It's a place all right.

January 12, 2024 (Originally posted on Neocities)

The Return of the Revenge of the Year-End Billboard: 2023 Edition

Could have sworn I was planning to do more reviews before this one, but I got sidetracked by being busy with everything, as that usually happens, and then I got again sidetracked from finishing this list so it’s a little bit later this time. Even so, I swear they keep releasing these lists earlier each year, and also apparently they might just kinda exclude all of December and part of November from this chart entirely from what I hear, so if the greatest song in the world was ever found and blew up exclusively in December to the point where it even overtook Mariah Carey’s throne then this list probably wouldn’t hear about it. As usual, linking Billboard’s list and Wikipedia’s copy for reference.

  1. Morgan Wallen from Last Night
    Last night they let the liquor talk while drinking God. Somehow this list just has a ton of country. Now I’m not some kind of political analyst or anallinguist or theralyst or whatever the hell so I can’t tell you what that means for society in general, or if people are just getting sick of generic-ass pop or rap or trap or crap or whatever, but this list is what it is. However I’m not really a fan of slow types of country like this, though it’s not utterly the slowest and sappiest. Still, if this song ended up on top then clearly the pop music scene hasn’t been doing great at the least.
  2. Flowers from Miley Cyrus
    Being a celebrity, of course you can buy yourself a bunch of things, including overpriced influencer-branded snack foods. But that’s not the point. This one seems to be more about not needing someone to do nice things to you and self-care and stuff and also being an independent woman who don’t need no man and such. At least that’s what I get from what I’ve heard from this because I keep changing the channel off when I hear this since it’s not my kind of song. But the message seems to be that you can love you BEDDA DANNY CAN
  3. Kill Bill with the Bride SZA
    The way the radio censors this song removes the word “kill” makes it almost sound like “I might shit my pants” instead of “I might kill my ex” for someone half-listening like I might be when skipping through the channels. It’s a random word to censor given how it’s not a swear or a drug or the word “skeet” now that everyone else knows what that means, and I guess they just wanted to absolve all responsibility from potentially suggesting murder as a response to cheating or jealousy or other relationship problems. Even though that suggestion can come from anywhere, like a TV show or a book or some random person yelling on the street. I could even suggest it, but I won’t, because this is a relatively static document that has no idea of knowing what kind of relationship the reader is in, if any. Anyway, also not really my type of song.
    However, I also try to look up music videos if I can find them, and I mean actual music videos and not “lyric videos” or some random clips thrown together by an uninvolved third party, and note if there’s something of note in there that stands out at a glance. This one of course pretty much parodies/homages/pastiches the Kill Bill movies. But then it does that thing where there’s another song at the end, which I’m not sure I’ve really seen much since the 2000s rap videos I saw on TV back when there was an MTV that had music videos, and in this case here’s just a tied up nude woman singing the song. Okay then. I haven’t watched the movies yet so I’m not sure if this is a scene in the movie or just there to be naked.
  4. Taylor Swift the Anti-Hero
    There is also a lot of Taylor Swift lately, though not as much as the country on here. And Taylor Swift started as country, which in one way would mean there’s even more country on this list, but really it’s more pop as it has been with this artist. This song seems to be a self-aware look at all the drama that tends to come with Taylor Swift songs, things like all the everyone and everything versus Taylor Swift and burning through boyfriends to the point Family Guy had an easy parody of the concept. Then again that’s just a superficial view, as I’m not the person to ask about this, as I haven’t been a fan of Taylor Swift’s music from the start really.
    The video features a visualization of the song, including a reading of a will and a funeral scene that interrupts the song for a while, also with various Taylor Swifts showing up and encountering one another, as seen in other videos as well. I guess that makes sense for some self-reflection.
  5. Creepin’? Aw man. So we back with Metro Boomin, The Weeknd and 21 Savage side to side, side-side to side, also Diddy is there
    It’s just easier for me to quote a shitty meme song than Redbone, really. Another thing in music lately is what I tend to call “bootlegs” but are more officially known as “interpolations” or possibly even “remakes” as they’re not quite covers or remasters. Because now what we need in music I guess is arguments about whether something’s remade or remastered or remixed or rehashed or over-redone or whatever. Anyway I’m not a fan of this or the original as it’s just not my type of music.
  6. You need to Calm Down, Rema and Selena Gomez!
    This would be a song that I wouldn’t mind having on in the background passively, like it just got on the radio like it has been, and they even assure it’s ANATA BANGA, but the parts where the song goes WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW and LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL to the point where I wonder if this was meant to be a successor to that Trololo song are a bit distracting. Honestly it’s an okay song that I don’t really mind in general aside from the above mentioned part, which I do kinda find funny for the above mentioned reasons, but the part when Selena Gomez starts doing the thing, it turns out that’s really better as Rema’s thing and just sounds like “uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh” and is probably the lolololololololololowest point of this song.
  7. Die for Whom? The Weeknd or Ariana Grande?
    I wouldn’t want to die for this song for sure. Its stilted plodding delivery and general sappiness are not my thing at all. Ariana Grande just adds Ariana Grande-type audio to this and yeah, still not my thing. I did find the music video for the original where someone plays Halo on Xbox while it sounds like typing, then the Starboy from Starboy I guess shows up and stuff happens involving powers. I wasn’t really watching the video since the music was distracting and made me want to leave.
  8. Luke Combs driving a Fast Car
    This cover kinda blew up in a year full of covers and bootlegs. It’s pretty much the exact same song but done in more country. I don’t know that I really got attached to the original either so yeah, wasn’t my type of music. Also it didn’t end up becoming NASCAR because of the combination of country and fast cars so we’re not having to go all YEAH BOY WE GOT THIS NASCAR AND BEER AND WE’RE GONNA GO TRUCKIN’ AND FISHIN’ AND HUNTIN’ AND DRINKIN’
  9. Snooza by SZA
    Another slow jam kinda thing I guess. I swear at one point the song goes “I’d do the 1-2-3-4-5 for you”. The video features nearly nude dancing everywhere, like on a farm and in a warehouse and on the lap of some kinda robot. Then the video becomes another song that takes place in some old camcorder footage-looking thing. I don’t know.
  10. I’m Good (Blue (Da Ba Dee)) by David Guetta and Bebe Rexha
    My main issue with this song is it takes a song that already finely walked the line between annoying nonsense and legitimate banger and just shoves it into generic pop, removing the bangerness of it and just making it background music. Also it sort of clogs up the searches for trying to find the original song from Eiffel 65, the kind of band who somehow got away with just listing a bunch of PlayStation games and calling it a song, and it’s pretty much just a commercial for the PlayStation, even though I can’t find any evidence of it actually being used as a commercial in that way. I find that to be more creative than whatever this new old bootlegged pop song is. And I’m not really a fan of list songs either.
  11. Sam Smith and Kate Petras in the Unholy body shop repairing cars FROM HELL
    Last year’s list had this pretty low. And somehow this went toward the top of this year’s list. I guess something about it happening late and getting the traction it needed to stick around, about as I figured. This probably happened due to being overplayed to where I got pretty tired of it. But when I’m not sick of it, I do kinda look back on it as a fun song. Dorky as heck with the obvious sexual matters but why not just roll with it. I also find the part about “lucky lucky girl” sounds a bit like squeaky windshield wipers. However I was never into the whole thing about calling targets of sexual desire “mommy” or “daddy” as in some kinda Freudian type Oedipal business or whatever.
  12. Proof of You by Morgan of Wallen
    Yep, time to drink a whole person I guess. How much volume of alcohol can a person contain? Like what if you remove the blood and replace it with alcohol? And also all the rest of the body? So it’s just some kinda flesh canteen? I don’t know. See when I’m not a fan of a song and it gets on the list repeatedly I kinda just wander like that. Writing this during times when I’m tired after a long day also helps.
  13. Zach Bryan In The Orange
    When I was a kid hearing about the OJ Simpson trials, my lack of understanding of the world would just picture that there’s this Simpsons statue stuck in a carton of orange juice. The Simpsons have been around for such a long time that if you hear Marge in the new episodes she sounds like a chain smoker. Not the Chainsmokers but more like her sisters in the show. I feel for the voice actor who has to sound kinda gravely on a regular basis and then whose voice just became gravel after doing the voice for several decades.
  14. Drake and 21 Savage Rich Flexes
    Oh cool something that’s not a repeat. Oh no it’s Drake. Wait did they just say they’re going to put someone inside of a chicken wing? What is rap? Also yes of course a watch made of diamonds would be expensive. Also they keep changing the song. Again, what is rap.
  15. As Hairy Styles Was/Were
    Return of the repeats. This one’s okay still. But it kinda grew on me a little.
  16. Bailey Zimmerman And A Hard Rock That Isn’t Even Close To This Song
    More country. More repeats. More next song please.
  17. Chris Brown is Under The Influence
    I noticed a new spam comment: “I love this song so much. In the realm of A u t h e n t i c views, (artist name)’s brilliance flourishes, where talent ignites and echoes. Genuine and enduring, artists blaze a trail, riding the surge to fame. It provides pivotal for talents like (artist name), leveraging it to dominate the current music landscape.” Anyway, about the song, did you know that it abbreviates to UTI, which is also the abbreviation for a urinary tract infection? Oh, about the song itself, sure. It’s slow and not my thing but at least Chris Brown isn’t a living handkerchief this time I guess.
  18. Taylor Swift’s Cruel Summer without Bananarama
    Long story short I much prefer the Bananarama song. Classic 80s jam there. I’ll take “it’s a cruel (it’s a cruel) cruel summer” over “CrUuUuUeL summer” any time. It’s not the worst song, but the end of the song goes “ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard” before going “yeah” repeatedly and that part at least is funny. Also while the devils roll their dice, angels roll their ice. Dice made of ice maybe. Or their eyes are frozen. And they open and close them in slow motion.
  19. Thinkin’ ‘Bout Morg’n Wall’n
    More of this gangsta rap trap country whatever this genre even is. Why does there have to be some kinda plugged in the Casio beat on top of country songs now that doesn’t even really fit. It’s like that song about Bad Habits that’s not from Ed Sheeran that for whatever reason ends up getting this exact same kind of generic synth drum pattern overlaid that more distracts from the song, because maybe they had to make the song “accessible” to people who can’t stand songs that aren’t trap or have quiet parts I guess?
  20. Boy’s A Liar, Part 2, by XxXxPinkPantheresesesessssseses420xXxX and SpIce
    To make sure I could keep up with the lore on this song I had to find the Part 1 and it turns out I’d randomly heard it skipping through pop radio. Then I find out instead of this song being circus music like Independent Women Part 2 it’s just the first part but with a rap section. Or maybe it was this version I heard all along. It’s the same video-game-from-TV-show-that-doesn’t-understand-video-games-music in the back with someone singing over it going all “aboysalia” and “goodena a a” repeatedly. I still think I’d take the circus music.
  21. Toosii’s Favorite Song
    This is definitely not my favorite song. I don’t even like this song. What is this, some kinda sappy trap thing? I don’t even know.
  22. Thought You Should Know Morgan Wallen Keeps Showing Up On This List
    It’s a sappy country song.
  23. Kane and Katelyn Brown Thank God
    It’s a sappy country song. I think.
  24. Sure Thing, Miguel
    Somehow this song’s over a decade old and yet it sounds like it came out this year. This is because of one of those Tick Tock videos the kids look at isn’t it? I’m just assuming that whenever an old non-Christmas song ends up on the chart and the artist didn’t die. I double checked and yes, it was one of those Tick Tock video things. So I’ll keep assuming. Anyway this song keeps going OWO at various times, even somehow potentially predating the widespread memeage of “OWO what’s this???”. New music theory: Is Miguel a time traveler? And now there’s official nightcore chipmunk and vaporwave versions I guess. Those are actually recent posts and not recordings found from the 1800s so this isn’t a whole all-knowing obvious time traveler thing at least.
  25. All My Life I’ve been searching for something, that something probably wasn’t Small Durk and J. Cole
    It’s one of those rap trap songs with kids singing in it because I guess they had to have kids in it? I remember this one song that was about rapping opera and kids singing about Wal-Mart. It was called The Most Unwanted Song. And I want more avant-garde weird-ass music like that, if not just straight up songs I like. So not this.
  26. Ella Baila Sola by Eslabon Armado and Peso Pluma
    Now this is a jam. Sounds a lot like the music that comes on the local Spanish language stations, a.k.a. Mexican radio. Largely because it’s in Spanish and has a lot of brass instrumentation alongside guitars. Maybe those stations are playing this song a lot and that’s how this got on the chart, but I don’t usually have those stations set up in preset lists. Maybe I should because I like good music. Also if that’s the case then how did “El Sonidito” (the beeping song) not end up on one of these year-ends I’ve reviewed? Because that song got played a whole lot. Even if I was just scanning through the channels it was likely to be that one.
  27. Karma is Taylor Swift’s latest boyfriend and SpIce is there too
    This song keeps randomly beeping like a phone message. It’s an okay song in general even if it sounds like the phone is constantly blowing up. Also karma is a cat, karma is a dog, karma goes hippity-hop like a frog, karma gonna kick you in the ass, karma don’t take no sass, karma is a boyfriend, karma is a god, karma does the Kama Sutra in a pea pod, karma in a house, karma with a mouse, karma with a fox in socks in a box, karma has green eggs and ham, karma will eat them with Sam-I-Am. Also I remember there being some gritty Netflix reboot of Green Eggs and Ham somehow.
  28. Small Vertical Gun Just Wants To Rock
    This song is… interesting. First it starts out with a short DAYUM, then the longest DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM ever in a song. Then not too long after, it does it again following a short verse. And then it starts going BUH BUH BUH BUH BUH BUH BUH BUH BUH BUH BUH BUH BUH like rapid-fire Seinfeld with a hair stuck in the mouth. This song is also really short, in fact I hammered out this weird paragraph in about the time the song takes.
  29. Cuff It, Beyoncé
    I somehow wasn’t aware this was Beyoncé but I’ve heard this a few times. It’s pretty disco. It’s about royally fucking up a night but also cuffing it. At least the song didn’t get fucked up thankfully, it’s a jam.
  30. Vampire Olivia Rodrigo versus the Zombie Flanders
    Another Olivia Rodrigo song since this artist became popular for some reason that I forget what it was but it involved drivers licenses and some kind of other thing. Mainly this song gets stuck sometimes on a piano riff so it sounds like the computer froze, and reminds me of this scene I saw once in the Arthur show as a kid where Arthur throws trash into this garbage can-looking computer, accurately predicting the Mac Pro at some point, and it causes this holographic band to flip out and get their song stuck, accurately predicting holographic concerts. Also the phrase “famefucker” in the uncut version just sounds weird. But so does “dreamcrusher” in the radio version. And “Mark Zucker” in the outtakes.
  31. Gunna, Fukumean the name of this song is actually Fukumean?
    The start of the video is just crusty-looking video of hanging out in a sex equipment shop. They were trying to go for a retro VHS look I guess but ended up half-assing it since it looks fake, kinda like one of those Puppet Combo games that has so many effects on screen it’s assuming that playing the PlayStation means playing it at 12 billion percent volume while drunk and wearing Vasoline and it’s not even plugged in, but fortunately not to that extreme. The song and actual video part for the song are some kinda rap trap and booty vibration. And it keeps going EYUH.
  32. Legally Distinct Shade Of Violet Haze by Taylor Swift
    This song sounds like it’s farting at random. And then it goes yeh-oh-yeh. Like some advanced form of Drake. Then I start misremembering the words as things like “damned if you do and damned if you Dimma-don’t” and “the 1950’s ain’t got shit on me”. It sounds like a song that just hangs in the background and I want to put on another song to override it.
  33. (Girls Is) Players (Too) by Coil Eray
    The video starts with some speech about moving with God and playing chess instead of checkers. So you’d better go back to your bars, your temples, your massage parlors, etc. See that song about chess somehow is an actual banger. This song however reminds me of two things. One, the song that the beat samples which I forgot the name of but I’ve heard before, and apparently it’s Grandmaster Flash’s “The Message”, and two, the Jay-Z song “Dirt Off Your Shoulder” because there’s a line in there that says “ladies is pimps too”. That’s all I have to say.
  34. Jelly Roll Needs a Favor
    Oh look, a country song I actually find kinda good? It’s not terribly sappy, not trying to be rap, crosses over into rock, and the lyrics depict a strained relationship with faith in desperation from what I’m reading into. It all checks out. Even though I still don’t listen to country that much either way.
  35. Dance The Night with Dua Lipa
    I’ll say that Dua Lipa’s hot jams have grown on me for sake of invoking a lot of disco and 80s pop type stuff, and this one’s included even if it’s been overplayed to heck and back. Also it’s from the Barbie movie that was paired with the Oppenheimer movie. I saw one of those, the one that didn’t recreate a nuclear bomb with practical effects. I found it fun. I probably wouldn’t have found the other fun at least in that way since it’s a docudrama kinda thing.
  36. Luke Combs Loves You Anyway, I guess
    More sappy country. Yay.
  37. One Thing At A Time, Morgan Wallen!
    It’s a country song. I think it’s a breakup song? Maybe? It’s okay.
  38. Superheroes & Villains by Metro Boomin, Future, Chris Brown, and not the Beach Boys
    Nothing like showing off those hot NFTs to prove you a real gangsta. I guess it just shows that you’d have money to burn on pretty much nothing and instead of going to some kind of strip club to hurl whole pallets of singles at people, you go buy monkey pictures. Not even stock images of monkeys in the office or whatever’s on those sites. And the other day I was at a Best Buy and was trying to figure out what this random device was, it was called a “ledger” and I thought it was like some mini-tablet thing you could write on. Then I looked at the text near it and it had something about how you could put NFTs on it and I was like, oh, it’s techbro garbage, cool, I forgot this existed for a bit. Then I bought other things like a keyboard and a Kirby game because they were on sale. Anyway this sounds like what I expected it to sound like, given the presence of Future, except when the Chris Brown part shows up at the end it’s just like pasting part of another song in there at random.
  39. Steve Lacy’s Bad Habit
    This song again. I still find it all right. However for whatever reason the radio stations I’ve heard have issues figuring out how they want to play this song. Do they play the song as-is? Do they overlay some generic drum track over the whole thing that doesn’t fit and distracts from the actual song? Do they cut out the acappella part entirely? Do they just end the song when that part happens? It’s like this song is some enigma they can’t quite unravel. Somehow far more complex than removing the rap part from a pop song that has a rap verse thrown in for whatever reason, where in the case of Katy Perry’s Dark Horse they still can’t agree on a universal method of making the song supposedly more appealing to people who are afraid of random rappers. In that case, they either just end the song early or replace the rap part with some random filler, if not just chop that whole segment out entirely.
  40. Lv Bvbv bv Yng Lvcvs vnd Pvsv Plvmv
    They have balloons in the back that say “Bebe” with no reference to any offspring of this “Bebe” or to Robin Thicke’s supposed genital size. So here’s some Reggaeton I think. With autotuned singing. I don’t really get any vibes or bevis from this song.
  41. Gvldvn Hvvr bv JVKV
    Why are there so many Vs? Is this ancient Rome or something? Okay maybe I’m slighty exaggerating but there are still a lot of Vs. Anyway this is that song I swear was taken from some anime or Zelda and someone tried to rap over it kinda but not really, but it’s actually its own song. And it’s all right. Also props to being willing to being covered in glitter for a video of some kind because that’s some dangerous stuff right there. It’s not like that urban legend about the gold-painted person in Goldfinger suffocating through their skin like some Metal Gear character but just all that glitter getting everywhere forever.
  42. Religiously Bailey Zimmerman
    Yeah, more sappy type of country.
  43. Spin Bout Drake and 21 Savage
    It’s rap and Drake is also there. Then the women on the boat blow it up.
  44. Cupid Cupid by by Fifty Fifty (Not Not Cent Cent)
    Hey we found K-Pop. I thought there would be a lot more of this given how K-Pop is popular with everyone still I swear. Maybe that’s part of the reason for the massive country pushback on these charts because some people are being all like YA KNOW BOY WE DON’T NEED THESE DAMN FOREIGN CHINESE MEXICANS MAKING UP THEIR MUSIC ALL I NEED IS A BEER AND A TRACTOR AND I CAN WRITE A COUNTRY SONG ABOUT DRINKING JESUS AND PRAYING I GET A HOT WIFE WHO DON’T YELL AT ME FOR PARKING THE TRUCK IN THE HOUSE or something. I’d hope not and it’s more just people appreciating country even if I don’t really get with that often. Anyway here’s a K-Pop song I’ve actually heard on the radio, granted it’s the fully English version instead of the half Korean half English original version. It’s about Cupid being stupid because that rhymes, or more just being dumb because that doesn’t rhyme.
  45. Drake Searches and Rescues… I don’t know, some kinda hot chick probably
    SAD PONY. DEPRESSED HORSE. DOWNBEAT EQUINE. But yuh, it’s a Drake song.
  46. Nicki Minaj and SpIce living in a Barbie World, and Aqua is there technically
    Guess what movie this song is from. You get zero guesses and the first infinity don’t count. I’ll say this, the original Barbie Girl song doesn’t play incessantly throughout the movie, but this one shows up over the credits, pretty much taking the song as a sample for a backing track. Also Wikipedia had to have a visual diagram to point out how the music video references a scene in the movie that references a scene in 2001: A Space Odyssey. Also one of the lines lists a bunch of names and then goes “gah” which makes me think they’re listing God as a Barbie doll. Try drinking that, country singers.
  47. Next Thing You Know, it’s Jordan Davis
    Did you guess it was country? You’re right. Did you guess it was a sappy song? You’re double right!
  48. Escapism. By. RAYE. And. 070. Shake.
    This song, which I swear samples part of the backing track melody from Missy Elliot’s “Work It”, shifts from the upbeat club tempo to the slower synth sections while depicting trying to cope from a breakup through excessive drinking and drugs and sex and sounds like all those ups and downs. It’s a pretty good composition, and a song that’s presented in a fairly tangible way even to someone who doesn’t partake in any sort of those aforementioned things, including hookups and such.
  49. Un x100to by Grupo Frontera and Bad Bunny
    Well if you want a unique song title there you go, and I bet you could even use it as a password, but please don’t because it’s possible that’s been done a few times already. And I also found a Kidz Bop version. This sounds a lot like the songs I’d hear tuning into a random Spanish station, which I do find nice. The Kidz Bop version not so much, as that overall sounds kinda annoying to me like about anything else whatever group of kids they have whenever puts on an album. Then again I’m definitely not the demographic for Kidz Bop, which to my understanding largely consists of either kids or the type of people who shouldn’t be anywhere near kids.
  50. Until I Found Stephen Sanchez and Georgia Brown
    It’s a slow and sappy ballad meant to sound like it came from the 1950s but sounds modern, mainly for how the main singer on this sounds and I guess how the song generally echoes. So it feels more just like a modern song in general instead of a throwback.
  51. Shirtza by SZA
    It’s some kinda slow jam that sounds bass boosted. And then the video once again tacks on another song at the end.
  52. Doja Cat Paints the Town Red
    I still have trouble telling Nicki Minaj and Doja Cat apart at an audio glance whatever that is. A short listen? There must be some other style thing I’m not paying attention to but I’m not some kind of music expert, I just happen to know a weird amount regarding hip-hop during the mid-2000s due to MTV exposure. I couldn’t also figure out if this song was in some recent Trollz movie soundtrack and this was some kinda character song. With lots of swears and references. However it kinda sounds like a song that’s sort of idling to me. And the video is all kinds of weird like ripping eyeballs out and lots of demonic imagery.
  53. Meghan Trainor Would Like To Make You Look
    I still don’t really understand this song. Or a number of this artist’s songs. Meghan Trainor just wants to be looked at? Even with a fully nude ass? Because there’s that song about being all about the ass. Something like booty blasting. Ass blast your ass or something. Engage the mega twerkathon.
  54. The Hardy Boys Make Lainey Wilson Wait In The Truck
    Yay, more sappy country.
  55. All Mariah Carey Wants For Christmas Is You And Your Soul
    Yep. The eternal awakens. Fear the highest pitches and the spirit of winter. Though strangely enough at the moment I’m writing this another Christmas eternal classic has taken the top spot. Maybe this became a little too memed? Even though it’s getting a ton of airplay even on channels that only play a little holiday-type music.
  56. Everything Morgan Wallen Loves
    I would guess that this is slow sappy country and I’d be wrong. It’s much more upbeat and kind of a jam. Nice then. Though it’s more of a breakup kinda thing. Less nice?
  57. Mailing Chemical Through The Post Malone Service
    I see, sorta rhyming “can’t let go” with “chemical”. Also I prefer a Seven Nation Army that couldn’t hold me back as if I Fell In Love With A Girl who had The Hardest Button To Button but rang My Doorbell with a Blue Orchid in hand anticipating the Icky Thump. Why did I just do that.
  58. Lainey Wilson Driving A Heart Like A Truck
    It’s a slow country song of some sort, but what if you have a heart like a truck, but the truck is like a rock? Does that imply a heart of stone?
  59. Going, Going, Gone, Sold To Luke Combs As The Highest Bidder
    Yep, more sappy country.
  60. Brenda Lee is Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree
    For a moment over the holidays, this song usurped Mariah Carey’s icy holiday throne. Maybe people just got tired of one Christmas song and preferred another for a bit. There are only so many after all. It’s like a potentially more grating version of stations that are stuck within a few decades or so because I swear there’s less Christmas songs and more covers of them.
  61. Tyler Hubbard is Dancin’ In The Country
    A boot-scoot-like country-type song though faster than scooting a boot or two. It’s an upbeat type dance floor number which is one of the country types of songs I can get with, and the video features a dance-off with Terry Crews.
  62. David Kushner hiding from the Daylight
    This song sounds bored. Like the song somehow bored itself. Like if someone was singing in their sleep and didn’t quite get the words before going off on a tangent on where to shove all this random fruit. Okay not that exciting. Mainly this song just makes me tired and want to listen to other songs instead of yawning something like this song.
  63. Lift Rihanna Up
    Oh Rihanna is back. Apparently this is from the Black Panther movie I didn’t see yet. It’s a slower song. I guess in a comparison between the other song I know from the other Black Panther movie I did see, I think I’d go with King’s Dead even not counting the memes. But the memes. I gotta go get it times a million before Future eats the super helium and goes SLOB ON ME KNOB. Disney movies.
  64. Eyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyes Closed by Eyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyed Sheeran
    I somewhat recently went on a trip to the Mall of America for the hell of it, mainly I got some extra time off from work to spend so I just went on a “shopping spree” or as much as I could fit in a suitcase alongside whatever clothes I brought. Apparently during the time I was there, Ed Sheeran showed up at the Lego store there for a day and I had no idea because I was just thinking it was a normal crowded weekend at the Lego store so I didn’t really want to go in there anyway because crowds. I did think it was odd to see random signs saying “this is a filming zone” but I’m sure they just always had those around. Long story short it was an eventful trip with all the random things going on. And yes apparently the song Lego House was played there.
    Anyway, this is a song that apparently started as a breakup song and became one about losing loved ones. So no the video is not about Ed Sheeran running into random things while not looking because that would be a bit of a dissonance, but there are giant fuzzy monsters that apparently represent grief. They vanish if you sing at them I guess.
  65. TQG by KGS
    This song is in Spanish. They apparently had to take over every screen in the world to get people to listen to it if the video is anything to go by.
  66. All right let’s get this over with.
    YEEEEEAAAAHHH BOOOOYYYY I TELL YOU WUT IF YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH BEIN SOME KINDA DIRT DRINKIN HIPPIE COMMIE DUMBASS TELLIN ME ABOUT GUNS BOY I KNOW MORE ABOUT GUNS THAN WEED YOU EVER SMOKED YOU COLLEGE ASS BASTARD WHEN YOU’RE SHITTIN ON MY LAWN AND I’M LIKE DAMN THAT’S WHERE I PARKED ALL MY TRACTORS YOU CAN’T BE SHITTIN ON MY TRACTORS BECAUSE THAT’S WHERE I WAS BORN FROM WAS WHEN A GUN HAD SEX WITH A TRACTOR AND YOU CAN’T DISRESPECT MY KFC FLAG BECAUSE KFC MEANS AMERICA AND IF YOU MESS WITH AMERICA YOU MESS WITH THE ARMY AND I AM AN ARMY OF GUN AND IF YOU DON’T VOTE FOR CHEESEBURGER FREEDOM I WILL KICK YOUR ASS BACK TO CHINA WITH MY MONSTER TRACTOR TRUCK TRAILER GUN
    Anyway I’m definitely not a fan of this song. Too… ignorant, to put it lightly.
  67. Tennessee Orange, much like Miami Orange or Mexico Orange, by Megan Moroney
    It’s a slow country song.
  68. Jingle Bell Jingle Bell Jingle Bell Rock by Jingle Bell Helms
    Another Christmas classic that includes all the genres, like Jingle Bell Swing and Jingle Bell Jazz and Jingle Bell Pop and Jingle Bell City Pop and Jingle Bell Lo-Fi and Jingle Bell Noisecore and Jingle Bell Vaporwave and Jingle Bell Chipmunk Nightcore and Jingle Bell Chopped And Screwed and Jingle Bell Tick Tock Edition For Low Attention Spans and so on.
  69. Princess Diana by SpIce and Cardib
    The Spice of Ice is back, this time rapping about a different woman but also not really while also with a different woman who also raps. If they came out with a new movie about Princess Diana, would this be on the soundtrack? Sure why not. Any time there’s a new movie about a historical female figure, get Icy Spicy collabs on the soundtrack. And any time there’s a song named after such, make a movie about the woman in question to use it as the theme song. Which also makes me wonder if they’d ever bring back the Perry Mason show just to use the Ozzy song.
  70. Tomorrow 2 by GloRillaz 2 and Cardib 2
    The return of Cardib. Consecutively. I guess also The Day After Tomorrow was already taken. Anyway why does this song sample Imaginary Foster’s Imaginary Home of Imaginary Friends or however that’s called? It’s like Imaginary Australian for Imaginary Beer. Or how there was that song about Panini from Chowder. I guess we’re just going to have Cartoon Network rap now for random shows that happened. So where are the songs involving Cow and Chicken or Flapjack or Totally Spies or Ed Edd and Eddy? And when will there be a quadrillion songs with Teen Titans GO to represent those times it just completely engulfed the channel outside of Adult Swim hours?
  71. Have A Holly Jolly Chrolly with Burl Ives
    The Christmas continues. I mean it’s a classic, yeah. It’s fine. Just the same as many other Christmas songs, I can only tolerate the onslaught for so long though so best to not overplay it. Unfortunate for those working retail who have to undergo this daily. That and the usual customer mobbing.
  72. Where She Goes, only Bad Bunny knows
    Where she goes again. Drill into my brain. With weed I can’t complain. The sweetness of the thing. I actually don’t really know how that song goes. Anyway this song sounds bass boosted or maybe it’s just my headphones, but I’m fairly sure it’s bass boosted. It’s whatever this genre is. Reggaeton? Not that? I’m not sure.
  73. Bebe Dame by Fuerza Regida and Grupo Frontera
    Another song in Spanish that sounds like it came from the radio. Maybe more so than usual because the recording quality of what I’ve found at least seems rough. Not really a detractor from the song itself though. It’s an all right song.
  74. I Remember Everything except this song from Zach Bryan and Kacey Musgraves and a bunch of other things
    I actually hadn’t heard this song so I couldn’t remember it anyway. It’s not exactly sappy but it’s slow country of a sort. That’s about what I got on this.
  75. I Like You. I DoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo. A Happier Song with Post Cat and Doja Malone
    Still not getting into this one. Just not my type but somehow it stuck around on this list.
  76. What Is It? What It Is. It’s a Block Boy with Doechii and Kodak Black
    This song is Trillville’s Some Cut with less jumping on the bed noises and swapping out feeling around a woman’s intestines with giving out some love. I think. Once again, when pop isn’t country or Christmas it seems to just keep copying itself from before. Like that song higher up the list that draws from Work It somewhat. Or another song that’s pretty much just Freek-A-Leek but has different people on it and isn’t about doing it in random locations.
  77. Nobody Gets SZA
    I don’t think I do either. This is a slow song with an acoustic-backed track and the video doesn’t also just suddenly become another song at the end.
  78. Rich Music North Of Rich Music by Oliver Music Music
    A country song that’s complaining about the man keeping the hard-working American down. Whether that man is some kind of rich jerk or short fat poor citizen, who the hell knows. Of course such an indecisive song would find itself co-opted as the attempted theme song of a nonsense group that the artist outright rejects as well. Anyway, TRACTORS ON YOUR ASS OR SOMETHING I don’t even know.
  79. F-R-E-AK by N-I-C-KI M-I-N-AJ
    Again, the song that’s not about butts but might be. I mean there was already the Anaconda song that sampled the song that sampled the song that this one samples as well so I don’t know. Another Nicki Minaj song should sample this and Anaconda and just become a mess.
  80. Noah Kahan Drunk Dials Post Malone
    I hear this song a bunch and I’m tired of it. It’s not my kind of song. I don’t even know if I’m hearing this version or the solo version. And somehow drunk dialing is like dying for someone? Maybe if they’re also doing other drunk things during. Then maybe it’d be literal.
  81. WHAT WAS I MADE FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR by Billi Illi
    Yep, this is a song by that artist. It’s quiet and somber and sad and sappy kinda and it’s also a Barbie song. To put it into context, this song comes up at a really weird part of the movie. That’s about as much context as I’ll give.
  82. Seven. Seven. Seven! SEVEN! SEVEEEEEN! by Jung Kook and Latto
    Hey look the names are alphabetical order. And so are the days of the week. Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday. Okay those aren’t in alphabetical order but they’re in order. Except this song’s one of those calendars that puts Sunday after Saturday and says the week starts with Monday. It’s still a jam though. And the video features a bunch of things, but at one point it becomes a funeral where Latto does sexy type poses on Jung Kook’s casket, who also comes back from the dead and someone in the audience there just looks exasperated at the whole charade.
  83. W84U by Future and Drake and Tems
    Hey I made pretty much exactly the same song name observation before. Anyway, Saturday night is all right for drunk knight fighting or something or other. Even though I didn’t find this song all right and it’s still just there and not one I look for.
  84. Last Christmas by WHAM!
    Last Christmas I gave you a fart, the very next day you blew me away. These challenges like “Whamageddon” and “ApoCareypse” get harder every year but they’re dumb challenges anyway. Apparently in New Zealand they might try to avoid hearing “Snoopy’s Christmas”, which I did end up hearing during the holidays as I was waking up one morning and it starts with this choir, and when I was just not quite awake yet I was wondering “why is the Choir of God here and what does World War I have to do with this”. And when I looked up that song I was made aware of the song called “Snoopy vs. Osama” where it features Snoopy and “Charlie”, presumably last name Brown, going to the Middle East to hunt down and shoot the face off of Osama. It pretty much sounds like how it would be expected to and is certainly less whimsical than a song about the Christmas Truce.
  85. Parker McCollum’s Handle On You
    Are you a GameCube? Because I got a handle on you. That’s a terrible pickup line. Unless you’re literally picking up a GameCube by the handle. Anyway it’s country-sounding country. Which isn’t a bad thing as it is because it could be poorly attempting to sound like hip-hop if that bro country thing is still going. Just that it sounds like a country song within country songs.
  86. Por Las Noches por Peso Pluma
    When you’re on that Mexican radio but actually hear a song from it instead of singing a weird 80s song. There’s also a remix of this song that adds a woman. That’s pretty much it.
  87. Memory Lane of the Old Dominion
    This video features a train so I just think this sounds like a train song. It’s country of course. For ridin’ those rails through the Old West, or the Old Dominion in this case.
  88. Area Codes by Kaliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
    I got hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooes in different area cooooooooo-- oh FUCK! SHIT! BITCH! Anything that reminds me of that Mo Bamba song where the computer broke halfway through at least has that merit. Otherwise I’m not the most into this one.
  89. Bury Me Inside The Gucci Store In Georgia by Kane Brown
    Some kinda country rock type song about wanting to live and die in Georgia. Sure. But YouTube attempted to auto-suggest “bury me in metal reaction gacha life” and naturally I had to look at this mess. As I should have expected it’s a bunch of anime recreations of Five Nights characters being clip art next to a video of some Five Nights fan song with occasional random visual novel dialogue boxes.
  90. People’s Republic of China by Peso Pluma and Natanael Cano
    Wait a minute this isn’t Chinese. But really, being the outsider I am to this sort of music scene, there’s some… dissonance here? I had to check because the video shows hanging around some kinda drug lab, and the lyrics seem to reference drug trade if the translation is close enough, but the music is that “usual Mexican radio” sound one could say. I just think it’d be funny to just play a bunch of this sort of music at a party where just about nobody suspects anything’s up with the lyrics because they don’t speak Spanish, but it’s the most gangsta shit ever, but you have the few people who actually do understand the language being all like “why are we listening to this”.
  91. What My World Spins Around Is Some Romantic Thing And Family Thing I Guess by Jordan Davis
    It’s a sappy kind of country. Like not the slowest and sappiest but yeah.
  92. Ain’t That Some Morgan Wallen Kinda Song
    Ain’t that some shiiiiiiiiiieeeeet mothafuckas? We talkin’ country and beer and drinkin’ Godjesus and other various terminology. It’s a song about the country life pretty much. Like a lot of country songs can be.
  93. Wild Ass Hair by Corey Kent
    It’s a country song. Um… that’s it.
  94. 🍑🍆💨💦💦👀👄👀💦💦💦💦➡️🤏👶🚫👖➕2️⃣1️⃣😡☠️
    Sorry, I’m not really skilled with modern hieroglyphics or pictographs or whatever. I had to look all those up. Anyway this song keeps going BUH BUH BUH as some attempted onomatopoeia for sex I guess. That or more people are getting hair stuck in their mouths. Competing with Just Wanna Rock in terms of overly repeated mouth noises. But this one doesn’t go DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM beforehand, so I guess it depends on what you want to have, if more or less annoying or funny. Also this song is longer.
  95. Morgan Wallen Wrote The Book On Morgan Wallen Having A Million Songs On This List Despite The List Only Being 100 Songs Long
    A country song, of course, about not writing the Bible but insisting to read it. I think. Maybe in case you need a favor.
  96. BZRP Music Sessions, Volume 53 by Bizarrap and Shakira
    Whatever these “music sessions” are seem to be collabs with whoever shows up on this YouTube channel. It’s a song in Spanish as Shakira tends to do, even if a number of those songs have had English versions made for the English-speaking markets. Apparently this song was also said to “break the internet” like that time one of the Kardashians I think sat on it or whatever that was. Or that time Wreck-It Ralph became every meme.
  97. Travis Scott Melts Down Drake Onto The Burger
    Drake shows up right away with a YUH. It’s rap and it changes a couple times.
  98. Place This Gently Onto The Floor Once More by Latto and Cardib
    Another rap. Welcome to rap city. Rap rap city.
  99. A Vintage Bloody Mary From The Lady Gaga Era
    As I mentioned before, older songs ending up on this list is either due to someone dying or one of those trends those kids do on things, and once again this is the latter. And of course it’s also a sped up version that got traction because these kids and their chipmunk nightcore. Anyway this is a very Lady Gaga song with procedural lyrical delivery and screaming and a lot of bass while also sounding all fancy. And yes this is from the album where Lady Gaga Animorphs into a motorcycle on the cover.
  100. Fermented Watermelon Sugar by Lainey Wilson
    When you can’t afford the strawberry wine so you just make your own. It’s like some kind of afternoon delight. And the sex might be on fire. Though don’t light the fire next to the distillery or else it’ll be a different kind of explosion. As in the kind that’s a fiery explosion of doom and being on fire. So the normal kind of explosion really.

Well, that’s music again. But wait, there’s more, because for some reason I decided to go over some songs that were around more toward this past year for the hell of it, with some coming from a little before since general radio can be a bit slow on the uptake sometimes and I’ve only started getting into the radio again, due to work making me be at work again.

Okay, now that’s music for the year. Put that on some censored album and sell it in a Wal-Mart. Better yet, go to Times Square and then forget why you went there in the first place. I guess we’ll see if there’s even more country or Christmas on the year-end and if they stop counting it in October next time or if everything just blows up in everyone’s face.

(Back to blog index)