It's a place all right.

January 31, 2025 (Originally posted on Neocities)

Finally, My 2024 Billboard Year-End List Review Of Whatever Music Apparently Was

Yeah, I feel like my motivation is dropping a bit on these with regards to the modern everything. Sure, I can still find some interesting enough songs over time and sometimes buried in the lists, but what tops the charts isn’t usually my thing and hasn’t often been such the past several years, like maybe a couple times across all the modern year-ends since I started. Dumping jokes into my stream of consciousness helps a bit. If you wonder what the actual song names are that I’ve obscured with those attempts at jokes, you can look at Billboard or Wikipedia and deal with whatever random popups get in the way of seeing the actual list. Probably money.

  1. Teddy Swims Loses Control But Avoids Drowning
    You’d think with all the country and average pop this year, one of those songs would be up top, but no, this is a bit more interesting and kinda like a lounge-type song or something. While overplaying of course made me lose some interest in this song, it’s still a nice one, though not one I’d listen to often in normal contexts.
  2. Errbody In The Club Gettin’ A Bar Song by Shaboozey, not to be confused with The Music Man song Shipoopi as seen in its entirety in Family Guy
    Teen drinking is very bad. Yo I don’t even need a fake ID though. Because I’m old. Anyway this song’s existence shows how much impact a one-hit wonder kinda deal can have on the music scene. While nowhere near the scale of the Macarena whose impact cannot be understated, the predecessor song simply called Tipsy is memorable and catchy and very of its time. This recontextualizes it as a country kinda song one could scoot their boots to, so to speak.
  3. Benson Boone’s Beautiful Bhings
    I thought this was the Jonas Brothers, or maybe just one of them, or possibly one of the Directions. Anyway it’s a song where the singer keeps going oooooOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and then a window implodes from the sound like that time someone made a map. It’s okay? I guess? I haven’t really listened to it deliberately.
  4. Either Postma Lone was helped by Morlen Walgan or it was the other way around or it’s a mutual thing
    I think the song more has to do with getting to where they were rather than these two top artists needing to collab with each other. It’s an okay song but I’m still not a fan.
  5. Jack Harlow used Love Whip! It’s incredibly vanilla!
    This is a short and catchy rap song about wanting sex but not too weird. By the time you wanna change the channel it’s already pretty much over. It also has spelling because spelling is fun. I just think about what if a rap song had to spell out Mississippi randomly in the middle.
  6. Kendrick Lamar’s War On Drake
    This whole thing was such a major thing, even people who barely know what rap is, beyond guys with funny hats and giant clocks talking over music, heard about it. The long story short is that Kendrick repeatedly insists in the most recent tracks that Drake is a serial sex criminal, and Drake has not really been able to fire back effectively and keeps retracting songs and is now going the way of lawsuits. Apparently this whole thing has had history for over a decade and the victor is practically unanimously decided at this point to be Kendrick. About this particular song that got tons of airplay, there’s a number of things like repeatedly going WAP WAP WAP WAP WAP but not about any kind of pussy except effectively calling Drake one, and also wordplay about the chord A MINOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR in a way that almost makes me think Nicki Minaj’s “Stupid Hoe” would follow it. Aimed at Drake of course. It also feels like the end of the song runs out of steam because it’s just overly repeated lines past a point, like he stopped caring about this thing he started up not too long ago.
  7. Expresso by Sabrina “Not Ariana Grande” Carpenter
    Eventually I figured out this was not an Ariana Grande song, it’s just a similar kinda song at least from what I could tell. Mainly it mentions the Nintendo Switch, at least not claiming it freezes constantly like the Nintendo 64 in another song a while back. That’s about all I got from this. Having to work late from being a singer, then unleashing a fart to let it linger, or whatever the actual lyrics are. Or maybe: the phone is ringing, I cannot linger, so look out butt, here comes my finger. And then, my friend, you die. I wonder if there will be more Beavis and Butt-head episodes yet again, or if they’ll really bring back King of the Hill somehow.
  8. Tommy RICHman having a Million Dollar Baby is like pennies to us commoners
    Another short and catchy rap song. There’s a bit of temporal dissonance or whatnot due to the throwback style and using modern terminology such as “don’t at me”. It’s actually a pretty neat song.
  9. I Remember Everything, Except How This Song Was On Last Year’s List, Or Even Hearing It On The Radio At All
    How is this up here? Must be one of those Tick Tock trends those kids are always up to regardless of how legal it is, whether it’s the app itself or the “rob a bank challenge” or whatever. It’s usually always that. Unless it’s the exact opposite of that somehow and it’s ancient old people on the Facebook being racist as usual, but that seems much less likely here. Even past me was confused at this song’s existence on the last list.
  10. Too Sweet by Hose Of Raw Sugar
    Hozier has returned to the charts, and instead of taking us to church to fall asleep, it’s taking whiskey neat (which means no water, no ice, Fox only, Final Destination), just like at the bowels of the pirate ship in LA or whatever in that one song where the singer got put in a blender before looping. Also this song is too overplayed. It’s okay but I’ve had enough for a while.
  11. Noah Kahan Will Tell You Where You Can Stick Your Season
    It’s a… song. Maybe I just can’t stand this person’s songs for reasons I’m not sure of. That’s the weird thing, it doesn’t seem like it’s overplayed but it’s just not my kinda music I guess. Some kinda folk thing but I’m fine with other folk stuff maybe?
  12. Cruel Summer by Bananarama
    I wish. But no, the Taylor Swift song is back and I’m still not a fan.
  13. Pot of Greed Allows You to Draw Two Tate McRaes from the Billboard Year-End
    I mainly hear this song as ABOWABASELF, GLEEBY DEEBY, and uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh WOOP. It’s short but seems longer than it is. It’s okay, at least I don’t find it too annoying and actually kinda funny.
  14. A Song Like That Other Song I Guess by Future and Metro Boomin and Kendrick Lamar
    Another song involved in the War On Drake because Kendrick Lamar is here to declare being the “big me” over the “big three” as mentioned in a song which will show up later on this list. The backing track intro reminds me a bit of the one on “Money Maker” from Ludacris and Pharrell only with some synth noises instead of the constant orchestral hit. Then there’s this random kid singing something unintelligible in the background that sounds like something about a bus around the way maybe. Also this song apparently had a remix with some collaboration between whatever Kanye West is called now and Ty Dolla Sign in place of Kendrick and I’m not sure why. For starters, that’s excluding the “big me” of rap.
  15. Billies of an Eilish
    I think we’re out of the era where we have to crank up the volume in order to hear this artist’s songs. It’s an okay song but I mostly just hear the theremin-esque noise throughout.
  16. Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please
    The Carpenter of Pop is back with this song. It’s a song. It’s not my type of song.
  17. Doja Cat Has Passed Agora Hills Zone
    Doja Cat asks for your Fortnite skins and V-bucks and whatnot, whether or not there are plans to actually play the game. Skins like Indiana Jones and Goku and some guy from a show that’s popular in a country and Bill Clinton and Stick Figure from those old Flash animations and Family Guy and Frozen Anna Give Birth A Baby and Default Skin and multiple versions of furry bait and Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and Monty Python and the Holy Grail’s Black Knight. And gamemodes like Rocket League and two Legos and Rock Band somehow but probably not the original gamemode it shipped with. It’s like the Dawson’s Creek Trapper Keeper of games in terms of all the crossovers it’s absorbing. Anyway this song is okay I guess.
  18. GOOD FUCKIN’ LUCK, BABE! By Chappell’s Roan
    I wasn’t sure if this was a Taylor Swift song or not, but I suspected not because I thought it was a fine enough song. I didn’t know this song was called what it was because that part of the chorus just sounds like YOO HOO HOO repeatedly. Then the song runs out of batteries at the end like one of those singing fishes that becomes demonic after the batteries run low. Also the video I found is just PowerPoint karaoke with all the random GIFs people would put in those because that was just a thing people did in school PowerPoints. Even I did. I swear there was some kind of meta about maximizing the special effects and transitions in those to end up with the best presentation in class. I think there was a rule about not having a bunch of crazy sound effects though.
  19. SZAturn
    What if all the SZA songs started with S? Sometimes they don’t. Something about living on Saturn, but as it’s a gas giant, it’s more likely to be able to populate one of its moons instead. It’s a sleepy song? I guess?
  20. SnooZA
    Speaking of sleepy songs that start with S from SZA. Also back from the previous list.
  21. Doja Cat Paints It Red
    Speaking of sleepy songs also back from the previous list. Again. Though this time no S and no ZA after that either. I keep thinking it’s going to go into the line “looking for a piece of that bubble” from “Baby Got Back”. I found a single version of that song on a CD recently, and it turns out there’s a version of the song where Sir Mix-A-Lot says the fuck word. And also a bunch of weird remixes, like this Mortal Kombat-sounding “Tekno-Metal” thing. Mortal Kombass.
  22. Taylor Swift and Postman Lone skins now available in Fortnight
    It’s an okay song I guess, at least the backing track. Not so much a fan of the lyrical delivery. It’s a weird video where they typewrite at each other to make colored fart clouds combine into a nuclear explosion, also other stuff. Also, through the backing track, I was reminded of another song called “Washing Machine Heart” by Mitski, which is a pretty cool song, also with a weird video.
  23. NASCAR by Luke Combs
    Still a faithful cover that didn’t turn it into NASCAR thankfully. Good song but not quite my thing.
  24. Tyla Water Has Real Tyla-nicity
    It’s an all right song, kind of a jam actually. A low key kinda jam though. Not quite lo-fi. But plenty of product placement for some random drink or flavored water thing. I just stick to regular water.
  25. Sabrinas of a Carpenter
    A song about how good it is to drop someone out of one’s life. Sure. It’s an okay song about catharsis or something.
  26. Ariana Grande Can’t Be Friends
    This is an Ariana Grande song. It sounds like an Ariana Grande song. The video is about Eternal Sunshine. I haven’t seen that movie. I’m not into this song.
  27. Austin Dasha
    A bit of a country jam. For some reason in part of the chorus I’m reminded of the “DotA” song from Basshunter, or its de-nerded version “All I Ever Wanted” because that was apparently a thing when they did the English versions.
  28. Last List by Morgan Wallen
    Yeah, the top song from last year’s list is still something I’m not a fan of.
  29. Ernest Goes To Cowgirls by Morgan Wallen
    Oh it’s one of those country songs where they made it all hippity-hoppity. But at least not acting too much like trying to be hip-hop like the kids like. Still, not my kinda thing.
  30. Pink Skies At Night, Zach Bryan’s Delight
    Some kinda folk country sounding thing? I guess. I don’t know about this one.
  31. Thinkin’ ‘Bout Morgan Wallen
    Also thinking about how this is on the last list.
  32. Not Texas Hold ‘Em by Yes Beyoncé
    If this ain’t Texas, and this ain’t Hold ‘Em, then what is it? WHAT IS IT????? Could be one of those songs that just has no title and isn’t even “Untitled”, it’s just completely blank. Either way this is Beyoncé’s country phase. Which so far that’s been interesting at least. Before it was house music. I wonder if grindcore will be next. There might be a way to make that work. I couldn’t say how though.
  33. Is It Over Now, Taylor Swift?
    I doubt it. The Swift songs keep coming. And this song keeps screaming randomly. And I keep not being a fan of these songs really.
  34. Marshmellow On It And So Is Kane Brown
    No thanks, I’ll pass. Not a fan of this kind of country or EDM and especially not together. I don’t dislike country or techno type stuff entirely, it’s just that there’s a lot I’m not a fan of in both genres and this one just sounds like a bland combination of that.
  35. Taylor Swift Can Do It With A Broken Heart In A Box With A Fox In Socks In Fort Knox
    Yep. This is a song. It’s a song. I can’t say much else because I don’t really care for it.
  36. HEYAHURDYUWERA Wild Ones by Jelly Jessie Murph Roll
    As much as I’ve said about country and rap being difficult to mix well at least in my opinion and being one of my least favorite “things”, this one at least seems to play to the strengths somewhat, so I’d say this one’s all right, but still not something I’d really listen to.
  37. Ain’t No Love In Oklahoma, Just Corn And Luke Combs, Also F10 Mach 20 Tornadoes
    This is apparently a song from one of those movies that got an inevitable decades-later sequel, Twister But Now There’s More Than One or something. It’s an all right country song, but I’m not sure how well the movie holds up since I don’t plan to see it. It’s probably horrendously inaccurate though in terms of weather. Which might make it funny. Let’s see the F20 tornado pull down an asteroid the size of the sun and then someone just deflects it with twerk wind. If you’re gonna be inaccurate with a disaster movie, go all out. That’s what Sharknado did. For way too many sequels.
  38. Carnival Games For $120 And Win A Plain White T-Shirt To Go With Those Bootleg Yeezys
    Here’s rapping over football soccer crowd chants I guess. I don’t even know. I also didn’t realize a certain rapper in this was still relevant for making music instead of just being absolutely psychotic until seeing the list.
  39. Houdini by Not Dua Lipa
    Here’s Eminem once again looking for relevancy outside of memes and old singles, and to see if the radio that usually sticks to those singles would pick this one up eventually. I’ve rarely heard this one recently, while doing the usual skimming over the top 4 pop stations at work, so it didn’t seem to stick as much, though out of all the songs from this album, this one at least got airplay that I know of because I don’t even know what the other songs are. This song is essentially just taking the classic controversial Slim Shady persona behind several of those prior hits and turning that into someone who just summarizes all of the angry old people Facebook comments of the modern age, so it’s not like this is really anything new now. Long story short, when everyone’s being some bitter asshole and trying to offend everyone else just by being an asshole to everyone no matter what, it’s much less controversial by comparison. It’s less Slim Shady and more boomer memes using a blurry picture of Eminem from Google Images as a background, with incorrectly cropped and typo-filled text blaming liberals for everything wrong because women don’t live in the kitchen. It seems to be more self-parody than actual thoughts, because Slim Shady’s insults also extend to Eminem’s own offspring, so that’s clearly taking the piss, unless somehow the beloved daughter across much of his discography is somehow now an actual target of disdain, but then again, teenagers. Plus for whatever reason the song bootlegs off of both “Without Me” as well as “Abracadabra”, the latter being that song where it usually says something about reaching out and performing a grope. That’s a weird song as-is. I tend to replace the latter part of that chorus with “I’m gonna grab on them boobies” in my mind because it doesn’t seem any less awkward.
  40. Really Really Really Wanna Zig-A-Zig Uh by GloRilLa and MeGan StalLiOn
    How do people handle fingernails that long? I know I’ve seen longer because I’ve seen the whole Guinness Records thing but I don’t know. I prefer to keep things trimmed. Anyway this is a song that’s a lot like other Megan Horse songs with the heavy beat and the booty shaking. That’s all right by me. And I’m not just saying that because I want to avoid being body horrored. I say more twerkathons, for charity even. The fund to shake ass and kick ass or something.
  41. Slow It Down, Benson Boone.
    I slowed this one down because it said to. It was already kinda slow. But I definitely don’t want to listen to this one for 12 minutes straight so never mind. Sounds like one of those songs from one of the Multiple Directioners, and go figure I mentioned that sorta thing earlier with this artist. I don’t know about this one.
  42. egavaS 12 yb murdeR
    The video’s all like OI M8 WE GONNA SHOW YA REAL ENGLAND RIGHT YA FOOKIN TWAT AND SHOVE THAT UP YER BUMARSE WIF A PUDDIN and then it becomes rap over some opera song thing. Sure then.
  43. Houdini by Not Eminem
    When I heard this song, I was for whatever reason thinking of the song parodies in the dance section of Kinect Star Wars, and how this would be the Jawas shouting “Utinni” or whatever. They should make another Kinect Star Wars, or at least another Star Wars Dance thing where Han Solo dabs while it says words over everyone’s crotches. Maybe make that for the Switch 2 or something. This song’s okay but I’ve heard better from this artist, and this album was apparently fairly lacking comparatively. On the other hand, I also found a song called Houdini by Foster The People, and that one’s pretty good. Turns out they did songs other than that one about pumping up shoes while pumping shotguns and also that one about sitting next to people.
  44. YEAH! GLORILLA! WOOO! I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M CHEERING!
    Honestly if someone’s gonna do a rap about bragging, they should hype up their own name in the song, including the title. That bit alone at least makes me think a bit more of this one. Next step would be to make a whole album of songs doing that, then name the album something like “(rapper name) is great” or whatever.
  45. Wealthy Infant Father by Drake and Sexyy Redd and SZA
    It’s that song where the listener is instructed to shake their ass specifically for Drake with hands on knees. That’s all I know this song for. And apparently the music video is about an actual baby being born. Also this doesn’t seem to be about the feud thing. That was more Kendrick’s thing.
  46. WHAT AM I FIGHTING FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR
    I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE TO FILL YOUR DARK SOUL WITH LiGHT Also apparently a meow instrument cover of this has been posted over “AI slop” sad cartoon cats “stories”. If those are anything like the previous bootleg channels I’ve seen for supposed kids cartoons, they probably inevitably get in murder fights and then piss in the bathtub.
  47. IT’S NOT THE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEND IT’S THE BEGINNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING
    Something about how you can take the man out of the city but you can’t make him drink, he already drives himself to that. Or hitchhikes. One of those slower indie-type songs. It’s okay.
  48. Billunch Eilunch
    A song about eating out. At a fancy restaurant. In bed. One of those weird bedstaurants that’s also some kinda molecular gastronomic kinda things that’s blowing up all over the social medias between all the generated images suggested as real and the everything else wrong with social media. But mainly this song’s about a girl’s desire for girl on girl action. Talking about a whole punani sandwich for an afternoon delight. Dumbass old fucks be all like “this song is nasty, they should ban it so my made-up children can grow up in North Korea” and then try to look up girl on girl porn, but have to submit to some kinda DNA test to make sure they’re ancient enough to watch ultraporn, but then Megan Thee Stallion’s whole crew twerks at them and their mouth is surgically altered into a vagina.
  49. Flo Milli Don’t Lose That Number
    I haven’t really seen grill bling in a while. It was pretty big before to having the whole teeth covered by these inserts and there was that song called “Grillz” all about it. Anyway this song’s all right though not one I really get into.
  50. Lies Lies Lies by Morgan Wallen Wallen Wallen
    Sappy sappy sappy country. Instead get the bags that are Hefty Hefty Hefty.
  51. Shit. There, I typed it. By Future Metro Boomin Travis Scott Playboi Carti
    Church bells are broken so they rap over it. They rhyme “type shit” with “type shit” many times over.
  52. No Items, Gata Only, Final Destination by FloyyMenor and Cris MJ
    I’ve seen weirder artist names, for instance Beebeedooboodeebee or however that’s spelled. And yes these are some young’uns given those names. Without having to prefix “lil” or the Spanish equivalent of such.
  53. HOTOGO by CHAPELRON
    This almost sounds like it’s spelling “hot dogo”. It’s mainly just okay I think.
  54. THE CALL OF THE UNTHAWED
    EVERY YEAR S̷͎̘̳̖̠̗͓̱͍̬̺̽̅̍̚͜͝Ḫ̶̹̪̂̐̀͗͌Ȩ̵̫̬͖͓͙͚͂̂̉̉ ̸̛̛͈̖̻̙͓̲̹͓̻̠͎̳̠͓͉̞̺̬̞̑̿̌̓̎̎̃̾̐̀̒͂̓́͝C̶̛̹̥͌̃́͆̓͊͐͜͝O̶̢̰͓͈̙̳̲̳͖̠̲̼̗͓̲̘̲͍̍̆̐̎̏͂͐̆̍̓̍͘͜͜͠M̷̼͔̟̖̗̪̥͇͎͙͇̊̋̊͝ͅȨ̸̢̫̜̼̜̭͔͚͙͇̠͖̠̜͇̦̩̿̀̕ͅS̸̯͚̽̏͋̽͐̎͊͌̅̆̋̈́͗͌͗̀̓̈́͛̕͘͝ AND BRINGS C̸̡̨̨̨̗̫̯̪͇̪̙̹̤͚̬͗̈́̒̍̅̐̎̽̄̚̚̕̚͜H̴͖̫̠̆̅̓̀Ŗ̶̥̰̲͈̣̥͕͚̠̗̩̖̈́̾͗̏̈̿̑̄͛͒̊́̅̅͝Í̷̡̖̻̰̹̺͊̓͐͛̈́̀͐̑͂͐̚͜ͅͅS̸̡̛͙͎̗͇̼̣͚̳̗̋́́͒̂́̈́͒̑̃̓͗̚͘͝ͅȚ̸̛̲̖͓͔̩͉͍̗̰̳̗̳̾̿̈́͆̈́̎̔̈́̏̐̐͐̇͘͝͝M̴̢̧̩͇̙̘̯̟̳͕͕͙̦͈̫͙̀̃̅͗̅̎͑̚͜͝A̴̛̼̫̭̥͇̹̺͔͔̬̘̠͙̍̈͑̐̎́̌͝S̸̢̢̩͉̗̫͚̦̗̫̪͈̮̒͊͒͂̽̈̚͝͠ ̵̤̹̼͙̬̫͖̥͇̌̌̍̚C̸̘͓̻̝͕̬̬̞̜̰͙̩̼̗̉̇̂͐͊͜ͅH̷͚͕̺̗̳̙̥̮͙͖̋̄̇̊̂̍̀̆̈́Ë̶̡̳̙̣̙̺͚͔̭̪͙̼͇̬̘̠́̉͑̎̆̈́͘̚Ȩ̸̲̥̮̟̱̖̩͇̻̤̉̅́̔ͅR̷̡̟̭̼̟̣̺͓͔̥̠̤̤̙̬͆̂̿̽͒̓̃̒̽̈͒̕ AND H̵̫͈͉̦̝̣͖͓̦͉̹́́̀͆̏̇̓̋͛͐̐͗̄͘͝͝͝İ̸͕̫̯̙̑̂̽́̈́̒̄́̓͋͆̄̎̚̕͝G̸̞͋̓͐́̂͑̀͒̽̑̕͝Ḩ̴̨͚̮͉̜̻̟̞̻̠͙̾̃͆̍̐͑̉̾̅̌̍ ̶̢̱͈̲͓̫̼̩̺̳̳̫͓̫̒̈̉͛̃͘̕̕͝P̷̜̦͉̻̫̦͓͍̖̑͗̆I̵̢͌̉̀̐̏͊͘͜͠T̸̨̡̟̟̹̟͚̦̤͗̒̈́͊̒̄̈́͝͝ͅC̵̛̗̲̰͍͚̱̮̗̓̅́̊͂̚͠Ḧ̷̙̦͉͇̹̘͙̘̺̳͠Ë̴̢̛̻̜̪͎́̐̽̒͛͂̋̑̈̒̔̒̚D̴̛͉̈́̄̏̾͛ ̴̬̯͈̪̙̹̖̤͕̪͓̠͐͊̊͐̿̕N̶͍̘̱͕̹̯̯̳̼͕̙̈̀́͂ͅO̴͙̗͔͉̟͓̞͚̝̗̿͒̋ͅͅT̷̡̬̠͈̫̤̻̞̰̞̠̬̞̪̼̗̱̏̒̀͊͒E̶̡̧̡̢̬͉̫̟̜̱͚̯̠̓̃͐̂͘Ŝ̷͍̹̞̗̲̘̓̑̿̒̔̂͂͘̕͝ͅ TO US ALL
  55. Get It Sexyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy by Sexyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Redddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
    So that’s where Soulja Boy went. This song is absurd and the video more so. You ever smoke so much super weed that the DVD logo hits the corner and becomes Soulja Boy who gives you glasses, then confuse a small pie for a rapper’s thicc booty ass while jerking in the kitchen?
  56. Made For Muni Long
    In the case of the video, literally. Making some kinda cyborg or robot guy to date with who’s kinda got the half skin half robot look going on. I mean if I was making my ideal robot partner they wouldn’t be nearly as human by a wide margin. Humanoid shaped-esque, maybe, but not going for that whole trying to look just like a human look. That’s just me though, and it’s not an uncommon sentiment so I’ve seen. Like that meme about “they made a robot you can fuck, but it’s a hyper realistic sex boobs girl silicone sorta deal, so I shall die unfulfilled”. And then while I was in Japan going into random stores, I saw a sex doll in a shop that was straight-up a whole furry avatar, not too far from the one that was anime with omega boobs. Anyway this is some kinda slow jam R&B thing.
  57. Goddamn Vampire by Olivia Rodrigo
    Big fucker, Mark Zucker, bleeding people dry like a data vampire. The alternate parody lyrics are something all right, and not the ones I kinda made up there, some of those are real.
  58. Whatever She Wants From Bryson Tiller, I Don’t Know
    A rap song that initially sounds like banging around in the kitchen in the next room over. At least this rapper is dressed up well for winter, whatever the actual reason for wearing the mask. Maybe it was just cold in the studio. Maybe superpowers for being able to carry all those shopping bags.
  59. Rockin’ Around The Brenda Lee
    The last part of this song almost sounds like it gets stuck. And it’s hard to tell if it’s a guitar being loud or someone screaming “oh no” repeatedly. Another holiday classic that’s forever on these lists.
  60. Tiny Beautiful Venom by Warren Zeiders
    A country song, specifically a slower one about a girl because yeah. That’s about it.
  61. FPS by Dr. J. Cole and Mr. Drake
    The apparent first shot that I know of to heat up the War On Drake this year, where the inciting lyric involves declaring the two on this track in addition to Kendrick are the “big three” of rap, which was later refuted by Kendrick being the “big me” in a song mentioned above. Also “Big Me” is a Foo Fighters song. The music video for that is a string of Mentos commercial parodies.
  62. Smile With A Die by Lady Venus and Bruno Mars
    This song is not about Joker venom, but it’s a ballad of sorts. It’s an all right song. I’ll mention again that I’ve noticed whenever Gaga collabs with another artist, it’s usually more the other artist’s song style taking over, and this is clearly a Bruno Mars song featuring Gaga. One exception is “Telephone” which seems to be equally a Gaga and Beyoncé song. Now that song’s a real banger.
  63. I Like The Way (Uh Huh Uh Huh) You Kiss Me (Uh Huh Uh Huh) by Artemas
    Some kinda dark technologic sorta deal here. Pretty good jam. Don’t think I’ve heard this one on the radio but I’d probably listen to the kind of station that would play this.
  64. Jelly Roll Needs A Favor
    This song’s back. Still fine.
  65. WAKE ME UP. CAN’T WAKE UP. SAVE ME. by Jelly Roll and Lainey Wilson
    It’s slow country, in contrast with the Evanescence song. And then apparently Eminem got involved with another version of this song called “Somebody Save Me”. Maybe he needs a doctor. Dre.
  66. Kendrick Lamar’s Euphoria
    In the War On Drake, this was apparently partly in response to a song where Drake used the power of AI slop to summon the hologram of Tupac Shakur to taunt Kendrick to make another track against Drake. In all honesty Drake didn’t need to incur the wrath of the spirits and legal estates of the dead to have that happen, or bother generating a verse in the voice of the still-living Snoop Dogg either. In fact I think Drake having to generate his own collab is enough of a self-own, and yet Kendrick made this song happen anyway because Drake disses were in, by his own verse-spitting.
  67. Two Trucks Hardy Bed
    Some country trap attempt that furthers the stereotype of rednecks habitually sleeping in the back of the truck while drunk and getting doors knocked up. That’s the kind of thing I make up when I go all YEAH BOY WE GONNA SLEEP IN THE TRUCK THEN WE GONNA SLEEP WITH THE TRUCK THEN WE GONNA GET IN THE TRACTOR FOR SOME TRUCKIN’ AND SUCKIN’ I TELL YOU WUT BOYYYYYY NOW FETCH ME THAT MOONSHINE SO I CAN MAKE YOU A SISTER BRIDE WITH THIS HERE DOOR
  68. Jingle Bell Jingle Helms Bobby Helms Rock
    This was in the exact same spot in the last list. The eternal rock spot.
  69. Nice Flowers by Miley Cyrus
    If you’re gonna buy your own flowers, try to time it to outside of the peak holidays where the prices get jacked up in order to take advantage of the last minute husband crowd. Maybe take up gardening.
  70. Where The Wild Things Are, As Read By Luke Combs
    This guy probably doesn’t even have the book pulled up on his phone, as this is a slow country song about a brother who died, going by the lyrics I found. I don’t see that in the book. I didn’t see the movie either. Also Metallica did a song named like the book and it’s about war or something instead. And it’s not the one about DARKNESS IMPRISONING ME.
  71. Everybody, But Especially Nicki Minaj And Small Upright Gun
    This is a rap over the sampled song “Move Your Feet” by Junior Senior which is old enough to be sampled in a rap song, given it’s over two decades old now. And yet a recent car commercial apparently sampled the source song rather than this rap version. I prefer the original too. It’s a great song. It also has a really tiny resolution music video, as in if you find the actual source video it’s the same postage stamp size we’d see in web videos back in the dial-up days.
  72. La Diabla por Xavi
    All right now this is a jam. The music video initially looks like it’s gonna be some kinda inaudible mumble trap thing but this is some good Mexican guitar and singing going on here. Those regional Mexican stations in between the ones folks are usually trying to tune into can hold some good stuff.
  73. Myles “Stargazing” Smith
    This is a pretty good song in the genre of… nice folk-ish guitar kinda songs? And in general. Though it’s been played a lot on some channels I listen to so I might want a cooloff period on it.
  74. Last Whamageddon
    Last Christmas, I gave you a fart. The very next day, you blew me away. I think I did the same joke last time. Yes I did. Also an anecdote about “Snoopy vs. Osama”. Which is still a song that exists.
  75. I’m Not Okay by Jelly “Not MCR” Roll
    That one picture where it says “I’M OK” on one side but then it says “I’M NOT OKAY” on the other side and it’s a picture of Jelly Roll. I don’t know, I’m short on ideas for this one.
  76. Pour A Drink On Me by Blake Shelton’s Post-Malone Era
    Before, country wanted to be pop rap trap, and now everyone from those wants to be country. Just to fit in I guess. At least someone go do bluegrass. That’s probably more fitting, but also more fun.
  77. Don’t Ride The White Horse by Staple Christon
    This time the horse isn’t apparently representative of drugs, nor any subsequent pony. It’s more like an actual horse, like “Puff the Magic Dragon” being about a dragon.
  78. Small Ghost Object by Paull Russsellll
    It’s a rap version of that one song I forgot the name of. “Best of My Love” apparently. It’s all right. It’s also short so it doesn’t overstay its welcome in the decreasing attention spans of the youth or something.
  79. Good Good by by Usher Usher Summer Summer 21 21
    Usher still sure sounds like Usher. Also when looking this up, apparently Good Good is also the name of some kinda golfing YouTube channel. With all the same kinda wanting to do a bunch of stunts like you’d expect from a YouTube channel.
  80. Act 8: D8 8 M8 by 8Batz and Dr8
    It’s one of those songs that starts as one song and then Drake shows up so they have to make it slower. Once again I have to mention I’m not a fan of Drake songs. And the original version of this I’m not exactly a fan of either since it’s just not my thing.
  81. High Microphone by Koe Wetzel and Jessie Pretzel
    It’s a country duet thing. I don’t know why I’m entertained by how one microphone is noticeably higher than the other by like a foot, like one of those memes about how to talk to short people. Maybe because I’m just tired right now or maybe because I’m not entirely being pulled in by the song, which seems okay.
  82. Monaco: What’s Bad Is Bunny
    Trap rap en Español. Sure.
  83. I Don’t Give A Laughing My Fucking Ass Off by Drake and YeeeeeEEEEAAAAAT?!?
    The song is interesting before it becomes rap. Then it’s just “insert song title here regarding my thoughts”. For those interested only in the first part of the song, it’s a late 1970s jazz thing called “The Tunnel” by Azimuth. And like jazz can get it’s a 9 minute long thing. I’ll take a long ambient jazz thing over a short Drake song anytime, so once again the most interesting thing I find about Drake songs is when Drake isn’t there.
  84. BURN TO THE GROUND by Parker McCollum
    Would you prefer this country song about burning things down or something, or 10 minutes of fighting Flame Hyenard at 200% volume? This song’s okay I guess, though not my style, but I feel a lot would probably pick the former. However if you’re picking something to blast from a car’s sound system I suggest the latter.
  85. Gunna, Fukumean that Fukumean was on the last list?
    Again with the fake VHS attempt with all the booty jiggling and the EYUH. Shitting on all the little turds as well. How did I miss that golden line the first time? Must have been already too tired, yet I’m even more so now.
  86. The Taste Of A Carpenter
    It’s weird entering the search “taste sabrina carpenter”, a bit like “mount wario”. It’s a song similar to ones I’ve heard before that are like “I hope he’s still thinking of me when he’s doing you” or whatever but this time it’s about tasting. And the video has graphic violence depicting the singer and another woman having a death battle then bonding over the boyfriend’s death. The song’s fine.
  87. Where This Song Ends by Bailey Zimmerman
    Country song about breakups. Why was one of the results about this song for one hour? I don’t think I’d want to put this on for one hour straight and I’m not sure who would.
  88. FTCU by NKMJ
    As the constantly repeating sample clarifies, this stands for “fuck this club up”. Then someone just screams FUCKER or BAKA or something, maybe FLOCKA because it’s that guy. Okay then. It doesn’t even sound clipped in well so it’s just a bit annoying, but if you want Waka Flocka samples on loop weirdly then find the Pac-Man version. Then there’s rap and that’s about it.
  89. Billieflower
    It’s a song by the eyelash. Yeah. It’s a song. It’s fine.
  90. My world’s on fire, how about yours, Nate Smith?
    Country love song. Not the sappiest but sure. It’s not really the way I like it so I think I’m just bored.
  91. Yo Mama by Victoria Monét
    Another song. Wow I’m good at this, I just describe that a song is a song because I don’t know, it’s fine.
  92. Ye, Sand by Arande Griana
    A song about sand. No wait it’s about something else. I can’t remember what song this sounds like to me but I don’t think it was “Vogue” like the page says. Something from a movie maybe.
  93. All My Exes Live In Texas McRae
    No “oh”s here. Just whatever this genre is.
  94. A Burly Ivesy Christmas
    Well this holiday classic almost dropped off the chart. People seem to prefer newer and countrier music this time.
  95. Wind Up Missin’ More Wet Tucker
    Did you guess more sappy country? Because it’s not like that’s exactly hard to guess, I just looked at the name and was like “this is probably sappy country” and yep, it didn’t turn out to be a surprise Spanish jam.
  96. Bulletproof by Not La Roux, Citizen Way, Godsmack, David Guetta, Sia, Or Jamie Fine
    Yeah, the Nate Smith version. Out of all of these, the La Roux one is what I think of first, partly thanks to a weird Team Fortress 2 version, and one of those other songs is some kinda Christian disco-esque thing.
  97. Fe!n by Tr!t and Pl!i
    I was seeing if this was some weird equation so I went to Wolfram Alpha and it just started telling me about neutrons. Apparently “fein” is some terminology about a drug addict. It’s more like SPEEN because the video is just constantly doing that. It’s some kinda rap over a wacky Casio chord beat.
  98. The Painter by The Country Singer
    Sappy country song again. Also when I looked this up another result was “the painter analog horror”. Apparently that’s considered one of the worse stories according to all the videos that showed up. But imagine some kinda sappy country song dedicated to Spooky Johnson of Creepypasta And Pizza To Go, like what would that even be. Just having one of these love songs be like “yes I love how your skin is melting and the skeleton come out and the lawn has so many bent corpses and the neighbors are asking questions but I’m just like damn horrific entity you fine even though all I hear now are the screams of the damned”.
  99. Down! Bad Dog, Bad!
    Why is the intro and throughout eating an electric toothbrush in the left ear. Taylor Swift toothbrushing AMSR or whatever. I don’t think I’ve heard this one being overplayed on the pop stations.
  100. Dua Lipa The Night
    From last year’s list and Barbie Bhe Balbum from Barbie Bhe Bovie, it’s the one song that got played a bunch, more so than the Barbie Girl remix thing. But of course “What Was I Made For” charted highest on this list. Maybe because of the meow versions, I don’t know how these music stats work. There was that one time where a literal baby song was on the chart because people left their kids on YouTube.

Well that sure was a bunch of songs. It took me a while to be motivated to finish this list up, even though there were some interesting songs I did encounter closer toward the end there. As for the new list for the end of this year, provided we manage to get to that point, I’m not sure how motivated I’ll be to do that. But I guess for the end here, I’ll once again mention a few songs I heard that weren’t on this list and I don’t exactly anticipate being on the next one.

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