2019 "Pop Is Dead Again" Year End List Extraordinaire
Something I've learned is that music isn't really dead, you're just looking in the wrong genres. I don't suggest looking at the pop charts and only the pop charts, though, of course that's harder now because Billboard became a bunch of greedy old farts because they're probably run by a bunch of greedy old farts, but at least we can see the whole year-end still and be disappointed to whatever degree we tend to be while being fans of genres that don't show up on this list.
Maybe there's songs you like on this list, and that's fine, but my tastes have not been any more than barely aligned with whatever this public view might be for some time. Take, for instance, my Spotify year-end automated lists which I've only posted one of here at this time, which can feature songs such as Borderline by Tame Impala, or Juice by Lizzo, both of which are not on this list, though another Lizzo song is.
- Old Ass Road by Small Nostril X and The Cyrus Who Isn't Miley
So I figured this one would be at the top given the whole engineered record attempt they forced this song through. While I don't really like this song, it's not a terrible song, it's just one I don't like, and like any song, overplay can be annoying, even for good songs, which I also don't consider this to be exactly. However, the main merit of this song is that there's actual music in it, though it's a bit of a story. The core track is actually from an experimental Nine Inch Nails album, which was converted through with some backing keyboard synth drum thingy by someone else, which was then picked up by this rapper person or someone working with them. Some version of Creative Commons may have been broken in the process but that's another discussion.
They took yet another go at the "rap mixed with country" angle and produced something at least not a strain that was trying to be all "look at us we're working together", but people were wondering if this should be country or not. I don't consider it to be, but I also don't consider a portion of modern country, at least what I've heard on the pop charts, to be much of country anyway. I don't normally listen to country past a certain year period anyway. This is more along the lines of whatever this "sing rap" thing I've been calling it, if there's a proper genre name that doesn't overlap or override something else defined.
I can find this song fairly listenable, but there's a certain catch. As the core portion from Nine Inch Nails is actually pretty cool on its own, toning down the bombastic modernized vocal overlay and subduing the synth drums, while not eliminating them entirely, can still produce a nice result. And that's why the K.K. Slider version is the best version of this song. Somehow, that version got officially licensed, probably just by the rapper's label, I'm not sure Nintendo authorized any of this but they haven't taken it down because it's not a fan game.
- Sunflower (That Song From Spider-Verse) by Post Malone and Swae Lee
I saw Spider-Verse, and it was a pretty cool movie that took advantage of the animated presentation. The soundtrack also worked into the movie in a sort of Baby Driver way, kinda, but mostly because it's the music the main character listens to. It turns out the Baby Driver movie is not some sort of weird sitcom scenario where a baby drives a car. This song's all right and melodic as things go.
- Without Me by Halitosey
Without Me is probably where I was first knowingly introduced to Eminem and I thought all his raps were going to be funny raps because I was a kid at the time. However that's not the song on this list. But she does say FUCK THEM ALL. And I thought one of the lyrics was "smoke the marijuana every day" but that's just me getting bored at this downbeat song.
- Bad Guy by Billish Illish
I still don't entirely get whatever she's doing, but I can appreciate the merit of intentionally trying to make something hard to listen to, in order to flip status quos and all that stuff, yet end up with something kinda listenable and end up in the top 10 here. She makes use of that talking into fan thing well here, maybe.
- Wow. by Post Cereal.
This is not the Beck song so I can't get loose with a luminous moose or however that goes. I don't know why this guy is popular because I'm very out of touch with the kids these days. I think he sounds like either talking into an empty soda bottle or an operatic goat. Not at all like going WEEW WEEW WEEW like Future though. Also he sings instead of making strange noises while throwing money at a TV.
- Happier by Marshmallow and Bastille
I don't really know what Bastille is doing since that song which might be about corpses covered in ash with the super drums and the ominous chanting, but this doesn't sound like the direction I would have wanted. I feel this song goes on too long because it ends, then he takes a breath to sing the next verse and then I change the channel because I forgot to. That's the most annoying thing. Also since some guy with a bucket on his head that's not Buckethead is on this, it becomes generic EDM.
- 7 Rings by 7 Ariana Grande Dade
I would prefer the bit on Friends where Monica screams SEVEN repeatedly. But coming in at number 7 on this list is 7 Rings, which bootlegs My Favorite Things from The Sound of Music. Then she talks about stuff she buys. Is this a dig at commercialism? Maybe? If you think about it really hard like most things. But she can buy a lot of stuff too as a successful artist, so maybe this is quasi-brag rap?
- Talk by Khalid
Not to be confused with that other song where the number in the title spells "TALK" partially and is supposedly relatable (WOO), this is some kind of low key just need to put a song on for some reason song. Like it fills space on the radio and is about talking maybe.
- Sucko Mode by Travis "Not Barker" Scott
Also features Drake, because of course. Something about going into some kind of mode. I lose interest in this kind of thing easily. I get sick of this mode.
- Succ by The Jonas Suckers
They got back together for some reason then made this where if you remove specific words, it turns into "I'm a succ you". That's the extent of the enjoyment I get from this song. Not so much from the song itself.
- High Hopes by Brendan Urine featuring State Farm Insurance
While the album Death of a Bachelor still had some songs I found decent and was something I felt was worth spending about a buck on because there was some sale on some thing, this time around it's a very entirely pop approach. If you want to call it a sellout, feel free. So far from where the groomsbride is a whore and nobody knows how to close a motherfucking door. Also far fewer members. Also for some reason there's a State Farm commercial with this song and he talks over it, therefore I've permanently associated the two.
- Thank U, Next by Ariana Grandana
I find this song repetitive and dull. Thanks but no thanks. Next song.
- Truth Hurts by Lizzo
Here's a weird story. I first knowingly heard of Lizzo at the start of this year with the song Juice. I like that song. For some reason, a song of hers from years prior was the one that lit up the charts while Juice was just kinda on there. Maybe it's the loud and up front approach that people preferred over a funky throwback style. Then there was a re-release of her new album that included this song because it wasn't originally on there. Even so, this is an all right thing because she got recognition, and the song's all right too.
- Dancing With Someone I Don't Exactly Recognize But Am Possibly Comfortable Doing So Maybe by Sam Smith and Normani
This song uses the phrase "look what you made me do" but at least Taylor Swift isn't trying to copyright trademark patent it. This is a bit too whiny for me. And boring. Dance without pants like the Men Without Hats And Pants. But maybe don't sing so whinily. I don't care if that's not a word.
- Señorita by Shawn Mendes and Camila Caberello
The thing about this song is you can replace any instance of "señorita" with "miss in Spanish" and it still works. You could also go with "girl in Spanish" but that would be "niña" instead. That's all the enjoyment I get from this song.
- I Don't Care about a song by Ed Sheeran and Justin Bustin
Actually Justin Bustin might be a good artist name. He's at a party he doesn't want to be at and I don't care. I don't care about this song, it's just there and not important to me and I keep changing the channel and usually ending up on something older because I'm older or at least sure feel that way.
- Eastside by Benny Blanka and Hall C and Khalid
Not to be confused with South Side by Moby and sometimes Gwen Stefani. This is some weird song that has the line "a gorilla PLAY WITH ME" or whatever that is. Also dreaming about teenage families. And living in a city where the sun never goes down and therefore it's too hot and everything burns.
- Going Bad by Meek Mill and of course Drake
Joke about this song already having gone bad because it was out of the fridge too long. If you like Drake songs and also rap songs where they make that weird noise, or at least one of many, then this is for you. It's not for me.
- Shallow by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper
Apparently this is from a movie. A movie I didn't remember existing and a movie I probably won't go see. It's a sappy song. They also did a live version that was covered by Bad Lip Reading. In that one they seem to smash their heads together a bunch.
- Better by Khalid who is not Wiz Khalifa
Did you know that Arthur is on the TV in the We Dem Boyz video? Unrelated, I know. Arthur is gangsta, so it seems. But anyway, this song. It goes between lyrics I can hear to I'm not sure what, but I don't listen to this long enough usually to tell anyway.
- No Guidance by Drake and some other guy
This video is too long and has some guy trying to upstage Drake to make him look bad. Drake instead has to attempt to out-dork the other guy, who is dressed entirely like a bandana, for several minutes, because I guess the condition was to look comparatively worse. I'm not sure that it worked. Also some lady spanks her own butt in slow motion. The song is pretty average-ish.
- Girls Like You by Moron 5 and Cardib
They had way mooooooooooooooooore than twenty-foooooooooooooooour hours and I was tired of this song when it came on the first time. I need leeeeeeeeeeeess hours of this song. Like maybe zerooooooooooooo hours. Also Cardib (still pronounced "car-dib") is there.
- Sweet Butt Psycho by Ava "Mad" Max
When I first was trying to figure out what this song was, autocomplete added in "gacha life" to the search, and it turns out it's some kind of bootleg not quite GoAnimate thing where it's anime with chat boxes and I guess people probably pay gigantic amounts of money because it's "gacha" and that's what people think games are at least as far as phones and FIFA. This song sounds off-key and talks about delicious poison, which for all I know is a mistranslation from French about tasty fish.
- Suge Jackman by Dabbabby
This apparently involves real goats, but I don't see them. I'm also not sure if the song changes in the same song or if it's two songs like how rap videos back in the early to mid 2000s would do. I can probably make this beat on one of the keyboards I have around here on its own. Then this guy is doing the rap. I guess this is music.
- Middle Child by J. Cole
This goes between calling out all the flood of rappers showing up thinking they're more real than others and making threats while this guy is wanting to prove he's more real by threatening murder of all the fake rappers. That's rap I guess.
- Drip Too Hard by Small Baby with Guns
Can someone drip too hard? I'm not even sure what this drip thing is. I still question what a Ric Flair Drip is. I hope venereal disease isn't some hot trend. This is rap probably. The video is ultra wide.
- Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi
This isn't some comedian I've heard of before. He's also not Ed Sheeran. But this song is sappy and all that stuff I don't listen to.
- Ran Dollar Sign Om by Small Tecca
Here's some teenager who made some kinda rap. I swear these rappers keep starting out younger, and I know there's been kids who were like around 5 probably doing rap in the 90s.
- If I Can't Have You by Shawn Mendes
This song that's from a boy band sounding guy that shares the name with another song from the 70s. I'm very tired of this song and also kinda tired of the other.
- Goodbyes by Postman Malone and Young Thug who is not the youngest one here
I kept trying to find a bass boosted version of this song since autocomplete suggested it and I can't find one that has the audio cranked to terrible levels, like which I actually expect of a bass boosted version. This is some sing rap song. That's about all I've got.
- ZEZEZEZEZEZEZEZEZEZEZEZEZE by Kodak Black and Travis Scott and Offset
The video is a bunch of green screen messing around over some rap song. Such as MASSIVE ASSES and cheap effects. I'm not sure why bad greenscreens are a trend in videos now. Is it an attempt to be funny but it's half-assed because it still looks professionally done?
- Better Now by Post Alone
I still don't know why this guy is popular, but here he is yet again. Singing like an operatic goat into a soda bottle. I really don't have much to say about this or most of his music that I get tired of quickly.
- Youngblood by 5 Milliseconds Of Nuclear Summer
This still sounds like another song I don't remember but swear I've heard, mostly the chorus part. Until I figure out that song I can't stand this song even more than usual, which I just don't really care for it, not a loathing or anything. Maybe it's a strange mind effect.
- Money In The Grave by Drake and also Rick Ross The Pear Boss
BURY ME WITH MY, MONEY. If the rap song sampled that it would be much better. He also has TWO PHONES and one is for charging. So this is what rich people do with money. Actually I'm still not sure what they're doing. I'm sure they just buy a $53K Mac Pro for e-mail though.
- Speechless by Dan Plus Shay Equals Danshay
I'm getting two results for this, one's from these people and the other's from live action Aladdin where it's time for rewind. If YouTube's not letting themselves live it down then nobody is. Also what the hell is an "icon video"? I don't know if this actually has an actual music video because the next result is a "wedding video". That's probably closer. Soon they'll have a "nothing video" where it's not even album art, just a completely blank screen. And that will become an "even more nothing video" where it's just complete blank silence for the length of the song. Then it will transcend into "the most nothing video" where they don't even upload a video at all. Anyway this song is a pop possibly slightly country song that I don't like because it's too sappy.
- Break Up With Your Girlfriend Because I'm Bored And Want To Mess With Relationships Like I'm Playing The Sims In Real Life Because I'm Manipulative As All Hell by Grandiana Are
She just says the title. Not the title I wrote, but the actual title. But it probably means what I wrote. At least it seems that way to me. Just go play The Sims. At least there you can set people on fire without getting locked in maximum security.
- Please Me by Cardib
This also features Bruno Mars but not mentioned on this for whatever reason. Like things he does these days it's a bit of a throwback style, yet Cardib is the top artist on this song. It's not a bad song though for the sake of adhering to the throwback thing yet again. I wonder how much more mileage there is in that, constantly traversing previous decades.
- Money by Cardib
I can't pull up the actual video for some reason because it has too much porn apparently. I'm not going to bother signing in for this. I can find free porn elsewhere without logins. Not that I'm going to do that right now. I find porn weird, but that's another story. This is another Cardib rap. Something about dripping a lot and also murder probably. And some squeaky baby keeps saying MONEY. So you know what the song is called I guess.
- CALM THE MOTHERFUCKING HELL DOWN by Taylor Swift
Taylor Swift, someone known for making songs that seem to be overreactions regarding breakups, is telling someone to step the hell off. That's something. Of course it's about people being more petty about stuff like Katy Perry Burger and Taylor Swift Fries getting together, except it's really about free love, but not so much the rampant sex orgies of the 60s and 70s, and more about love itself, as well as someone being able to find their real identity in the connected mess of modern civilization. So she has a point, at least, but one that a lot of people have also brought up, so it's not like this is revolutionary comparatively. Also if you see a Taylor Swift fan freaking out over something Taylor Swift-related, you can lay this song title on them, so that's a plus.
- Panini by Old Meme Song X
Now there's a "Chowder video". How many kinds of videos will there be? Is this song really about Chowder? Let's just assume so. I'm not sure how this fits in with a show about chefs that focused an odd amount on the enlarged nipples of the show's title character who kept removing his coat jacket shirt thing. The "official video" is in the FUTURE. WEEW WEEW WEEW. Not Future though. Yet somehow both kinda have the same narrative, walking around in a street, going to a plane where the rapper shows up outside the window, jumping out the plane and flying around a little before landing somewhere. This is an okay sing rap song if it's not overplayed like the other one was. At least it's short which helps a bit.
- Look Back At It by A Hoodie Filled With Boogers
The video features some kid getting yelled at by old people parents and then flossing his fartnuts in the hallway. The song features some sing rap kind of thing where he also sings the drums for some reason. This is not my kind of music. Sometimes I feel like the old people yelling for even more pointless reasons and not really at anyone at particular.
- A Lot by A Savage 21
This guy is trying to out-yeah Drake. Turn down the headphones a little? Why not all the way. Hahahahaha I made funny joke again. This song sounds bored. Like not boring, but I think it kinda is anyway, but as if the song itself is bored.
- MEEEEEEEEEEEE. MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! by Taylor Swift and Brandon Urine
Hey, kids, SPELLING IS FUN! BECAUSE KNOWLEDGE IS POWER! G.I. JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. That oughta hold the little S.O.B.s. That's it. That's my thoughts on this song. Filled with pop culture references. Because it's pretty much that level of bragging. Even brag raps feel humble comparatively. Not like Humble, but you know.
- MIA by Bad Bunny and who else but Drake
This song is not by M.I.A. though. When a song is hard to tell whether it's drunk Spanish or drunk English, it's just drunk. Drake is able to enunciate in multiple languages, the other guy can hardly manage one.
- Poop Out by Poop Log and Little TP
Oh look, it's a song from people I haven't heard of that sounds like rap songs I've heard recently and the video has random effects on it. Whatever this is really isn't my genre it seems.
- Beautiful Crazy by Luke Combs Who Is Not Luke Bryan
Oh look, it's a country song that's sappy. At least it sounds more like country than others.
- Thotiana by Blue Face Group Of One
At first I thought this was some sort of beef track against Ariana Grande, but now I don't know what this is. I swear the first time I tried figuring out what this was, I found a video where a rapper was carrying a woman by the butt and spanking her and that was supposedly the music video. Now the one I'm finding is about football somehow. Then I scrolled too far and found a Roblox version. Because that's what I want with my Legos, ghetto booty. Then it sits on the Legos. Then it hurts a lot. Then I scrolled even further and apparently Soulja Boy did a version. I didn't know he still did rap, I thought he went on to be more of a bootleg console seller and an esteemed video game critic playing games such as Braid and multiple copies of the same Halo games as well as coming out with a game on the Xbox 2 and drawing chibi manga swag.
- Lucid Dreams sponsored by World of Juice
This rapper is now going to appear on so many songs next year since he died recently and that just seems to be industry procedure. I bet he'll have clips mixed with X Tentacle Man's clips among others on a song next year. Or ten. This song was annoying. It sounds like he's complaining over himself complaining into a phone. Also lyrics along the lines of "I can't change you so I MUST DESTROY YOU".
- Mo Bamba by Sheck Wes
What the hell is this. A 16-year-old BITCH? He has hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooes? This really just sounds like someone screwing with a microphone. Apparently even to the point where he just starts randomly swearing even more than usual is because the computer froze where the music stops. Supposedly a smooth recovery from that since it fixed itself, but this just seems to show how single-take this was. Not that single-takes are bad things, but this isn't a great thing.
- Beautiful People by Ed Sheeran and Khalid
They don't want to be the beautiful people celebrities, but guess what? They are. They're the celebrities all along. It turns out it was them who did it. They did the celebrity thing. Congratulations. Look at the mother, you made it. MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
- WakeUpInTheSkyShipping (Gucci Mane X Bruno Mars X Kodak Black) OneShot Rated T for mild rampantly excessive swearing
This is the most modern-sounding thing I've heard Bruno Mars on recently. And this is from late last year somehow so it stuck around enough. It's an okay song that could work in the background. Like shopping for... rap stuff? Rap Snacks maybe? I've actually seen those in stores now. A store. Not like convenience stores.
- Whiskey Glasses by Morgan Wallen
The upgrade from beer goggles. We found more country. It sounds like country. And starts with some guy getting slapped. That's about all I've got.
- God's Country by Blake Shelton
So pretty much the southeast? Or just anywhere rural really. Where people listen to country. But I'm not sure if those people complain about the amount of pop getting in their country like how I complain about the amount of pop getting in pop or whatever it is. Maybe bootleg EDM. This country song sounds more like actual country though. I guess they might define the normal traditional style of country as God's Country and whatever the new one is with all the bro country as crap. Because they figured out the country of the gods.
- Be Alright by Dean Lewis
A sappy song from someone from some country I'm not sure which one, because for all I know it's the UK or Australia or New Zealand or somehow Canada unless it's from the US. But probably some country outside of the US because he's all like "it's over m8".
- Pure Mustard by Mustard Migos
Oh, so this is that squeaking baby song that keeps coming up and annoying me as I try to change the radio. Yep it's another Migos song with DJ Buzzaonabee. Yay.
- Thi Git Ip by Blinci Briwn
This is country rap? I think everyone just wants to do this again because Old Thing Something was taped to the top of the chart for so long. And then the video just says it should be a TikTok meme, which means maybe this thing was just constructed to be one which is why it's simple and not a great song. So therefore people will follow it blindly and it'll be a short-lived corporate meme while only showing the videos from those who adhere within Chinese government-imposed societal norms.
- Takis Crunchy Fajitas by DJ Snake and Selena Gomez and Ozuna and Cardib and this other person we found outside
I still don't really know what Takis are. Are they like some kind of sliced onion skin bathed in ghost peppers? Here's a rap in Spanish again. I think.
- Cloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooose To Me by Ellie Goulding and Duplo and Swae Lee
She's an animal mole like Adam Levine. Also on the radio it almost sounds like he had to cut his dick off because of where it blanks the song. But it's just the word "bitch". And nobody's chewing any part of him like gum either. This song is annoying and it keeps going CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE TO ME.
- Envy Me by Calboy
This starts out sounding like he's playing multiple songs over each other since it doesn't fit. I don't envy this. Also at least these songs are getting shorter.
- You Say by Lauren Dingle
So this song isn't by Adele. Also it might be a Christian song by subject, but at least isn't as hollow as a lot of that stuff that plays on those specifically Christian channels that only consisting of "PRAISE GOD JESUS" over some generic radio rock from the Disney Channel. Sappy but fine, just not my kind of thing.
- LOOK AT ME MOM, I DID IT, I DID THE THING, I GOT SOMEWHERE, PLEASE SPONSOR ME STATE FARM by Panic! At The Urine
This is a song about how he's successful. Supposedly there's irony, but like The Man from The Killers which I almost forgot even existed until I needed another example, it doesn't really feel like it's there, so it just comes off as bragging. However The Man from Aloe Blacc is actually a good song.
- Circles by Post Circles
I swear a line in this is "it was just a sex boat". I feel like these songs by him just go in circles too. It's an endless loop of these showing up on the radio.
- Beer Never Broke My Heart (But It'll Probably Break My Liver) by Luke Combs Who Is Still Not Luke Bryan
Why have love when you can be DRUNK AS FUCK? GET IT CRUNK. Found more country.
- The London by The Young Thug, The J. Cole, and The Travis Scott
These the rappers go to the London to make the song that this is the here. I swear I heard the T-Pain but I guess that's just the autotune of the someone else and he is the made of it. You know what I found just a bit the annoying when I tried the World of Final Fantasy demo was the character that kept putting "the" before every the subject or the object as if it was the trying to be the cute but no.
- Con Calma by Daddy Yankee and Katy Perry and Snow
So this bootlegs, yet credits, Informer by Snow. That one song that's all INFORMER sdfjklsdklfsdkljkldfglkjdfsklsdfjkl A LICKY BOOM BOOM DOWN. Except it's different people and it's pretty much the same song just with different lyrics kind of. So, I don't know, you could just go to the classic version.
- Murder On My Mind by YNW Melly
I don't know what that name is supposed to be, is it some cypher form of "lil" someone? I guess this is a rap song. I'm not sure if the message is against murder or another song filled with threats against arbitrary others. Maybe it's somehow both. At the same time.
- When The Party's Over by Billillie Ellillie
This song isn't the other one, that's all I know. It's a lot slower. And harder to tell what is being said. Sounds like one of those slowed down Sia songs.
- Act Up by Some Girls From The City
The video is pretty low budget because here's a rapper with a taped on microphone talking in front of some badly edited graphic on a beach. Then it just interrupts in the middle for something I can't even hear. A bunch of people are getting on the charts I've never heard of until now.
- I Don't Like It by Cardib, Bad Bunny, and J Balvin
This song bootlegs some older song that goes "I like it like that" but adds things like how Cardib likes being nervous around some other women in the club. At least how I hear it.
- Trampoline by Shade But Misspelled And Also In All Caps
So this is that annoying vaguely empty song that keeps showing up on the radio. It doesn't have a drop where it should be. Or any. Also the video is a big white void, as seen in when you battle enemies inside of buildings in Pokémon games. What else has a white void background? Google, sure. Also Apple. Which as I found out, this song is on one of those Apple commercials for some kind of technology. I guess it's a song for a commercial then. Like this other one I heard that I swear is an ad for the Honda Mazda CRX7-8-10 or whatever that hasn't come out yet but came from the same people who did a Jeep commercial.
- Leave Me Alone by Flippppppppppp Money
This sure sounds like the WSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH exclusive that it is, some guy is smoking too much and not enunciating enough, but at least saying words instead of going DAWAWA (gunfire noises drowning out everything else every five seconds) and choking constantly. Mostly it sounds like someone whining to their parents to get out of their room.
- Breathing By Ariana Grande
This song sounds like it goes on forever. Just keep breathing and breathing and breathing and breathing and breathing and breathing and breathing and breathing and breathing and breathing and breathing and breathing and breathing and breathing and breathing and breathing and breathing and breathing and breathing and breathing and breathing and shut up already.
- Bury A Friend by Billy "I Buried Flanders" Eilly
Here's that song that's hard to hear but still gets airplay. Not hard to listen to, hard to hear. This angle where it's not the loud pop music and it's not following much of a pattern as a total, sure, subvert the status quo maybe if this even counts, but I still don't really get it.
- Close Friends by Small Baby and apparently also Gunna but they're clearly not important enough for the list entry
Yep, it's that kinda rap with singing or whatever this is. Straight from the online probably.
- Shark Pup by Baby Song Factory Incorporated
If you're going to treat this as some kind of educational, at least use proper terminology. Anyway, because babies use YouTube now and that's why they need to clean it up because they're afraid babies will listen to rap songs with swears, this got on here. I don't think this got radio airplay outside of baby radio. For babies. Not so much sharks. I still haven't even listened to this song yet since I'm not surrounded by babies and I'm not looking forward to it. Oh no, I clicked it. After like 50 minutes of logos, more than your average modern game, it eventually gets to the actual thing and it's terrible. That's really most of all I have to say about the song itself. Just terrible stuff meant to dull kids.
Really, it's just a weird version of that finger family song that also plagued YouTube with all the bootleg cartoons of Deadpool Mickey shooting himself in the face while Bart and Lisa have an incest family and take the babies to the strip club. Real videos that existed, by the way. I can't wait for those to get on next year's charts. YouTube Kids doesn't work, stop telling me to use it, it's just a faster lane to conspiracy videos. Banning every other video isn't going to work either, I'll still be able to find porn "for educational purposes". Not that I go looking up porn anyway, I still find it weird.
Also the lyrics keep going "doo doo" so I'm thinking like the shark takes a giant dump on this song. Baby shark, take a shit, gonna shit in the diaper, the diaper of the ocean where the fish are, grandma shark, tries to take a shit, but she didn't take the fiber, daddy shark, breaks the toilet with a mega shit, gonna need to buy a new one, find a fishing boat instead and eat it I guess. I can also write baby songs, just take ones with swears and replace the swears with colors and shapes or something.
- My Type by Saw Eating
So this lady took Freek-A-Leek as the background part just to talk about how rich people are who she prefers. I see nothing new here. Just go find the early-mid 2000s rap itself. Also does literally everything need to be some sort of fictional challenge? Also I noticed for some reason FOX sometimes uploads full episodes of random shows to YouTube so if anyone still making YTPs wants to get on that then feel free.
- Worth It by YK Osiris
Unlike the other song from However Many Is There Now Harmony this doesn't feature someone humping a trumpet repeatedly. It does have someone who I'm not sure whether they're trying to yell or to sound like they're a lot older. Also some random guitar part shows up. Also he may have attempted to eat someone's face. I don't think that's worth it. Maybe he's choking on face flesh during this song because it does sound like he's trying to cough everything up.
- Only Human by The Brothers Jonas
Take your pants off in the living room and shit on the bed and fart in the dining room. Gotta get it drunk. DRUNK. Love drunk on these humps. Here's a song that sounds like maybe they want to do things but not. Is it sex? I don't know. But then they just go wowowowow. Bow bow bow bow. Butt butt butt butt. Smack the butt in the basement. Diarrhea in the tub. Bark bark bark bark. Blame the fart on the dog.
- Knocking Boots by Luke Bryan Who Is Not Luke Combs
He sounds like a dork in this song. Like not the usual country weird singing but like he's acting weird. This song is probably sex words.
- Trip by Ella Mai
R&B lady is here to sing R&B and it's a chill song. Not bad here. You can dig and find some tunes in the list. She's done other songs that got on lists, such as this one which was also toward the bottom of last year's year-end.
- Rumor by Lee Brice
According to the description, "this song is from the perspective of a small town guy who is ready to take the next step with a small town girl he's known forever". Thanks for helping. It's a slow country song, but not too slow I guess? Just kinda sappy. Very sappy.
- Swerving by Hoodie Boogers and 69
I don't think this is following the same narrative as Panini despite also featuring a plane. Anyway it's a rap song. Probably. I might be bad at genres now with how things are now.
- Where Do We Go When We How Do You Sleep? by Sam Smith
It's someone from the songs they sing that I don't really pay attention to. I forget if they're from a band but I also don't feel like looking that up. They sound like a bird in this one who keeps screaming. People say they kill with their vocals in the comments. I can believe that might happen in person if some really loud bird calls start happening. Or maybe that just summons crows.
- Baby by Small Baby and The Baby but not Beaver Baby or Shark Baby
Here's a song made entirely because of their rap names, and where it's hard to tell what they're saying. So clearly it was made by babies learning to talk. Maybe it was also somehow produced by another baby like how DJ Khaled does. The album art becomes Babyod from the Star Wars Mandolin show I can't watch right now because I'm cheap.
- Oh My God, God. Look At What God Gave Her. It's Just So Big, Like Out There. by Thomas Rhett
He likes what God gave her and he cannot lie, probably. Here's some pop country. Poop country. I made a dumb joke again. It's very average though. Singing about family while having the family in the video, very family.
- Good As You by Brown Cane Sugar
Another country type song in a row? It does tend to just cluster together at the bottom of the list. Yeah, that's it.
- Clod by Offset Cardib
It's like the bootleg X-Files song. Or maybe it's half of a Final Fantasy fight song and he'll do anything for Cloud. Cardib apparently bathes in lemons. Not lemonade, the lemons themselves.
- Love Lies by Not DJ Khalid and Normani
This one again. Nah. Still just laying there.
- One Thing Right by Marshmallow and Brown Cane Marshmallows
I don't know why people who make EDM with giant hats keep showing up in kids games. That dead rat guy was in Minecraft before and now dead bucket man is in the game about farting nuts. Somehow attempting to make country into EDM. Florida Georgia Line beat you to that maybe. Or just making it generally worse. If I get those giant furry heads from a Wal-Mart, tape them together into a horrible amalgamation, and then sit on a keyboard, can someone sign me? I can be called Who The Hell Is This Guy because it'll be accurate in about six months after. Unless I time it right with the next major kids game. Then about two years.
- Shitting Cash by Megan The Stallion and Baby The Baby
I don't think this has a real video. So I guess the track features a clip of someone in the background, taking a piss repeatedly. While people rap. TIME TO TAKE A PISS. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING. I'M TAKING A PISS.
- Tequila by Danshay
This is still on here for some reason. It's not the right version. The right version goes DA DA DA DA DA DA TEQUILA. There's only a few words in the lyrics. And it's all just build up to someone yelling TEQUILA. That's a better song than this and that has less words. And more music.
- Shotta Flow by NLE Choppa
So do rappers now just put random acronyms before a word for their names because all the "lil" names were taken? Why does it sample some King Midas guy and the backing beat is about 5 piano notes? At least this isn't shota flow. That could be illegal. Also why are there a million sequels already?
- Hot Girl Summer by Megan The Stallion, Nicki Minaj, and Ty $
So crazy, can't fake it, won't you take it, HOT GIRL. Here's a rap song about hot girls. No, a different one, not about hot problems. Then someone got mad enough at this to make a counter song called Hot Girl Bummer. Just to say fuck you to everyone and vomit in a bag or something. Why not go all the way and make an experimental jazz fusion called Cold Boy Winter. Well guess what, someone did make a random rap song called that. Now all we have left to do is Warm Person Spring and Cool Person Autumn.
- Talk You Out Of It by Florida Georgia Bro Country People
You're not Usher. The dorks continue their... whatever this is. Something I don't like is the easiest way to describe this.
- Beautiful by Bazzi and Camillero Caballero
This sounds manufactured. Like very manufactured, more so than some other pop and such, maybe even more than that song with the million horses on the cover from all the remixes. This comes from the same guy who did YOU SO YOU SO YOU SO YOU SO MINE. Also someone else is there.
- Eyes On You by Chasealizza Rice
Sappy country. So much country. So much is sappy. What's not is usually pop on this chart. And may still be.
- All To Myself by Danshay
Don't wanna be all to myself. So this has not only another "icon video", but a "shadow video". If you click on the Shadow video it just starts going ALL HAIL SHADOW ELIMINATE EVERYTHING THAT'S NOT YOUR BREAD. Sounds like pop I guess.
- Boyfriend by Ariana Grande and Twinkie House
She makes this train-like noise going woop woop woop and then says she's a motherfucking goddamn son of a fucking bitch ass train wreck. Then it's an Ariana Grande song. With some other people.
- Walk Me Home by P!NK
She keeps showing up. Doesn't seem like she's coming out to have people kiss her ass though like before songs. It's almost like a drinking song in the way it sounds.
- Robbery in the World of Juice
It's mostly yelling. Yelling about something? A robbery? I guess? Apparently a breakup song, or maybe the girl took a bunch of stuff. Something something we want prenup.
This sure was a list with a bunch of weird crap on it. Can't say I look forward to the next one, but I'd like to look forward to surviving until the next one comes out. Perhaps I could hear all about the people I haven't heard of, yet have heard a dozen times on pop radio and decided to skip those songs in search of classic rock or something else familiar while I keep looking in other genres online.