2018 Year End List Of Crap I Wrote About Garbage But Not The Band From The 90s
This was a year. I'm glad at least Smash can happen this year because otherwise there's not a lot else I'm digging. Especially not the music scene. As someone who listens to the radio a lot at work, I find myself sticking a lot more to older channels outside of rock and indie ones. I can tell you, good music did happen here. The thing is it didn't really happen much on the pop charts. Here's some chart, now I'm going to yell at it.
- God's Plan by Drake
Oh boy it's that guy whose album I reviewed once and it turned out my most favorite song on it didn't even have much of him on it at all. The video for this is about how he helps people, which is nice. I'm just not a fan of his music. His rap or sing or sing rap and such. Although if he just messes with drum machines or just has other people make songs it can be okay.
- Perfect by Ed Sheeran
I can tell you this isn't perfect. I can also tell you don't trust a perfect person and don't trust a song that's flawless. If only they were on this list. I'm starting to see how My Blood is catchy. Anyway on this song, which starts like Amazing Grace, Ed Sheeran talks about carrying children, perhaps in a wheelbarrow. Then in one version he sings to Beyonce. That's about it. It makes me want to change the channel. Or go for a ride in a wheelbarrow. Though I should stay in my lane if I do that. Or else I'll crash into a ditch. Just playing.
- Meant To Be by Beeb Rehax and I Don't Want To Live In Either Florida Or Georgia
In this song that barely sounds like a bootleg of Bicycle Race, which this one time I heard this weird European sort of techno remix with this lady singing, it's some sort of pop country thingy. Go figure country somehow ranks this high on the year end, but only on a technicality because this really is just pop. I could also fart on an autotune and make millions if I had the right sales pitch. I might just need some metal bees. All I know is that there's these farting Halloween techno dance mix albums for some reason and why didn't they end up on here?
It's this song. It talks about Havana. Nanananana. Katamari Damacy. The remake is coming out on Switch soon. However it's at the same time as Smash. Good luck with that, but I do recommend checking out some type of Katamari Damacy. Even We ♥ Katamari, the sequel. Maybe others. I still recommend the first.
- Rockstar by Nickelback
I feel that people generally hating on Nickelback is mostly due to the memes and also the lead singer's name and appearance. Definitely a Chad Kroeuoarger or however that's spelled. Anyway some rappers did a terrible cover of it and that's all you really need to know. For some reason the video was made really violent but if they just recolored the blood bright pink it'd be okay for the kids. Also if they removed most of the song because if you hear this on the radio it goes something like "I been I been I been I been I been rockstar". Anyway, about Red Dead Redemption 2, I forgot that game was coming out until it did, and hopefully they don't mess up the online like companies tend to mess up the online including Rockstar. Though whatever happens I'm still not really interested, even if they do a PC version after the PS5 comes out.
- Psycho by Alfred Hitchcock
I still actually haven't seen this movie, I mainly know about how some lady gets stabbed and it plays that one song. That song should be on here. Not this rap type thing. Whatever the hell this genre is. I'm just going to call it crap. It's like rap, but not, but mainly it's crap. Too many people have Soundcloud and they're not making enough weird joke songs. I also thought they were going to make the site go bankrupt but I guess they decided to not. Wait how is the first line a Fallout reference of all things? A weird one at that. If he makes a song about Fallout 76 it might not download all the way and anyone who listens to it might clip through the ground. Also their bags will become paper bags. Full of drugs. Illegal drugs.
- I Don't Like It by Cardib and Evil Bunny and whoever J Balvin is
You know how people just bootleg older songs to make them worse? This is one of them. It's like Anaconda but without the fun of Nicki Minaj yelling at skinny bitches for an hour straight while Drake is bored. The weird thing is, for whatever reason, Cardib and Nicki Minaj are in some giant fight for some reason. Wait, that's not weird, that's just normal things famous people do. Along with rappers.
- The Middle by Malcolm In
Take a seat. More like TAKE A PISS. This is one of those kinda EDM things where they made it even more not very danceable. I hear a dozen of these any second on the radio. And why are the people in the song even together? I don't know, but the floors are wet. Wet with piss.
- In My Feelings by Drake
Oh look it's that song people ran over themselves with their own cars to. If you're going to be that stupid, at least put on some metal so there's at least cool music. Mainly just don't do that. Anyway why does Drake feel the need to just put random people yelling over his songs? If you open up some random Drake song and some ghetto type underground lady yelling rap song and put them together, you pretty much get a better version of this.
- Girls Like You Like Girls Who Are Boys Who Like Boys To Be Girls Who Do Boys Like They're Girls Who Do Girls Like They're Boys
It's been twenty fooooooooooooooooooooour hours and you need mooooooooooooooooooore hours? How about twenty fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive hours? Or do you still need moooooooooooooooooooooooore hours? You don't get any moooooooooooooooooooooooooore hours than twenty siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiix hours. Actually, scratch that, this song doesn't even need a minute for me to change it. And who parked Cardib here? I'm just going with that now. It's pronounced "car dib". Like dibs on that car. Who you gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS
- Nice for WHAT?! by... oh, Drake.
Yeah, okay. TURN NICE FOR WHAT? This song does have yelling, but not from Lil Jon. It's another sample Drake found. He just like putting yelling in his songs. Really, at this rate, why hasn't Lil Jon shown up here with Drake?
- Piss Dreams by PISS WORLD
What a bunch of piss. Though the song called Piss is much better. If there was some emo robot whose batteries were blown up and they somehow made a Soundcloud like who the hell doesn't have one these days (I don't right now) and they had a need to destroy someone because they can't be changed but just sat around on a pager figuring out how to whine on the predecessor to texting, this garbage vomit barely-even-a-song wouldn't even be as good as that one. I like Wet Dreamzzzzzzzzzz better. That was by someone else. The video has doggies. The video for Ass Dreams only peaks when the guy is a head in a hole. Nine Inch Nails also has better music.
- Worse Now by Postman Pat
This song bores me.
- Finesse by Bruno Mars and Cardib
For some reason Cardib parked here too. Anyway here's Bruno Mars continuing to do throwback tracks, this time some kinda 80s or 90s thing. When people just put angular shapes all over their school so they could save the bell or something I don't quite understand.
- Boobds Up by Ella Mai
If this song was called In My Feelings I'd actually believe it had that name instead of Drake's yelling songs. This one's actually... decent, a bit slow for me, but decent. It sounds like how R&B sounds. And not like some drunk guy who gets kicked off a plane for being drunk on drugs while being obnoxious. But like you go into the year 2000 when the Internet didn't destroy the world yet.
- New Rules by Two Lips
I got a blue banana. Honk honk honk honk honk. I got a blue banana song. Honk honk honk honk honk. If you're under him, you fucked up.
- Sad Xbox Tentacle
It's sad when people die, and this guy also died. However death doesn't automatically make songs good, the songs had to have been good beforehand. I haven't been of fan of any of his songs.
- Never Be The Same by Camilla Caballero
I swear this song is about yo-yos and Paula Deen. Butter up that yo-yo. You can hear it sizzling. Incredibly offensive remark. Et cetera. At least those things aren't in this song.
- Love Lies by "Not DJ" Khalid and "Not Mass Effect" Normani
Here's this song that kinda just sounds half there. Like that almost forgettable Laffy Taffy song. That's almost 3 whole notes. This has a few more.
- No Tears Left To Cry by Ariane Granda
This song almost sounds like a song you'd put in a store. For some reason it starts really slow and then she starts picking it up repeatedly. I'm thinking I'd rather listen to No More Tears. That's a weird rock song.
- Mine by Bazzi
Who the hell is this? I don't even think this song really comes up anymore. On the radio it goes you so you so you so you so MINE. Even the triagonal sign.
- Thunder by Imagine Dragons
See, this song is good. Even if it is on a largely crappy list overall thus far. It's a song about overcoming stuff. It's also hilarious because he keeps going THUNDER THUNDER thunder THUNDER thunder thunder. Good quality content here on music. I'd put this one above... a lot of songs on here.
- Look Alive by Blocboy JB and who else but Drake
This is more of a Drake rap than a rap from the other guy. I mean that because Drake raps for most of the song.
- Taylor Swift Laments Into A Tin Can: The Song
In this song, Taylor Swift laments into a tin can. Probably about boys. Also there's a vertical video if you hate video.
- Yes Indeed by Small Baby and of course Drake
Here's another rap song but at least this time the other guy gets to rap more. His car says Pikachu and peeks at you. That's all I got out of it.
- Friends by Marshmallow and Anne-Marie
If your job's a joke and you're broke and your love life's DOA, clap your hands. Unfortunately this isn't that song. This more sounds like "a fire in the ass" and "F I R E in the ass". I don't think that's how you motherfucking shit ass fuck bastard ass bitch motherfucker goddamn ass hell damn whore bitch ass spell friends. I'd still rather listen to the OFFICIAL FRIENDS TV THEME SONG than any other zone here.
- Abadala (Michigan) by Halsey
She has a boy in Michigan and a girl in somewhere, I'm going to say also Michigan because I can't be asked to look this up. It's about Detroit where she can become a human, but if she already is one, then I'm not sure what "abadala" is. Is it like a "beddadannycan"? Probably.
- Taste by Tasty Tiger and Tasty Offset
There's no hippo taste here. What a total waste. It's a rap song with cars and pools and butts. Also a club inevitably.
- Let You Down by NF
It's that rapper who apparently makes Christian rap but it's not all about praising God's glory, so it can stand outside of that genre that keeps locking itself into those loops. Also important to note that he's not Eminem if you initially think that on the radio. Namely because he's not incredibly vulgar, partly from being in the Christian rap scene. This song structurally works and tells a story, which is something good songs have. It's not all, "hey, I'm going to taste this woman and use about 10 swears" and all that stuff. I mean you can have good party rap, but there's also the stuff that says stuff.
- No Limit by Geazy and A Dollar Sign A P Rocky and Cardib
Here's rap I guess.
- FEFE by 69 and Nicki Minaj and Murder Beats Not By Dre
Fefe do you love me. I don't. I'll hit it with a hammer. These beats are murder, of course in a bad way, as in it's terrible, as in no. I have to clarify how much I do not like this because all those words where you say "IT'S MURDA" and "I'M BAD" are taken to mean good. Well, not so much the beats as the whole rest of it, really. I figure if it was just the beats it would just be normal.
- Tequila by Danshay
Here's some country I guess? Sure, whatever the hell. I'm not here to listen to country people whine, especially those from a line. But you ask me and the only good Tequila song is by The Champs. If you ask a lot of people you probably get that answer too. The words are easy to remember.
- Feel. It. Still. by Portugal. The. Man.
This is one of those cases where someone just sings in falsetto and sounds like some lady. This could be picked up as "rebel with a kickstand" and "rebel with some kicks man". It's very indie.
- MotorSport by Migos and NickiMinaj and Cardib
Okay so now they're both on the same song? I don't get celebrities. They do things I don't understand. Like join certain groups, but I suppose if they can afford to join certain groups then whatever, it's their money, well, not for long, it just goes to those certain groups. Anyway here's Migos saying "motorsport" for the next hour. Actually they seem to have lyrics this time.
- I Like Me Better Than You by Laeiouv
A slight rephrasing makes this a whole lot more narcissistic. Although it seems that way in its original form. He likes himself better when he's with someone else. Not necessarily liking that someone else. If this is one of those attempts to self deprecate then it didn't really work. It also sounds like he's eating a fax machine trying to shave.
- Youngblood by 5 Seconds Of Pain
This reminds me of another song, but I can't remember which one it is. It's weirdly catchy, though.
- Whatever It Takes by Imagine Dragons
It apparently takes imaginary dragons. It's about doing whatever it takes because everyone else is a downer. It's also about overcoming stuff. Huh. It also kinda reminds me of the remix to Ignition. Gotta piss, piss, pissing like a racehorse. Or Mario.
- Ric Flair Drip by Offset and Metro Booming
WOOOOOOOOOOOO. This one time I found on Spotify just a clip of Ric Flair yelling. He also says GO TO BED. The best part about this is they actually have Ric Flair in the video. Take that Panda for not putting pandas in that video.
- I Fall Apart by Post It Notes
Post It notes don't have very strong glue. I guess he sings.
- Pray For Me by The Weekend and Kendrick Lamar
Right, this is the Black Panther song that sounds like Xena dropped a microphone into a dryer while someone wants to fight everyone. I haven't really seen Marvel movies given the whole massive continuity and everything connecting, outside of a select few things like Deadpool and Venom, which I also haven't seen. I generally don't see many movies.
- Back To You by Selena Gomez
Now here's sports. Thank you. Looks like in the forecast ahead there's a lot of football. They're going to use their feet and their balls. Also take note this is different from that other Back To You from one of the directions. This becomes more EDM screaming.
- Sicko Mode by Travis Scott
Why is Drake here. Actually why not is Drake here, he's on everything. Why is the giant head a building. Why is this about 3 different songs at least. I don't know what this rap is.
- Walk It Talk It by Migos and Drake AGAIN
Migos got stuck again, someone needs to unstick the old Victrola from this fake 70s video. Drake also time travels because he needed to collab with more people.
- Gucci Gang by Small Penis
Let me summarize this song, as if I haven't been doing that already. Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang. FUCK AIRPLANES. I NEED TO INJECT MORE STOLEN DRUGS. I WILL NOW HAVE SEX WITH THE ENTIRE FACULTY STAFF. Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang. And that's rap somehow.
- Himandi by Geazy and Halsey
This is a song. The (infinite voice cracks) CrAaAaAaAaAzY kind. And of course I somehow find a Roblox video of it. It's such a fucking song, I don't really care about it. I'm a sick duck who likes to quack duck.
- In My Blood by Shawn Mendes
It's Mr. Beddadannygan himself, and he's got it in his blood now. All the blood is from those stitches. I think that's something to see a doctor or also a lawyer about.
- All The Stars by Kendrick Lamar and SZAZAZASA
Is this another Black Panther song? Apparently. It has this lady on it and it also sounds like someone talking into a sock. Which probably came from that dryer with the microphone in it.
- Stir Fry by Migos
They'll just call anything stir fry these days. Including eating a watch probably.
- Toogoodagooba by Sam Smith
It's a sappy song about a tuba or something, I don't really care.
- Love. by Kendrick Lamar. and Zacari.
A sing of a rap where some tiny voice wants you to love it.
- This Is America by Childish Gambino
This is a meme. And it's real. Okay it's Lando Calrissian homeboy drop it like a car on fire. I'm gonna eat my groceries in my car. I've got Oreos and Cheerios. E e e e onomatopoeia. Really should have been higher like a bonfire in a garbage fire.
- Nonstop Drake AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
The Drake won't stop, he keeps showing up in all the songs. Especially in his own songs.
- Heaven by Kane Brown
Oh it's some slow country guy again. These keep showing up. Please put in more bluegrass instead. Or whoever Ray Shumar is.
- Picture That With A Kodak by Cardib and unfortunately not Pitbull
Bloody shoes. Bloody shoes. Bloody shoes. Bloody shoes. Money moves. Bowel movements.
- Freaky Friday by Tiny Penis and someone who has one
This is an attempt at a joke song. I have to say Dollar Sign-ave Dat Money was better. This is just some weird bootleg story where they become other people but they rap as the other person then suddenly some lady shows up and talks about her vagina. It doesn't work on the radio and I stopped hearing it on there after a week.
- Gummo by 69
What the hell is this? This rapper is made of Skittles? Please brush your teeth. Do not put Fruit Gushers as grill bling or that makes the teeth fall out faster. Stiffy. Uh... I don't know what else.
- Butt Plug Wanks by Rich The Hedgehog
Did they have a lot of drugs and then make up a video about dealing drugs to aliens? Are they alien drugs?
- Wait by 5th Moron
I can wait on this. Word to your mother.
- Be Careful by Cardib
Okay I'll. Download free smiley toolbars? Keep injecting me those smilies? TUTORALS?
- Wolves by Selena Gomez and Marshmallow
DOGGIES. Oh, it's this song. Where it builds up to a big loud "who gives a crap" sigh. That genre of EDM that's not very danceable at all. Who is this Marshmallow person anyway? Are they like Deadmau5 but this time the "dead" part goes in the genre name instead? Electronically dead music? I did have a phase where I would listen to Deadmau5 more. It was also around when I would play Minecraft more. Thankfully I didn't make any Unregistered Hypercam LPs where I scream and attempt meme dances and there's some weirdly excessively violent CGI trailer before the video.
- Bartier Cardier by Cardib and 21 "Not Pilots" Savage
How did this guy get on the set. What is rap?
- God Is A Woman by Ariana Grande
Is this song just to piss off the old folks? No, it seems she's mainly just calling herself a sex god in this song. It's somehow transcendent.
- Big Bank by YG and 2 Chainz and Big Sean and Nicki Minaj
Here's some rappers who talk about money mostly. Okay, cool, next song.
- Sorry Not Sorry But Actually Don't Really Give A Crap by Demi Lovato
WAIT A MINUTE. That's long enough.
- How Long by Charlie Poot
I SAID JUST A MINUTE. Here's where this guy goes in a bit of a better direction with some funk thing. How long has this song been out anyway? A while.
- Lights Down Low by MAX featuring gnash
I think it's funny how they got someone who screams their name to collab with someone who whispers theirs. It seems like they definitely whispered here. Here's an annoying song where they talk all quiet while playing two notes on a guitar.
- Young Dumb & Broke by "Not Wiz" Khalid
DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH. DUH DUH DUH HIGH SCHOOL KID.
- One Kiss by Calvin and Harris and Two Lips
This song sounds like it's going to become a commercial at any point, and it also has that EDM thing where they take a clip and make it sound like she's making a dorky sound.
- Natural by Imagine Dragons
Are they a natural or unnatural? This is a song about overcoming stuff. I think I'm starting to see a theme.
- You Make It Easy by Jason Aldean
I remember a line from Beavis and Butt-head about easy listening being hard to listen to. I also find slow country like this hard to listen to.
- Shape Of You by Ed Shaperan
I used that joke last time. The shape of cow sounds.
- I Get The Bag by Gucci Mane and Migos
Is it a Gucci bag for the Gucci Gang? But basic bitches wear that shit so I don't even bother.
- I'm The One Minus Lil Wayne
For a baby, this baby keeps making the same songs. Probably it's like that thing with the Teletubbies where they put absolutely everything on repeat.
- Plain Jane by A Dollar Sign AP Ferg and Nicki Minaj
Here's a rap. I also learned what "Yamborghini" is. It's not a potato car like I first thought.
- Sky Walker by Miguel and Travis Scott
What a weird video. Don't stand in the middle of a road. And make more popcorn. This barely has anything to do with Star Wars.
- Marry Me by Thomas Rhett
No. Also no to this song. Too much sappy country.
- Eastside by Benny Blanco and Halsey and Khalid
It's a song I guess. I didn't really notice it or recognize it for a while until I looked it up.
- Call Out My Name by The Weekend
Did he do this song for a Batman movie? There's bats in the video. That's all I've got.
- King's Dead by Jay Rock and Kendrick Lamar and Future and James Blake
In this video, rappers sit in trees then go to some office. Sometimes they eat corn. Just another day in the hood I guess. Then the song changes for some reason. They keep having to put multiple songs into the same song.
- Happier by Marshmallow and Bastille
You know the song which has a bunch of monks saying words and hitting a drum? This is what happens when you shove EDM on top of it. This song keeps acting like it's going to end and then it doesn't and that gets annoying.
- Te Bote by Casper Magico and Nio Garcia and Darell and Nicky Jam and Ozuna and Bad Bunny
Rock Te Bote. There I made the joke. Here's a song that's in Spanish. It definitely sounds like when they were doing reggaeton before. Maybe this is also that. I don't know. I just know there was that song about gasoline before.
- Simple by Florida Georgia Line
Really if there's going to be country all over the pop charts at least make it good country. Yes, it exists. No, I don't really talk about it much. I don't listen to country much in general. Also searching this just brings up all those broken life hack videos where they teach you how to steal cars but maybe it doesn't actually work but still they're trying to teach you super crimes. As well as crimes against common sense and taste.
- Lemon by NERD and RIHANNA
I still don't totally get this song but NERD is typically not your typical rap anyway, I have heard things from them. The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off. Like this chart in general.
- 1800273TALK by Logic and Alessia Cara and Khalid
Who can still relate to crippling depression? WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Really, just put the name of the number in there and it's easier to remember. Otherwise someone might somehow accidentally call a sex hotline as seen in video games.
- Say Something by Justin Timberlake and Chris Staplelake
It's that song where they say "say something" repeatedly. Maybe say something else too. Like a different song.
- I'm Upset by Drake
Me too. I'm bored of pop music generally.
- Get Along Tiny Dogs by Kenny Chesney
This is... a song. I guess. I don't have a lot to say about country.
- Moonlight Xbox Tentacle
Why did this song break a music box badly. I found a bunch of other songs called Moonlight. Like this Lil Xan and Charli XCX one. I also don't like it. There's also this Grace VanderWaal one. At least she's playing a ukulele. I also found one by Ali Gatie. That one I'm not a fan of. I also found Ariana Grande's song of the same name. I guess it's a song. I also found a Beethoven song. Now that's my jam. It's a totally sick piano solo.
- What Lovers Do by 5 Morons In A Sizzler
Sé sé sé hé hé né bé bé is the mantra to madness. Doot. This is not a movie. This is not a trailer. Here Comes The Rain Again by Eurythmics is a much better song.
- X by Nicky Jam and J Balvin
I don't normally play the trumpet, but that probably synthesizer trumpet in this song sounds like it slammed a whole bottle of Dos Equis. Yet this song is only half as drunk. Also it's Spanish.
- Outside Today by Young Boy Always Rich Forever
Also known as OUTSIDE O A Y sponsored by the NBA. What is rap.
- Trip by Ella Mai
I recently got a record player to play some of the old singles and such I'd picked up. For some reason I got interested in records. Not so much the new vinyl releases, though, I'm mainly just looking at older stuff. Anyway this is an R&B type of song and it's all right.
- Dura by Daddy Yankee
I remember when there was a song called Culo. Just literally the word for ASS. Dura apparently means "hard". Apparently the woman is hard, not him, according to some translation I found. I'm pretty sure there's also some meme dance to this.
- Changes Xbox Tentacle
The piano is too loud in this. You have to scroll a bit in the search to find Bowie.
- Mercy by Brett Young
Here's another slow sappy country song because of course. There are a lot of songs called Mercy. Also Mercy is an Overwatch. I don't know much about that game except for a while I wasn't sure if Tracer was a boy or girl because the costume. It's hard to tell with anime sometimes. Also I like Bastion because it's a big robot with a cute birdy. The fact that I like Bastion is apparently telling of how little I know about Overwatch.
- One Number Away by Luke Combs
It's always about that slow sappy country isn't it.
- Powerglide by Ray Shumar and Juicy J
I wonder if when this plays on the radio, Juicy J suddenly stops existing in it, like with Dark Horse. Anyway it turns out this isn't country, it's that rap thing. And Mike Will made this. This is either about lubricant or drifting. And if it's drifting, they keep talking about Lambos while I know it's all about the Toyota AE86.
- IDGAF by Two Lips
Me too, pop music has been pretty lame.
- Mi Gente by J Balvin and Willy "Not Will.I.Am" William and somehow Beyonce
Of course, it's the song where a goat and donkey are constantly screwing each other.
- Believer by Imagine Dragons
To wrap up this list, it's the official theme song of Arms on the Nintendo Switch. That game still exists.
And that's it, finally, what a build up to not a lot. Anyway I have to go play Smash soon so that's all I'm going to be talking about so unfollow me now. Eventually I'll get to more older lists. And remember to visit my website
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