was effectively the leading single and it's also on all the versions of the album so what is the deal with this even being a bonus)
This is really the only one I know already because it was kind of a meme. He has a weird dance and you can set this song to Wii Shop Channel music even though it's already elevator music-sounding. Not exactly elevating music except to that whole meme thing which had more to do with the dance and trying to figure out what a video would be for this. Someone used to call him and now that she's an independent woman or something he's all mad at her. He also dances weirdly. [RATING: 1]