It's a place all right.

October 19, 2021 (Originally posted on Neocities)

P25TARATS (Pokémon 25: The Album Review, And Then Some)

For the mega billion dollar franchise Pokémon, apparently the highest-grossing franchise ever according to people who also like to point out all the issues with the mainline games, they went and decided to put together a whole album to celebrate the 25th anniversary year, bringing in all kinds of modern star talent with those billions, or some fraction of it at least. For all I know it took less to make the album than it does for one of those charity singles where a million celebrities each sing a word, and that's just one song. Meanwhile the biggest thing I probably did was buy a used copy of New Pokémon Snap. Yay. At least that game is a nice update to a classic, even though I can't exactly send monsters flying into volcanoes by hurling apples and pesticide orbs into faces in that one, all for the sake of funnier photos. But at least there's music streaming, like there's nearly everything else streaming, including video games, but those can be harder to stream. With the main album finally out, I feel like I'm overdue to yell at a music collection that's not a top rank playlist, and one that bleeds into another main interest of mine as well. I'll be looking at every song that came out for this promotion, all neatly compiled in some order on the main album, specifically the digital version since I guess CDs supposedly don't hold much anymore even if songs are getting shorter. Also it's easier to stream audio than try to set up some kind of teleporter. Or wait for shipping. I can wait for physical discs I'm actually after.

  1. Eléctric Booger Loo (Specifically Pokémon 25 Version And Not 26 Or 24 Or Even Digimon) by Katy Pérry
    Not to be confused with the song that a certain sliding dance is associated with, this is a new thing. The song seems to be another one of her nearly trademark empowerment anthems, like Firework or Roar to name a minimum of two. In the video, Katy Perry gets a pet Pikachu, probably also called Kitty Purry like in the video for Roar, but the video is mostly about her rising to stardom. Also time travel somehow. Damn it, Celebi, you're going to create a time paradox if you keep screwing around like this.
  2. Phasés by Jax Jonés and Sinéad Harnett
    This is a song that sounds like a modern pop song. With the whatever instrument it is being sampled and so on. I'm not good at knowing which exact thing is what. Not sure I can pick out something that makes it specific or stand out to explain what I'm talking about. I feel like I've heard this song from somewhere else. Or something similar to it.
  3. Také It Home by Mabél (not Sable or Label)
    The song is… a pop song? Again, it sounds like a modern pop song, this one with a bunch of clapping and loud bass drum synth things and people going "bloop" into a megaphone. I've heard a few of those in general. Also there's an acoustic version for some reason. The video has the artist fall asleep watching a weird cartoon about a Gigantisupermaxed Pikachu staring down a Celebi for almost causing a time paradox, then wake up in full costume and makeup for the video. The main Pokémon featured in the video is Jigglypuff, who for all I know is busy drawing on the sleeping artist's face in this whole dream sequence. Of course Pikachu shows up again later.
  4. Beliéving by Small Bóaty (not Imagine Dragons)
    Fun fact, apparently this artist does sometimes go by "lil boat". Literally that, in no caps. Apparently something says that this artist is also planning to be in a movie about Uno, as in the card game. No idea how the hell that's going to work. Anyway this is a sing rap song about believing. Repeatedly. In full autotune mode. It's a song all right.
  5. Tén Cuidado (Pokémon 25 Explicit Version But Without Any Swears) by J Bálvin
    It turns out there's not ten of a "cuidado" but instead this is a Spanish title that translates to "Beware". This whole song is in Spanish as well. He keeps singing about Pokémon and then goes into a weirdly hilarious Pikachu impression. I dumped the lyrics into a translator and it seems to be sort of a boasting rap that involves Pokémon, possibly being a Trainer. In the video, someone's messing with the lights while the artist lays on a bed. Something about beds this video collection. But it's not Nosferatu flipping the switch, it's some random electrified Poké Ball that got left at his doorstep. He picks it up and changes into a Trainer outfit for some reason. Now he can go play Pokémon GO. And of course there's Pikachu, who helps people by jumpstarting cars and electrocuting a woman so her hair stands up. Also Hitmontop is there to breakdance. So at least they are still showing monsters other than Pikachu. Like Charizard. And monsters other than Charizard, like Totodile.
  6. Wondérful by Cýn
    This is the kind of pop song that sounds like from the 90s kind of, like that other song, you know, that one song? No, maybe, but I was thinking of that other song. I can't even remember the name of it, or even the song itself, but I can vaguely recall songs that sound like it in parts. Also there's a line about eggs hatching whenever, possibly a very vague connection to the series, but if it were, it'd be more like eggs hatching after biking around in a loop for 10 minutes or so.
  7. GOTTÉM by Vince "I Believe You Have My" Staplés
    Here's a straight up rap song. It just happens to have occasional Pokémon references dropped in. One line is talking about watching for snakes and rats in the grass, and then name dropping Rattata and Arbok immediately after. Speaking of name drops, the Porsche 911 is mentioned before that. I'm wondering when Porsche was in Pokémon, because I know they had Mercedes-Benz in Mario Kart. Was it that one truck? Some time after mentioning that he's lost a couple friends to the streets, a line people in comments seem keen to point out, Mew and Raichu are name dropped as well. Raichu, not Pikachu.
  8. Gamé Girl by Louané
    Get it because it's like Game Boy but it's not a boy this time it runs on AA Grrrrrl Power super batteries. This song's mostly in French and then the chorus is suddenly English. The video is mostly just the artist singing while sitting on things in a few rooms with an outfit per room. If you describe anything that way, it sounds really dull, like if you don't watch the video you might guess that it's just someone sitting on a chair in an empty room with different lighting and shirts each time. That would be close to the video for Hotline Bling. The rooms and sat-on objects in this video are decorated for the theme at least.
  9. Fart Shów by Tiérra Whack
    This is a basically structured song that sounds like someone wanted to sing an 80s song to a bunch of kids to teach some kind of moral lesson. I don't really know what an art show has to do with Pokémon aside from when there's an art museum in the games, and I think that mainly happened when they had the contests. And no it's probably not about certain things you can find searching Google Images.
  10. Only Wanna Bé With You (Special Pokémon 25 Limited Edition Version Pre-Order Now) by Postman "Pat" Maloné
    To kick this whole promotion off, they had a whole "virtual concert" starring this often-present charting artist in 3D form. Not even undergoing the average level of change those avatars from that one Alter Ego show had overall, much closer to one of those Xbox Avatars, or maybe some kinda skin you could buy in some game I can't bother to mention because for all I know you already just thought of it. It also had the premiere of this song, a Hootie and the Blowfish cover of all things. It's a weird year, says everyone about every year. I'm not sure that I even liked the original version. So I can't really say much about this version as I'm not sure I've found anything I've definitely liked from this artist, I just hear them on the radio sometimes. Along with the original version of this song. And now nuts and gum are together at last. Yet I don't think I've heard this on the radio, but I don't listen very frequently to pop stations.
  11. Reconnéct by Yafflé, Daichi Yamamóto, and AAAAAAAAAAMYYYYYYÝYYYYYY
    This song and everything after are apparently exclusive to the digital version. Somehow they can't manage to cram the rest of these on a CD, even with the runtime so far being well under an hour, so unless this was some really long experimental track like something from Metal Machine Music or The Most Unwanted Song, not sure why this is. This under 3 minute song starts with that familiar Game Boy intro theme and randomly samples it throughout as it becomes some kind of hyped up collaboration song with some guy singing, then some lady sings, then someone eats a microphone. It sounds like a song they'd throw on the credits of one of the almost two dozen movies they've made. The dub version of course.

This last set of remixes came out as an EP, prior to the album itself. In true series fashion, they had one "red" EP with the original songs and a second "blue" EP that has the remixes, sold separately. Of course the music industry already does that anyway. All of these remixes are from one remixer.

  1. Také It Home (ZHU ZHU PETS Remix) by Mabél
    This takes the original and makes it sound slightly more 808-y, maybe. Also random synth breaks in the middle where they attempt to turn something down for whatever.
  2. Wondérful (PUTT PUTT SAVES THE ZHU Remix) by Cýn
    It sounds like the original mostly, but with more techno beats and maybe longer. I can't think of much else so here are the Professor Oak quotes I was thinking of when I saw this song. WONDERFUL. YOU WERE CLOSE. HERE IS A PRESENT FOR YOU.
  3. GOTTÉM (ON STREETS WE CALL THE ZHU Remix) by Vince Staplés
    This remix of a rap song doesn't add 600 rappers, but it does change out the backing track to hit incredibly hard. It even briefly samples Game Boy music. Certainly the most remixed of the remixes. Of course swapping out the backing track is a fairly common way to remix a rap, but often times I've seen online, it's done with an existing song. And usually involves the DK Rap.

This album turned out to be one full of music ranging from barely even related to Pokémon to name-dropping them practically every other line. Given the range of tying in, it seems more like they were given the prompt as a suggestion along with the requirement to not swear a whole bunch, instead of being told "hey write a song about Pokémon and we'll pay you". There are a bunch of songs about Pokémon out there anyway, sometimes really specific ones under really specific conditions, and they didn't just do a compilation of those. To me, there hasn't exactly been a stand-out hit from the list, if any of these songs end up getting radio play. If somehow it did happen, I'd guess either Katy Perry's or Post Malone's given their respective popularity and such and not being overtly related to Pokémon to where it'd feel like an advertisement, like J Balvin screaming like a Pikachu. Anyway this has been a review I'd been planning for the better part of the year, more just being on the back burner until the album actually released in full, and with that out of the way we'll see if I do that year end review later on. Or any other album reviews in general, if I can pick out any albums to review.

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