Robot Hats


Yes, robots should wear hats if they want. But that’s not what this post is about, otherwise it’d be that short. Apparently they’re still planning to make an Overwatch 2, and a major change they’re adding for their transforming tank robot with a bird is to give a hat to the robot, in addition to just chibifying the design a little more. That goes differently from the changes I expected, which was just outright removal, since I thought everyone hated that robot and instead just played as spider lady, gamer lady, box art lady, and winter coat lady that people want to associate with Hong Kong because ActiBlizzard doesn’t seem to want to. Also they did other gameplay stuff, like apparently not make the tank robot become a tank, but since I won’t be playing the game, that doesn’t matter so much. Long story short, if Overwatch was a lot more like Team Fortress 2, another game all about hats, and ActiBlizzard wasn’t a horrible subsidiary that also still hasn’t managed to break the streak of making games that don’t hold my interest, maybe I’d consider playing.

Still, yes, ActiBlizzard and Activision itself proper are very improper and terrible. Other people have covered their crimes better than I possibly could, as long as the coverage didn’t suddenly shift back to full marketing mode as expected. As someone who’s not a Blizzard games fan, and yes I have given a couple games of theirs a try previously to be sure of it, I could certainly provide a non-neutral stance against ActiBlizzard. Not to mention that if that part of Activision falls far enough, they’re getting sucked into the Call of Duty machine like every other studio the parent company absorbed. It would be a fitting punishment if the crimes weren’t coming from the entirety of Activision, so maybe a more fitting punishment is all the CEOs and other suits having to hand-code accounting software with pen and paper.

There are robot hats in other games I’ve actually had fun with, though. Fallout 4, while being questionable as a Fallout game and still managing to have some aspects of interest, allows putting very specific hats on very specific robots. It’s a start at least. That’s where mods come in, as usual, to allow putting more hats on more robots and also dogs. And then add robot dogs because mods. And those can probably wear hats. Of course what set off a whole tangent about robot hats even further back was Portal 2. For whatever reason they added a cosmetic shop for the co-op part of the game, which includes hats, and the ability to bring in specific Team Fortress 2 hats from the inventory into the game. There are also the cosmetics specific to Portal 2 as well, as well as gestures, which TF2 also got. However, Portal 2 being a good game, the weird things like the cosmetic shop and the random promo for some movie tend to be overlooked I guess.

Of course as someone who goes around as a robot, I have come up with various hats to wear, and still have more ideas on the side. Really, anything that fits on a robot to make one cuter. Even overall outfits. Hats are probably easier since clothes take more custom tailoring. Plus, clothes probably shouldn’t block important vents or exhaust or thruster areas, since that could cause overheating and fires. Also try to keep it away from active mechanisms that could catch and rip material and possibly get it dirty with lubricant. Clothes are probably more recommended for robots with more full casing than just being draped over a framework.

Also, skins in games are a conflict. Sometimes they’re just great and cute and fun but the game they’re in is something I don’t want to touch or buy skins in. Pokémon Unite, while lacking in robots, is a MOBA, and I don’t do MOBAs. Not to mention mobile game ported to Switch while also being ported from it and run by a certain Chinese supermegacorp that has way too many fingers in things, and that’s trouble no matter the home country. But they came up with so many fun outfits for the monsters so far and it’s literally the only thing I look for if anything comes up about that game, and I respect those who go into the files to find the fun model data so we can enjoy it without paying into a predatory typical free-to-play system, or “free-to-start” as Nintendo insists on calling it. If only we could pay the artists directly for some weirdly focused activity about monster dress-up and skip the pay-to-win thing. Similar thing could be said about the music industry.